Introduction:
Leaping into the Dark Woods

In the middle of the journey of our life

I found myself astray in a dark wood

where the straight road had been lost sight of.

-Dante Alighieri, The Inferno

The Cultivation of the Coach's Internal Landscape

William James, professor of philosophy and psychology at Harvard early in the twentieth century, wrote about "once-born" and "twice-born" people (1913). He described once-borns as those who tend not to veer very far off course in this life, staying close to who they believe they are or ought to be and what they think others expect of them. Once-borns may not be fully satisfied with their lives, but they choose not to venture into the shadowy "woods," that mysterious territory where the unknown surpasses the predictable. Twice-born people, through choice or crisis, cross into the woods (sometimes with no alternative and other times willingly), make mistakes, allow themselves to fully suffer losses, learn from them, and get up again. These people are more likely to take a dive into exploring changes they need to make in themselves in order to live a life that radiates with greater meaning, to reinvent themselves and shed old stories and ways of being to discover the new. A century earlier, Danish philosopher Kierkegaard used a similar analogy, a leap of faith or an inwardness, again underlining that willingness to veer off the road and into the woods when we don't know what is ahead. A century later, in today's world, to remain where it is safe has less appeal and is simply insufficient if we want to live a life of meaning.

Every so often in life, an unforeseen leap presents itself, opening the way to dark woods that are mysterious and unwelcoming and yet there is no way to turn back on the path. I include lines from The Inferno as the opening of this introduction because Dante's chronicling of his journey through hell and into paradise provides rich metaphorical ground for understanding life's surprises and losses. First, we enter the dark woods, and then we find a light that guides us to a new time, a new place, and even a deeper way of being. Dante's epic story reminds us that even without adequate preparation or a view of what's ahead, something unfolds that changes one's life forever. This is an experience we all collide with at some point along our journey if we are willing to step into that second-born space, knowing that sometimes we step in prepared and welcoming, and other times tentative and fearful.

I stood at the edge of those unwelcoming woods midway through my adult journey and the unfolding experience of suddenly entering uncharted territory led me into a twice-born experience, changing me and my philosophy of life. Just as I was leaving my 40 s and reveling in what felt like a perfect life-a great family of three beautiful boys, a loving marriage of many years, and satisfying and meaningful work-our whole family was confronted with a challenging upheaval. It was one of those turning points in life none of us would willingly invite and yet there was simply no turning back.

In Dante's words, I had to step into the dark woods where the straight line was lost, with no sense of the way out. The upheaval, which was my version of the leap into the woods, was my husband's diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer's. At that time, we had three active and growing children, and a business still very much in the early stages. We reveled in all of the usual future dreams and plans (the "somedays") and suddenly our perfect life was gone. Like many others, my leap into a twice-born state was mandatory more than courageous. Yet, the results were likely much the same: a new way of being in a world turned upside down, a new version of myself, and a new perspective on a life forever shifted.

This particular leap evolved over time, sometimes slowly and at other times with a pace that was difficult to keep step with. In the early stages, I was in shock, followed by anger and questions like "why me?" and "why our family?" Eventually, I came to understand that this is life. It's not what happens because "stuff happens!" It is how I live into it with grace and courage that matters most. It was definitely one of those rare twice-born experiences that has had a significant influence on my view of life, the world, and my work. As a coach, it has taught me endless lessons, including how much deep listening makes a difference, how sympathy is never as helpful as empathy, and the reality that some issues and challenges in our lives are not solvable, but rather are situations we must live into in new ways.

Learning to Be "Twice Born": Leaders Who Know Themselves and the Coaches They Need

Much has changed in our world since James conceived of once- and twice-born lives. In today's complicated and rapidly evolving world, it seems to demand that we all become twice- and likely thrice-born, if not more! It is almost impossible for us to flourish as human beings, leaders, and organizations if we remain once-born, which is defined by lacking the courage to take a leap, see dilemmas from new perspectives, challenge our most cherished assumptions and preferences, test new approaches, and cultivate innovation. How do we consciously avoid the once-born worldview and instead embrace a way of being in which we do all of these things?

Some of this path from once-born to twice-born and beyond is a very personal inner journey that requires saying yes to the unknown, to unearthing our particular well-worn beliefs, and acknowledging and then wandering away from stories that keep us comfortably locked in an invisible set of habits and constraints. Other parts of the path to twice-born lie in all that is external to us. These parts require examining and saying yes and no to the myriad of complicated global issues impacting all of us. Our world today demands a twice-born approach at a grander and broader professional and community level than ever before if we are to survive, thrive, and fully face troubling global challenges on all fronts.

As coaches working in the world of leadership, if we want to engage in the kind of coaching that creates relevant change, we will need to operate differently than we did when leadership coaching first emerged as a field 30 years ago. We will need to reach well beyond a predictable toolkit of skill-based competencies and practiced inquiries to coach the growing number of twice-born leaders the changing world now needs and demands. Today's leaders are confronting challenges far more complex than in the past and at a speed that is vastly more pressing. Great coaches need far more agility and breadth of capacities than ever before to operate successfully in this new environment.

Leaders Who Know Themselves

The higher executives climb on the organizational ladder, the less they can depend on technical skills and the greater their need for effective interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence.

-Manfred Kets de Vries (2014)

True leaders today need far more than strategies and smarts-the IQ of leadership. Today's leaders need to know themselves-their blind spots, values, possibilities, patterns, and old stories. They need to know how to be team players, to think and engage the collective leadership of those around them. This is the We-Q work of today and represents the need to shift from our long-held individualistic orientation to one that recognizes broader systems and acknowledges this truth: that the "leader as hero" model and command-and-control orientation are largely remnants of the past. In today's world, the price of counterproductive leadership behavior is unimaginably costly and even the best of leaders face challenges that are daunting. The coaches equipped to successfully work with leaders in these changing times need nimbleness, understanding of complexities, ease with ambiguities, and deep familiarity with their own internal landscape.

The Coaches They Need

Like everything else in our world, the field of coaching is changing dramatically. Timothy Gallwey's well-known The Inner Game of Tennis (1974) was a precursor to the early days of coaching. Written in the mid-1970s, Gallwey drew our attention to the psychological interference, or "self-talk," that goes on inside our heads, impacting performance both on the tennis court and off. His work stirred the world of mentoring and sparked the early rumblings of coaching. It was followed in the mid-1980s by John Whitmore's Coaching for Performance.

Yet, well into the 1990s, the growth of coaching was slow. When my late husband, Frederic Hudson, published The Handbook of Coaching in 1999, there were only a small handful of books written about this emerging field and there was little clarity about precisely what coaching represented. Was it a conversation? Was it focused on business, life, development, problems, goals, or searching? I recall that most often, when we would describe ourselves as coaches, people would immediately inquire, what sport? As coaching found its way into organizations in those early...