INTRODUCTION
Let's go for a ride . on a roller-coaster ride . of life. Buckle up!
Welcome to Conversations with Your Financial Therapist. I am glad you are here. Talking about money is often considered a taboo topic, done behind closed doors in secret-or not at all. The fact that you are here ready and willing to learn more about how to have productive conversations is a great start; you are ahead of most. Having money conversations is often a new skill for my clients, one that needs practice like any new hobby or habit.
I often walk around neighborhoods thinking, "What's going on behind those walls?" Well now you will get a look inside within the pages of this book. I wrote this book to give you a sneak peek behind the scenes as if you were sitting inside people's homes. You will be introduced to seven main characters, travel through life milestones with them, and have insights into their conversations, leaving you with detailed scripts you can reference for your own conversations.
This book was written for you, real people with real-life problems, wanting to get healthier with their relationships with money but not sure where to begin.
Our money beliefs come from three main areas of our lives: our background and how money was talked about, or not talked about, growing up; religious messaging and culture; and our own personal experiences. By young adulthood, we usually find ourselves in a fixed mindset based on these three pillars and stop growing, learning, and expanding our financial mindset.
Like any healthy relationship, it starts with a conversation, story sharing, and building trust. So before we begin this journey together, please allow me the opportunity to share a little about me with a story (or two) to gain insights on me, Your Financial Therapist.
Sitting in the backseat of the car, a quick trip to the store with my dad usually started with a math lesson. "How much would one can of beans cost if the sale was two for $0.99?" The quizzing would progress throughout the drive and would continue at the checkout counter when it was time to pay the grocery bill. My dad would take out the dollar bills and jiggle the coins in his hand and ask me to pay the bill, ask me what the return change would be. If he was in a good mood, I could keep the returned coins. You can see, money conversations were all around me starting very young and continued throughout my journey in life. Is life a journey or is it more of a roller-coaster ride of life? My vote is life is more of a roller-coaster ride. Some things make me want to throw my hands up and scream with excitement and other times the twists and turns are jolting, and ones that make my stomach drop like when my dad died unexpectedly in 2017.
Money and emotions are tied together so closely. I can still recall early childhood memories of a great aunt slipping me $5 for ice cream money at family events or of my turquoise piggy bank that I stashed my cash in as a kid feeling good that I had savings, opportunities if I wanted to buy something myself, or being proud when I was the one my parents came to when they needed cash and knew I kept a stash in my little bank. All of these small moments helped shape my relationship with money. Just like your unique moments in life have shaped yours.
My love for numbers continued with me on my roller coaster to college. I graduated with a degree in finance, began working for IBM Global Services, where I would grow both my career and family. I met a boyfriend who became a husband, father to my three kids, then ended up an ex-husband who now is my co-parent. Along the way, IBM lived up to its acronym for "I've Been Moved" and we moved nine times in just over a decade including living in three countries (United States, Japan, and China). In this span of time I did everything from merging money with a new partner, to shifting spending for babies, to opening and closing bank accounts in various countries, buying and selling homes, to navigating a divorce, co-parenting, and the death of my dad, which has made my roller coaster of life quite eventful. Yet all along it was preparing me for where I am today: to support you and others with kindness, empathy, and understanding.
During my divorce, I had three kids under the age of four, I had recently left corporate America to focus on raising kids, and I was working with entrepreneurs part-time helping them grow their businesses. This allowed me more flexibility with my time. But what did that all mean when I could barely get off the floor on some of the early days of the divorce process? I vividly remember one day in particular. I was lying on the floor in our marital home trying to meditate, bring peace and focus into the morning, when my daughters started to crawl over me and ask me what I was doing on the floor. I tried to explain that I was focusing a few minutes before I start my day by asking myself three questions:
- Who am I?
- What do I want?
- What is my purpose?
This led to a conversation (as one can do with a two- and three-year-old and sleeping baby) on what their purpose was for the day as I tried to explain that my purpose was to help others going through challenges, taking the higher road as I was doing now for myself. For me, I was in control of the family finances even though both of us had finance degrees. I was the chief financial officer of the family, which when the world was ripped out from under me also meant I knew what I needed: to not just survive but thrive for my new family dynamic. I had the ability to ask questions, come up with options, and create opportunities for us to think outside the box for our young family. Thankfully my daughters' dad and I were able to negotiate our divorce in three months with a mediator. We both stayed focused on the end goal of supporting and raising good humans. I also know this would not be possible without my confidence in my relationship with money (Thanks, Dad!). The same was true years later when my dad passed away and it was time to step in and support my Mom to build her confidence in money management, an area she hadn't been responsible for in her 50 years of marriage.
Those dark days over a decade ago played a big part in defining my purpose. I realized that I could help people take the higher road when life gets complicated, but at the same time I didn't know how until the day I heard the term financial therapist. I still recall the moment I heard the term and the world stopped for me. This was it! I felt like I was transported back to those days of lying on the floor trying to figure out my purpose and here it was, right in front of me a decade later. Chills ran through my body. I immediately enrolled at Kansas State University program for a graduate certificate in financial therapy under the profound leadership of Dr. Megan McCoy, then became the 15th person in the world to be certified in this field through the Financial Therapy Association. Currently there are 100 CFTs (Certified Financial Therapists) and the number is growing each year.
Today, I run a thriving business as a global speaker and financial wellness expert on this topic, helping individuals and organizations navigate the emotional and practical sides of money, guiding people to healthier lives, creating more productive and focused employees, and wealthier individuals. My journey has taken me from corporate stages around the world to intimate one-on-one client sessions, where I guide people toward financial empowerment and healthier money relationships. "Let's Talk Finances Conversation Cards" (available on Amazon) were created and designed to foster meaningful financial conversations at home, shifting the narrative about money from one of stress to understanding. Whether I'm presenting to a room of executives, working with couples to align their financial goals, or helping someone rebuild their confidence after a life change, my mission remains clear: to support people in creating a life they can say yes to confidently including their finances. This book is an extension of that mission, and I'm honored to be on this journey with you.
Welcome to a new chapter of clarity, confidence, and growth in your financial life!
10 REASONS TO GROW YOUR FINANCIAL MINDSET
- Improved financial management: Developing a healthy money mindset helps you create and stick to budgets, track spending, and manage debt more effectively.
- Increased savings: A positive money mindset encourages you to prioritize saving, build an emergency fund, and invest for the future.
- Better spending habits: You become more mindful of your purchases, avoiding impulsive spending and making thoughtful financial decisions.
- Enhanced financial security: With better management and savings, you gain a sense of financial security, reducing stress and anxiety about money.
- Achieving financial goals: A strong money mindset helps you set clear financial goals and create actionable plans to achieve them.
- Greater wealth accumulation: By investing wisely and managing money well, you can grow your wealth over time and build a solid financial foundation.
- Reduced financial stress: Understanding and controlling your finances can significantly lower the stress and worry associated with money.
- Increased financial confidence: As you become more knowledgeable and skilled in managing money, your confidence in making financial decisions grows.
- Better relationships:...
