WAY 2:

A question I commonly ask people is this:

'Who is the most important person you'll ever talk to?'

And the answer?

Yourself.

Think about it. Whose opinions and thoughts do you tend to listen to most? Whose advice do you ultimately act upon? In a nutshell: your own.

You see, the conversations we have with ourselves can have a profound effect upon us. These internal conversations or thoughts can determine whether or not we even take the opportunity to speak to others. Seriously, that's how important and influential they are.

For instance, if your internal conversation goes something like this: 'I hate giving presentations, I get so nervous' or 'What's so good about me that I want to stand up and speak? - then you're struggling before you've even started. It's like an athlete being disqualified for making a false start - we can disqualify ourselves through our internal self-talk.

But the flipside is also true. We can put ourselves in a far better position to achieve success if our attitude and mindset are right. Obvious? Absolutely. But not something we always pay attention to before we speak. So let's explore three areas where you need to think about your attitude when it comes to making an impact as a communicator.

1. Your attitude towards your topic

Now there's just a possibility that you're sometimes required to speak on a subject that is unlikely to be voted 'The world's most sexiest and engaging topic ever'. Am I right?

I once had to deliver a seminar on behalf of another training company called 'How to discipline employees and correct performance problems'. Bet you're gutted you missed that one, aren't you?! Equally, if your topic of expertise is 'Gas fitting in Siberia' or 'The history of the Belgian Boomerang Association' you might not see the crowds flocking to hear you. But on a more serious note, you may have to give a financial update, present a business plan or talk about issues related to health and safety. And here's the danger. You convince yourself before you've even started that the topic is boring.

I've actually spoken at conferences and heard other speakers announce at the start of their presentation 'And now for the boring bit'. Guess what? It usually is. And labelling your topic as boring is not only self-fulfilling but also insulting to your audience. It's self-fulfilling because if your attitude is 'this is boring' you'll do nothing to make it engaging and interesting. Second, you're insulting your audience by basically saying: 'I'm about to waste your time by talking about something which has no relevance or interest to you'. Agree?

Can I possibly suggest that, if that's the case, you shouldn't be talking about it? Seriously, you shouldn't. However, what we usually mean by the term 'boring' is that we recognize it might not be the sexiest topic on the planet, and could even be quite complex, but people do still need to know about it. Hopefully it does have some interest or relevance to people, otherwise it would be a complete waste of time talking about it. I mean, what intelligent person would spend thirty minutes or more talking about a subject that they knew had no relevance or interest to their audience? Please tell me you don't know people like that.

You see, here's what's absolutely crucial to understand if we're to speak so people really listen. It's a reminder of what we looked at earlier in the Fourth Great Sin of Speaking: 'Focusing on features rather than selling benefits'.

Communication is far more than telling. It's about selling.

Why? Because both in and outside the workplace you have to sell both yourself and your ideas, whatever the context. Manager, supervisor, teacher, politician, job candidate, work colleague, student, lecturer, salesperson, parent . the list goes on.

So your aim is actually quite simple. Make sure your attitude to what you're going to say is positive. Maybe your message won't be life changing. People might not be moved to tears or doubled up with laughter as you explore the health and safety aspects of climbing a ladder or looking at last quarter's sales figures. But even so, it's down to you and no one else to help your audience understand why they need to listen to you.

The truth is:

You've got to sell it, not just say it.

You have to be clear in your own mind why what you're about to say has some relevance and interest to your audience. Now admittedly, it might not score very high on the scale of relevance and interest, but it must at least register a score. If it doesn't, then you really do have to question why on earth you're talking about it.

Here's an example from my own experience of the importance and impact of your attitude towards your topic.

Fiona was interesting. She was a finance director I was coaching.

'The problem is Paul, finance is really boring to most people. I hate having to talk about it, but I always have to do a fifteen-minute slot about it at the staff conference.'

I asked 'So how do you deal with delivering a dull topic to an audience who don't want to hear it?'

'Well, I just try and race through it as quickly as possible and get it out of the way. Finishing it doesn't really give me a sense of satisfaction, but more a sense of relief.'

Sad, eh? A person of influence and knowledge feeling so negative and uninspired about speaking to her colleagues. However, our coaching session had only just begun, and I realized the first thing we needed to work on was her attitude.

I started by challenging her about her assumptions. She assumed people find the topic of finance boring. Really? Is that always the case? After all, money makes the world go round, and finance can be fascinating to some people. What people struggle with is being drowned in complex detail that seems to have no direct impact or relevance to them. Now that approach is boring. But if financial information is communicated in a way they can grasp, and they're not overwhelmed with figures, then why shouldn't people find it of interest? The financial health of the organization has a direct impact on their future.

What Fiona needed to do was to give people a reason to be interested. Her audience needed to understand why they should care - and that was up to her to spell out - rather than having to figure it out for themselves. In other words, she had to sell what she was about to say, particularly if, on the surface, the topic didn't appear to be especially engaging.

Fiona took my advice and focused more on the question 'How can I make this more interesting?' rather than the defeatist 'Why is this so boring?' Now, she didn't receive an Oscar for her performance, or even a standing ovation. But as I sat in the audience, I noticed people were engaged. She didn't apologize for talking about finance. Instead she allowed her passion for the subject to come over to her audience. She even managed to include some visual images rather than a stream of figures. Was there room for improvement? Absolutely. But I've a funny feeling that next time she stands up to speak, her colleagues won't be wishing they could get up and leave.

Pause for Thought

How would you describe your attitude towards your topic? Are you eager to speak or just relieved when it's over? In what ways could you develop a more positive attitude to what you're talking about?

Now, onto the second area we need to focus on.

2. Attitude towards your audience

I readily admit that speaking in front of an audience can be daunting at times. There's a sense in which, when you stand to speak, you're exposing yourself to others (figuratively speaking, that is). Clearly, this is less the case when in a more informal sit-down meeting, but there is something about having all eyes focused on you that can make you feel vulnerable.

Of course, some people thrive on being in the spotlight, but many others will happily do all they can to avoid it. Part of the reason for this could be because we're concerned that our audience is in some way judging us and wanting us to fail - a belief which can understandably heighten our anxiety. But in the majority of situations (I admit there may be some exceptions), the audience wants you to succeed. Now, we'll look at dealing with nerves and anxiety in more detail later on in the book, but if you want to help create confidence in yourself, you need to focus your attention on the most important people in the room - the people you're talking to.

Focus less on you and more on them. Your attitude in preparing to talk, whatever the context, is simply this:

How can I best serve my audience now?

When we focus less on what can go wrong and more on how we can make things go right for our audience, our confidence grows and our nerves subside.

Remember the Third Great Sin of Speaking - 'Failure to consider or understand our audience's...