Busy Is a Four-Letter Word

"I'm so busy, I've had this headache for three years!"

- Jean, The Golden Girls

Picture it: Miami, 1985. Four fabulous ladies were living together and taking on the world, one cheesecake at a time. Of course, I'm talking about the one and only The Golden Girls. As a kid watching that show, I never imagined the profound life lessons it would impart to me. I was a "busy" kid. As a Gen Xer I was also a latchkey kid so I found things to do with my time. My days were full of school, the library, books, and church! In middle school, I was class president, morning announcer, and lead singer in the chorus. And at church, I was in the choir, in Pathfinders Club (shout out to all my fellow 7th Day Kids), on the drill team, and in drum core . jusssst to name a few. I would stay up for hours into the middle of the night reading books. I'm not gonna lie. I loved all the inappropriate stuff for my age like Harlequin romance and Danielle Steele novels right alongside the Babysitters Club and the Hardy Boys. My fourth-grade teacher, Mrs. Spradley, told my parents that these types of books were "advanced." She should not have said that! All my dad heard was "advanced" and said, "Well, at least she's reading! My parents were just happy I was keeping myself busy. I wanted to be a grown-up so bad! They always looked like they had something important to do and somewhere to be. So I wanted IN (queue my first job at 14)!

I didn't know why then (even though I know now) but one episode that has really stuck with me over the years is when, in The Golden Girls, Dorothy's friend Jean visits. Jean laments, "I'm so busy, I've had this headache for three years!" To which the ever-wise Sophia retorts, "Busy is a four-letter word for idiots!" Shoot! Maybe I am just speaking for myself.

As a multi-hyphenate entrepreneur, I would stay up for hours tip-tapping at my keyboard. I used to subscribe to the "sleep is for suckas" motto. I want you to know that the only sucka there was . ME!! It left me tired, caffeine addicted, bedraggled, anxiety driven, and eating and shopping my feelings away. My body was crying out so badly that I developed sciatica, but I had a goal to be successful. My challenge was that I didn't know what success meant . to ME!

This relentless pursuit of busyness masquerading as success is actually making us sick - physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and relationally. It's leaving us drained, dragging, anxious, and disconnected from what really matters in life.

In the pages ahead, I share insights from my own journey as a professional high achiever, entrepreneur, first-gen career woman, solo mom, and human being who got caught up in the toxic cycle of busyness. You'll learn my strategies for slowing down, streamlining your life, and prioritizing your health over a packed schedule. To be clear, I don't have it all figured out and I wouldn't trust anyone who says they do.

This book almost didn't get written because I was too . busy. I hemmed and hawed about what to share, how to share it, and what would happen IF I really shared my journey to doing less so that I had a shot at achieving more. I was sure that I'd never find the time. With work travel, moving my life from the East Coast to the South, getting my "queenager" off to college, picking up the pieces of my business that nearly went bankrupt because of institutional clients with a lack of integrity who preyed on small businesses and whose leadership had no regard for paying their bills on time or keeping their word (and I am being kind and generous here because if I ever see these so-called leaders in the street . baaaaaybeeee) alongside what seemed like a never-ending trip of WTF is going on here, I tip-tapped on this keyboard. If you read that and thought HOLY SMOKES, you have a lot going on, then, yeah . me, too. My reality: I was afraid that you wouldn't think I knew my stuff (oooh, that's one I will get to in later chapters).

My mom often makes the joke that I came into this world running and ready to go from Day 1. I was busy! I learned to walk early, speak early, and was reading by three years old. I was selected for the gifted and talented program in second grade where the message that being "smart" was a thing to be celebrated was reinforced. And yet, at every parent-teacher conference, teachers would tell my parents that I was a "busybody" so much so that my mom told my middle school social studies teacher not to call her during her workday anymore because if I wasn't disrupting the class (I wasn't) then what was the problem? By high school, I was running EVERY DARN THING! With a job! And I studied abroad in Budapest, Hungary. And started my own choir. Dang y'all, I was building a foundation of B-U-S-Y. It all looked great on paper and helped me secure a scholarship to college. Buuuuuut! Let's put the cookie jar where we all can get to them. To my untrained 17-year-old eye, the badge of "busy" is often worn with honor. Yet, this relentless pursuit of busyness not only exhausts us but paradoxically hinders our ability to achieve true productivity and satisfaction. But I wouldn't learn that until years later.

Drawing from more than two decades of experience as a C-suite executive and consultant, I've witnessed firsthand the detrimental effects of our culture's obsession with busyness. This book is born from a blend of personal insights, professional engagements, and a heartfelt desire to shift the paradigm from being busy to being impactful.

Maybe you're like Darlene, a senior executive juggling multiple roles both at work and home. Despite her accomplishments, she felt perpetually drained and unfulfilled.

Or maybe you're more like James, an entrepreneur whose startup's rapid growth was both his dream and his nightmare due to his unsustainable workload. Even these small bits from their stories echo a common theme in today's work culture, and they are not isolated incidents but rather reflections of a widespread challenge that demands attention and action.

These everyday leaders' stories propelled me to write this book. My goal is to guide you - the overwhelmed professional, leader, caregiver, community advocate, entrepreneur, or student - toward a path where success is not measured by how full your schedule is, but by how meaningful your actions are. Through the pages of this book, you will discover innovative strategies and practical tools that will empower you to declutter your commitments, focus on what truly matters, and reclaim your time and energy.

The Golden Girls and A Different World Make an Appearance!

I love a good sitcom. I'll even binge watch a juicy reality series (hello Married at First Site and Love Is Blind). But my classics still have lessons that ring true today. In this book, you'll encounter numerous references to two beloved shows of mine - The Golden Girls and A Different World. As I reflect on why I chose these as touchstones for this book, I'm struck by how perfectly these shows embody the journey from youthful ambition to seasoned wisdom. The Golden Girls gives us a quartet of vibrant women in their well-seasoned years, each with a lifetime of experiences behind them. They've weathered life's storms, learned hard lessons, and come out the other side with a clearer understanding of what truly matters. Their witty banter and cheesecake-fueled problem-solving sessions remind us that sometimes, slowing down and connecting with friends is the most productive thing we can do.

On the flip side, A Different World captures the energy and idealism of youth. Set on a college campus, it showcases young adults taking risks, chasing dreams, and often stumbling as they try to figure out who they are and what they want from life. The contrast between these two shows mirrors our own journey from the frenetic pace of our early careers to the more measured approach that is supposed to come with experience.

Throughout this book, you'll find me returning to characters from both shows as I explore different aspects of doing less to achieve more. Whether it's Sophia's no-nonsense wisdom, Whitley's journey from entitled princess to self-aware professional, or Dwayne's evolution from awkward nerd to confident achiever, these characters offer valuable lessons on prioritizing what's truly important on the road to success. I draw parallels between their fictional experiences and real-world for streamlining your life and focusing on what matters most. So don't be surprised if you find yourself nodding along as I reference Dorothy's dry wit or Freddie's passionate activism - these characters aren't just entertainment; they're guides on our journey to a more balanced, fulfilling life. And just like how these shows tackled serious issues with humor and heart, I approach challenges with a mix of laughter and deep reflection. After all, as Rose Nylund would say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana."

Before diving in, let me ask you something. Do you have a to-do list? Whether it's on paper, your...