FIRST EVER REVIEW by Mr.Nitro in the good ol' US of A.
There are books that seem written in ink; others seem carved in blood. If you've never experienced the lunacies of highs and withdrawals, or the even more lunatic logic that rules both, this book is a shocking but indispensable lesson. And if, like me, you've lived some version of it, mine being booze, this book will bring you face-to-face with your own shadow. Honest, unflinching, foul-mouthed, and tragically poetic, this memoir is a chaotic symphony of destruction and desperation that ultimately smuggles in a strange kind of hope. Northlandbay isn't here to seek sympathy or neaten up his image. He puts it bluntly-his journey from Royal Tunbridge Wells to Peru's shanty towns wasn't some holy journey; it was a desperate geographical solution to a decades-long addiction to heroin, an illness he wears like a tattered jacket. "Too much is never enough," he writes-and God, does it ring true. He didn't try to destroy himself; he wanted to feel better. Better than the pain, the empty hurting, the home life with all the screaming, the shame, the lack of emotional air. For me, that came from the bottom of a whisky bottle. For him, it was from heroin to fentanyl to methadone.
What was most striking for me was the savage candor of Northlandbay's voice. His writing is half-confession, half-literary explosion. He hides nothing: he speaks freely of overdoses, hepatitis anxiety, unwanted HIV tests, even having friends throw him into a bathtub in the middle of an OD. And still, there's no self-pity. He takes responsibility, even when recounting the grimmest scenes shooting up in public bathrooms, substituting one fix for another, and the sickening, crawling sensation of methadone withdrawals. This isn't sanitized recovery; it's lived experience scribbled on the walls of rock bottom. It won't be for readers who want a tidy "redemption arc," there is movement, growth, survival but never assurance.
From London to Lima, from detox to total relapse, Jay's story transports us along the Andes, along backstreet pharmacies, down into Peru's drug underworld, and even deeper into his own mind. His accounts of hallucination, half-conscious metaphysical epiphanies, and of being "a junkie by profession" aren't written for shock value-they are part of a philosophical accounting. What is choice? What is identity? What is freedom? These are the questions he investigates, not with neat solutions, but with bloodied knuckles and ink. There are flashes of humor and even black humor that remind you he's still human, not merely an addict-shaped specter. Tales about customs officials, paranoid tourists, and obsessive-compulsive girlfriends serve to lighten the mood, but also to add depth to the picture of a man balancing on the high wire between comedy and ruin.
And then there's the writing-raw, vivid, unapologetic. Jay's style is jagged and rhythmic, like Kerouac meets Bukowski with a syringe in his sock. He mixes literary references, street slang, philosophical digressions, and poetry. He says he knew it wouldn't work-"you're just taking your addiction with you"-and yet, he still boarded the plane. That contradiction-knowing you're going to lose but fighting anyway-is what makes the book not only interesting, but agonizingly human. Jay has done something remarkable-he's taken the same mind that addiction attempted to decay and turned it into a beacon.
If you're in recovery, this book may be the mirror you're scared to look into-but trust me, you'll be thankful that you did. If not, but you care about someone who is, this may be the most truthful thing you'll ever hear about the authentic experience.
Northlandbay's book isn't going to provide you with a "happily ever after"-it provides you with truth, harsh and unfiltered. And for addicts such as myself, that is the most precious, most elusive drug of all.
