PLAYERS

PLAYER SIZE

Before we mention players and their specific positions, the overall physical shape of rugby players has changed dramatically from the old to the modern period - and ridiculously so. Players in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s were more 'slim-fit' - in that they could all easily fit into a slim-fit shirt from an Italian/Spanish clothing designer; think Zara or Dolce & Gabbana, for instance. Cut to a player from the past 20 years and a modern player would look like a Steiff Teddy Bear in a 'slim-fit' shirt.

To use a less obtuse example, since the game turned professional, rugby players are on average four inches taller and 14kg heavier - that's two stones and two pounds. That's a lot. Hell of a lot. Whether you think the game was a better spectacle with smaller players is up for debate. What isn't up for debate is that the size, speed and agility of modern players is far greater than their predecessors. Tackling a player in the 1970s was like tackling a normal man on the street. Tackling a player in the modern game is like tackling that street, if it was uprooted and thrown at your chest. Modern players are bigger and faster than they have ever been - there is no argument. If you don't think a modern player is faster, bigger, stronger and harder to tackle than a player from the 1970s and 1980s, then one can presume that you stopped watching rugby during that period. There are plenty of people like that about. They'll confidently tell you rugby was better in the 1970s, then admit they don't watch the game now. It's like telling foodies in 2025 that cold prawns, peas and cheese, served in a light green gelatine mould, is the best food ever - even though they haven't tasted anything else since 1973. Why were people in the 1970s so obsessed with food in gelatine?

Decision - Rugby is better in the f'ing modern day

JONAH LOMU, WE OWE IT ALL TO HIM

Apologies for the slight delay in discussing the specifics of players and their positions. But we cannot truly appreciate the differences between modern and old-school players, without mentioning Jonah Lomu. He was the line in the sand. The massive 6ft 5in, 19 stone, 11 seconds over 100 metres line in the f'ing sand. It's no oversimplification to say that there was rugby before Jonah Lomu and after him. Without wishing to offend any religious denominations, it's like the whole BC/AD thing. In rugby, there's BL and AL. There had been destructive 'bigger' players in the years previous to Lomu, but nothing quite like him. It was like having access to nuclear weapons during the Norman invasion of England. Lomu ran through the wall that was amateur rugby, and when he crashed through to the other side, professional rugby was born. RIP, Jonah - unplayable.

Decision - Rugby is better in the f'ing modern day

TIGHTHEAD

Tighthead in rugby is a position that has changed a great deal, while seemingly having changed little. The core role of a tighthead is to scrummage, and it always has been. Rugby players are often rather neatly split into two categories - piano players (the backs), and piano movers (the forwards). But tightheads deserve a piano-related tag of their own; they are the piano - massive f'ing grand pianos - if that piano had stubble and could easily eat three Big Mac meals and 20 nuggets. Whether you played in 1980 or are playing in 2025, the scrummage remains one of the key parts of rugby - especially at Test level. If your team doesn't have a decent tighthead, you'll witness more collapses than Liz Truss.

While the scrummaging requirement of a tighthead has changed little, the fitness required of tightheads has changed enormously. Whereas tightheads used to be able to scrummage and then down tools like a print worker in the 1980s, they're now required to hit far more rucks, make more tackles and perform a bigger role with the ball. Tighthead props now play a massive role in modern pod systems. And while their role is rarely to carry the ball, their need to hit that next ruck is crucial. The result is that tighthead props now look more like looseheads - and due to similar fitness requirements, modern looseheads that look more like hookers.

In the modern game, the tighthead (especially at elite level) has become a rare beast. You need only look at the top earners by position in professional rugby to realise how important tightheads are. Across the Top 14, English Premiership and United Rugby Championship, tighthead props tend to be in the top five-ish positions by salary. They're often in the second/third-highest wage earners in the Top 14, which is a league that seriously values scrummaging and almost literally pays for their players by weight - it's like they're buying meat from a wholesaler. The increase in demand and wages for tighthead props has in some small part been a result of societal factors. Put simply, a lot of boys and girls are quite happy to look like scrummaging monsters on the pitch, but not so keen off it. The author of this book once spoke to a student who was completing a degree in sports science (another vague scientific reference that's perfectly in keeping with this book's approach to facts and referencing). As part of his thesis, he assessed the role of societal factors on rugby in the Welsh valleys. One of the reasons for the lack of tightheads, in certain parts of Wales, was partly down to how men now perceive their bodies and a resulting desire to be fashionable. Squeezing into a pair of trendy denim jeans is now more important than it is to squeeze into the gap between the hooker and loosehead. The role of the tighthead has changed hugely, and to the author of this book they're the most important players on the pitch, especially at Test level. We love you tightheads, even though denim-focused fashion designers clearly don't.

Decision - Tightheads have always been awesome

HOOKER

Hookers, the search term that makes social media's porn bots absolutely lose their shit. The change in the role of a modern hooker has been massive. What was once a set-piece-based position has now become the role of an additional openside flanker - or even inside-centre. The ball-carrying responsibilities of a hooker have changed enormously, with many modern hookers often being left out in the 'wider pods' where there's greater opportunity to carry into space, and smaller players. Many modern hookers demolish more wings than a pisshead at Nando's - think Dan Sheehan for Ireland or Dane Coles for New Zealand.

You could argue that the first modern blueprint for a modern-day hooker was Keith Wood. Wood did it all, and to this day remains one of the all-time greats in that position. Wood was unique in that he scrummaged, threw and carried to a very high level, something that isn't always the case with modern hookers. With fewer scrums and fewer lineouts in the modern game, the offensive role of hookers has led to a generation who are happier carrying the ball, rather than throwing it into the lineout. While we're talking about lineout throwing, it still seems weird that the hooker is given the role for throwing at all. Other than the tighthead, they're the only players on the pitch who actually spend large periods of time wrestling/scrummaging with other players, using both arms and shoulders. But then they're expected to use those same arms to execute an accurate throw with a perfect spiral. It's like asking Luke Littler to hit a 180, but only after doing 20 reps with a 15kg dumbbell - while simultaneously getting his head kicked in.

Decision - Rugby is better in the f'ing modern day

LOOSEHEAD

In the old days, there was less of a difference between the tighthead and loosehead. The only difference really was that one faced two players in the scrum and the other one. Oh, and their names are different, of course. One prop sound like they have their head screwed in so tightly that it causes migraines, while the other has their head just lolling around on their shoulders like a newborn baby on the back of a roided-up rodeo bull. Often, they were just called props, with little differentiation. But that's just like calling all underpants, underpants, when there's a clear difference between the live-hard die-young 'boxer short' and the understated, bullet-proof practicality of the 'Y-front'.

Labelling both props as just props is something that still rather infuriatingly happens today. You'll regularly see modern-day team sheets labelled with 'prop'. Wikipedia is also a serial offender for leaving off the loose and tight. While they may be labelled the same, the loosehead is no longer solely a scrummaging position. They, of course, do have to scrummage, and scrummage well, but now many teams use their loosehead as a primary carrying option in their pod systems. Plus, they're also often used as primary 'jackalers' in defence. What was once seen as a rather plodding position, for players who had a higher fat content than a Wagyu steak, is now one of the most mobile roles in the pack. Players such as Gethin Jenkins, of Wales, revolutionised the position and made the rugby-watching public realise that your loosehead is at...