PART TWO
PEOPLE, BUILDING, SHOPPING and some GENERAL TALES
PEOPLE
What's in a name?
Ways,
The Interviewer,
Ghostly Gold,
So sad saying, goodbye,
Zits and Selfies,
The Artist
What's in a name?
One thing you'll soon learn is that nearly all Thais have nicknames. They're either given to them by their parents or they make their own up as they become older. Often I wonder what was in the parent's mind, but for us farangs their nicknames are very helpful - as their real ones are usually unpronounceable.
They often have a meaning, too. Here's just a few I've come across: some humorous; some delightful; and some you'll think, what a strange thing to be known as;
Nit - little, tiny
Nok - bird
Bier - yes, she really means beer
Pui - manure
Bpek - drawing pin. She must have been a pain in the side when young
Moo-moo - no it's not a cow: it's a pig
Lek - means small, but the Lek I know is tall!
Oi - sweet, sugar cane
Gop - frog
Nut - junior, younger
Uth - to rise, like the sun
Ta - eye
Tuk - lizard, gecko
Poo - an unfortunate name if ever there was, actually means crab. One particular Poo went on to write a cookery book, 'Cooking with Poo', which you can buy from Amazon and other suppliers.
Maud - strange to have a western name! But that's just what it sounded like. The way they say it is actually an abbreviated combination of mode (ant) and daeng (red). So, Modad means red ant!
But how about this one: Tyre? I don't know her real name but read on and you'll soon see why I call her Tyre.
She's a young woman not far from where I live - well, there are several actually - but this particular lady does things I've not seen any other women do. Each morning, from her tin-pot accommodation, she drags out her compressor and parks it on the pavement, then waits.
It's not long before a scooter will be pushed along the road for her attention. Spanners at the ready, she has the offending wheel removed and its tyre levered off seconds later. First aid is applied to the inner tube and within a few minutes, the wheel is back on the scooter and the happy owner is off again, minus perhaps 50baht!
But then a car pulls in. Spares are repaired or a wheel taken off and its puncture fixed. And so it goes on all day, every day.
Her most impressive feat is the repair of heavy-truck punctures. These wheels are almost as tall as she, but it doesn't stop her single-handedly removing them and applying her brand of puncture magic.
I've never spoken to her so don't know her real or her nickname. So I'm going to christen her Tyre. Yes, it suits her. I wonder if she'd like it. I won't ask. With her physical exercise each day, she can probably fetch a good left-hook.
If you'd like to dabble into Thai nicknames, this site will get you going:
http://thailandbreeze.com/thai-nicknames.html
*Menu pages seen a Chiang Mai restaurant: Chicken Food; Duck Food; Fish Food.*
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Ways
All nationalities have their ways. Brits love to talk about the weather at any opportunity - they usually have at least three seasons in one day after all. Japanese are mad about taking pictures and Germans place their towels on pool-loungers at ridiculously early hours of the morning, as if their lives depended on it, and then don't show up till mid-afternoon. North Americans are generally loud. The Indians and Chinese share the urge to be first in the queue. There's a queue? What's a queue? All different races with no winners
We were waiting to board a ferry to take us over the Andaman Sea to Myanmar last Chinese New Year, a big mistake. The ferry was still half a-mile out when a Chinese woman noticed it. Suddenly, all the Chinese were on their feet and rushing to the boarding gate. We were swept along with the mob, almost crushed in the rush for the door to open, which it did some twenty minutes later once the boat had arrived and the inbound passengers had disembarked!
The Chinese scrambled aboard and dashed downstairs for the best seats. We sat on deck. As we set off, one of the crew came along and locked the door leading downstairs. Only a twenty minute sail across a calm sea, 'They'll be fine,' I assured my wife.
Thais no doubt have many such quirks which I'll probably never know or understand but some things strike you as soon as you mingle with them. For example, they'd come a good second to other Asians at boarding the bus, but once aboard they will give up a seat for older passengers - well usually. They drive like they walk, cutting across everyone to get straight to where they want to be. But, unlike Brits, when they drive they have no road-rage.
In all other ways, they are helpful and considerate. Their often literal sense of humour is amusing; irony and sarcasm doesn't exist or if it does, we don't see it. Some can be surprisingly forward, asking questions that you would not expect to hear so soon during your first meeting. I have a theory that these people have had their embarrassment gland removed at birth.
Amongst women particularly, there is a desire to make their beautiful skin paler. Go into any of the 7-11 stores and you'll see row upon row of skin-whitening creams. Most Thai film stars have paler - almost certainly whitened - skin and so set this crazy trend, a trend that at its worst maybe even a form of disguised racism? Do women from the north, who have moved south, not want to look like their northern peers?
The Thais are perpetually plastering on whitening cream and that bothers me. They say they want to look like Europeans but when asked why, they reply, 'It look better.' Okay, when we come abroad to sunnier climes we want to get a tan, but ours disappears within a few weeks of returning home, unless you are into the dangers of UV tanning.
Over the last five years, I see that Thais are becoming more obese. The usual culprits are to blame: an influx of western fast-food joints can be found in all the bigger towns; Thai food seems to becoming sweeter. Do schools have nutrition on the curriculum?
*Every day seems the same here: even trains run to the same timetable, day in day out, even on Buddha days.*
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The interviewer
He's smartly dressed in an open shirt - sometimes a tie - and trousers. A tie and trousers in this climate! He never seems to eat and sits waiting, with a beer and cigarette, for the next candidate to arrive. His laptop seems to earn its keep, though I can only assume what he's looking at. He's not Thai.
A candidate arrives: a tubby woman. The interview proceeds and ends. No paperwork is exchanged. She leaves. Where has she come from? Krabi maybe? Or Chang Mai? Cash for her costs are never proffered.
Another candidate shows up. She's fatter than the first. The same routine is repeated. And so it goes on.
Is he interviewing on behalf of a job agency? Is he trawling for tubby women? I, and others, are intrigued but none of us are man enough to ask. The whole thing remains a mystery. Still, it whiles away a few hours.
*The coup-leader's seer has been studying - for weeks, apparently - to find the answer to the burning question, 'who will become the next Prime Minister?' He says man's name begins with the letter P. Really?*
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Ghostly gold
Thais are not keen on ghosts, so it is said, and they have to do the right thing by them. But it isn't just the ghosts that can summon up their spirits.
The news that a lot of gold treasure was found in a field soon got about. Hundreds of prospectors turned up to do some treasure hunting themselves. More golden artefacts were discovered and taken away which, unfortunately for the 'looters', is illegal.
The authorities, in response to this wholesale neglect of the law put it about that the field and its treasures was haunted. Within days, most of the gold was returned.
*Thailand caters for both ends of the alimentary canal: toothpicks and bum-guns can be found in most places to eat though you won't find the latter at the table.*
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It's so sad saying, 'Goodbye.'
It is sad saying goodbye to your lover, whether for a night, a month, or forever to be parted. You see it in action here a lot during March when most western men head back home. A slim, pretty Thai woman will be draped around the shoulders of some grossly overweight, bald, tattooed, man old enough to be her father - in some cases her grandfather! She stares into his eyes hoping he won't go, for when he does who is going to look after her?
Some of these couples have children....
