Introduction

I think there is a lot of magic and miracle work in coaching. And the art and science of coaching are much misunderstood and often underestimated.

It is not just the way the coaching process works but the very idea of a coach. We may look as though all we have to do is sit and listen and ask a question now and then. In fact, we are admonished by our training not to do too much of the work. "Leave the work to the client," our trainers tell us. The truth is that there is plenty of work for the coach. But what does the coach actually do?

We keep time-and not just minute by minute so that we can abruptly interrupt your flow with a brash "Our time is up." We let you know where we are and check in on progress. As much as we can, we bring the session to a "soft landing," leaving you with things to think about, maybe act upon, but not leaving you hanging.

We listen for themes-insights and topics that come up again and again.

We observe and highlight shifts in energy-excitement, lethargy, enthusiasm, and dismay.

We maintain a safe space for whatever you want to express, which is sometimes a rollercoaster of emotions.

We keep your secrets, always honoring the confidentiality and trust of the relationship.

We remind you of your goals and help you adjust them any time you change your mind.

We focus exclusively on you until it is time to stop.

We stay connected with your story between sessions and connect the dots throughout the arc of the coaching relationship.

We tailor our approach to take account of the uniqueness of you.

We temper personal curiosity ("Tell me about your job") while using curiosity to expand your awareness ("What do you need me to know about your job for me to be helpful?").

We look at things from your perspective while inviting you to look at things from a different point of view.

And, believe me, it takes more energy to withhold an obvious piece of advice than to share it. But we know that as tempted as you are to ask for the solution, your success will feel sweeter when you come up with your own plan.

We challenge, encourage, and cheer for you, and we celebrate your wins.

And then we reset and do it again for the next client.

I wish I could more effectively communicate the value of coaching and the investment we make to be good coaches. I make the case for coaching to coaches all the time. I have been privileged to train more than 60 coaches in my career!

But I was surprised to be invited to write this book, because this book isn't for coaches. The intention of this book is to pull back the curtain on the coaching process and to give you, the potential coaching client, an insight into what coaching is about and why you might want some for yourself.

When I first started to write this introduction, I was going to describe you, the audience, as the "potential coaching beneficiary." Apart from that sounding academic (pompous), I realized it is also not a fair representation. As a coach, I learn a tremendous amount from my coaching clients. Through my clients, I have learned about changing my mindset, changing my habits, identifying what is meaningful in life, making healthy choices, learning to let go-and the list goes on. It is not because I did not know the theory behind these things and more; it is because there is a big gap between the "what I want/need to be and do" and the "how I am going to get myself to do it and be it."

My wonderful coaching clients have shown me not just where the path is but how to walk it while wearing the wrong shoes and having left my compass at home. As a result of my interactions with my clients, I have changed my eating, drinking, exercise, and sleeping habits. I have narrowed my work focus, identified what matters most to me, and put my energy into those parts of my life. I have made tough choices and built greater resilience and stamina. I have seen how my clients have struggled and succeeded-or adapted-and this has inspired and informed my own journey. For the sake of yourself and your future coach, I hope you will embark on the coaching journey. Both of you will benefit!

I hope my clients receive as much from working with me as I receive from working with them. Some of them helped me put language into the journey that is coaching. It is a brave thing to do because it exposes their vulnerability, but it is what this book needs to reach its audience. So, thank you!

Navigating the Book

This book is split into three sections. The first section, Chapters 1-3, focuses on how to identify your meaning and purpose, why you should want to, what it means to be in your own way, and how to get out of it. If your sense of meaning and purpose is clear, you might find this section less relevant. Maybe you have already explored the questions in this section. No problem. Just jump to the second section, which includes concrete suggestions.

The second section, Chapters 4-8, explores the challenges of creating a life of meaning and examines how coaching can help you get out of your own way. The suggestions in this section are more concrete, and you will see a lot of opportunities to measure the progress of your journey.

Then, Chapter 9 brings it all together (coaching, meaning, and action) and explores how you can create the life you want-how you can transform.

In the Conclusion, we will consider the next steps. You will also find some tools in the appendices that will help you decide who you want to be in coaching, how you want to show up, what you want to focus on, which behaviors you want to cultivate and which you want to dial back. We will cover what tools you need to build awareness and to discover new learnings and new ways of being, and how to find your coach.

There are five appendices as follows:

Appendix A - Proposed core competencies for coaching clients

Appendix B - Profile of Tegan - one of our case study clients

Appendix C - Profile of Jamal - the second of our case study clients

Appendix D - Suggested questions for selecting your coach

Appendix E - Identifying what is, and is not, a coaching moment

Throughout this journey, I will be working with Tegan (she/her) and Jamal (he/him). Through their experiences, we will examine what coaching is, how it works, and what the results are. To find out more about Tegan and Jamal, check out their profiles in Appendix B and Appendix C, respectively.

Each chapter concentrates on a theme for coaching. Whether you are a potential coaching client seeking to understand what a coaching process might look like for you or a coach wanting to better explain coaching to a potential client, each of the chapters elaborates on one idea-Hope, Strength, and so on. Each of the chapters provides resources for coach and client alike. The book taken all together is a possible pathway to growth and learning through coaching.

Chapter 1-Finding Meaning & Purpose: Inspiration

When we inspire, we draw people into our journey-or theirs. We connect them to their path, which is what this book is meant to do. Chapter 1 is intended to inspire you to find your why and use the tools in the book, and possibly a coach, to help you grab that why and make it your North Star.

Chapter 2-In Your Own Way: Normalization

One of the most common symptoms that shows up in the coaching "room" is imposter syndrome. Most of us suffer from it-that feeling that at any moment someone will notice that we are not who they thought we were, that we don't know what they thought we knew, or that we cannot do what they thought we could do. And many of us feel like we are the only person in the world going through it. Obviously, everyone else is feeling good, right? Chapter 2 discusses the difference between normal, commonplace, and habitual actions/thoughts. I'll explore ways you might be creating obstacles that keep you from being who you want to be and what you can do to stop.

Chapter 3-Getting Out of Your Own Way: Improvisation

Although Chapter 3 explores some Holy Grails of coaching (things coaches hold dear), there really are very few rules. Thank goodness coaching is a forgiving art and science. Coaches improvise and use their intuition, experience, and training. Every client is different, and every day is different. Sometimes that improvisation proves fruitful and provides the client with an aha moment, whereas other times the client shakes their head or looks perplexed. But if we have a good coach-client relationship, good standards, and good intentions, that's okay.

I improvise a lot in this book. Some things will land well and others will make you perplexed. Either way, feel free to write to me if you want to follow up.

Chapter 4-Appreciating the Coaching Journey: Co-Creation

To get the most out of coaching, the client and the coach need to be ready to co-create the journey together. The coaching client gets to determine what is important, what goes into the agenda, and where the attention is focused. And the coach, if the relationship is going to be fruitful, keeps that agenda in mind, builds...