Chapter 1

Loving a Crazy Old Game

IN THIS CHAPTER

Beginning with a little golf history

Understanding what makes the game special

Looking into golf course basics

Playing the smart way

Adding golf to your lifestyle

Golf is simple. Golf is great. Golf will drive you nuts and keep you coming back for more.

It's deceptively simple: You've got clubs and a ball. Your job is to knock the ball into a series of holes laid out in a large, grassy field. You encounter hazards on the way; and by the time you finish the 18th hole, you may want to go to the clubhouse bar, order a beverage, and tell innocent strangers how every bounce went against you that day. That's probably not what happened, but golfers always need a shoulder to cry on. And if you're a golfer at heart, you'll empathize with everyone else who plays the most frustrating, maddening, wonderful game in the world. You'll play for relaxation, challenge, companionship, and a chance to enjoy the great outdoors. You'll also get so frustrated you wonder why anybody would spend time and money on such a ridiculous pursuit. Then one day you'll shoot your best score ever, and you'll know why.

In this chapter, I introduce you to the game and provide the basics you'll need to get started. Here's hoping you get some smiles along the way.

Understanding Golf's Origins

Golf dates back to medieval Scotland, where Macbeth ruled in the 11th century. Not the Shakespeare character but the real Scottish king old Shakey based his play on! Some historians say the sport began when Scottish shepherds used long, wooden crooks to knock rocks at rabbit holes.

The first printed reference to golf came in 1457, when Scotland's King James II banned "gowf" so that his subjects could concentrate on their archery - the better to beat the English in battle. Years later James's descendants, including his great-great-granddaughter Mary, Queen of Scots, embraced the game. (The original golf widow, she scandalized Britain by playing golf in the days after her husband, Lord Darnley, was murdered.)

The wooden golf balls of those early days gave way to featheries - leather pouches stuffed with goose feathers - and then gutty balls made from gutta percha, a rubber from Malaysia. In 1860, one of the best Scottish golfers, Tom Morris of St. Andrews, organized the Open Championship, which many Americans call the British Open. That tournament launched modern professional golf. Scottish immigrants introduced Americans to the game, which went on to become one of the world's most popular sports. The rest is history - along with colorful cursing and fun.

Knowing Why Golf Is So Special

You've probably heard about business leaders making huge deals on the golf course. It's true. Back in 1901, zillionaires Charles Schwab and Andrew Carnegie met at St. Andrews Golf Course in New York to make the $480 million deal that created U.S. Steel. Countless handshakes later, the game has earned a reputation as the ultimate networking game. And while business leaders, like the rest of us, actually spend much of their time on the course looking for wayward golf balls, it's true that golf can bring great networking opportunities.

And that's about the 167th-most-important reason to take up the game. Better reasons include spending time with friends, staying in shape, challenging yourself, and enjoying some of the best scenery you'll ever see. (Tennis courts are all pretty much the same, but each golf course is different, and many are designed to show off their gorgeous surroundings.) Golf is physical, mental, and even spiritual challenge - it tests your skill and your will. It tests your self.

And it's a game for a lifetime. Lots of people played football or basketball in high school, but how many are returning punts or grabbing rebounds when they're 50 or 60 years old? I know 70-year-old golfers who have "shot their age," meaning they carded a score of 70 or better. I'm one of them. The term means that your score for a full round is the same or less than your chronological age. Here's hoping you play the game long enough to shoot your age someday!

The most important reason to play, though, is that golf is magic - and totally addictive. After it becomes part of your life, you can barely imagine living without it.

It's also difficult. Otherwise, everybody would be out there earning millions on the PGA (Professional Golfers' Association) and LPGA (Ladies Professional Golf Association) tours. As I see it, there are two main reasons why:

• The ball doesn't move on its own.
• You have, on average, about three minutes between shots.

In other words, you don't react to the ball as you do in most sports. A baseball gets thrown, hit, and spat on. A football gets passed, tossed, kicked, and carried. A basketball gets shot, rebounded, and dribbled. But a golf ball just sits there, daring you not to lose it.

In most sports, you have only an instant to react to the action - natural athletic instincts take over, and you move to the ball. In golf, you get far too long to think about what you're doing. Thinking too much - worrying about what might go wrong with the next shot - can make your worst fears come true.

Maybe golf would be easier if the ball moved and you were running after it. Then you could stop worrying and react. But if it were easy, it wouldn't be golf.

Like many sports, golf has a language all its own. If you're just starting out, you'll encounter many terms that might be unfamiliar as you go through this book. Dogleg. Waggle. Double eagle. But don't worry! You'll find them all defined in Appendix A at the back of the book.

Breaking Down a Typical Course

Most courses have 18 holes, although some have only 9. The 19th hole is golfspeak for the clubhouse bar - the place where you can guzzle an Arnold Palmer (a mix of iced tea and lemonade) or a John Daly (a spiked Arnold Palmer) and regale your friends with tales of how the rub of the green went against you. (See Appendix A for more on golf jargon.) Seaside courses are called links - the parts of Scotland where the game began were the link between beach and farmland. Many people use "links" to mean any golf course, but purists stick to the correct usage: A links is a course by the water.

Most courses are between 5,500 and 7,000 yards. A few monsters are longer, but leave those courses to the pros you see on TV. It's a good idea to start at the shorter yardages and work your way up. It's also important to start each hole from the proper set of tees - a topic I'll get to later in this section.

You may have heard the word, par, which is the number of strokes a good golfer should take to finish a particular hole. Every hole is a par-3, a par-4, or a par-5. (Par-2s are for minigolf; the exceedingly rare par-6 hole is usually a gimmick.) On a par-5 hole, for example, a typical par consists of a drive (the first swing from the tee), two more full swings, and two putts. Two putts to the hole (also known as a cup) is the most you want to take on every green.

Three putts are poison. Don't worry if you take three putts on a green when you're starting out in the game because it'll happen. If you take only one, congratulations! That's a bonus. See Chapter 10 for my surefire putting tips. For now, remember that during an ideal round of golf, half your strokes will be putts. A good day with your putter can make up for a bad day with every other club in your golf bag.

Many courses have a total par of 72, often consisting of ten par-4s (40 regulation strokes), four par-3s (12), and four par-5s (20). But you can find golf courses with total pars of anywhere from 62 to 74. Table 1-1 lists each type of hole's regulation strokes and the yardages that generally determine par on a hole for men and women. It's worth noting that these guidelines don't always refer to precise yardages, but rather to what the United States Golf Association (USGA) calls a hole's "effective playing length." A 460-yard hole that goes straight uphill, for instance, may be a par-5 for men.

TABLE 1-1 Shooting for Par

Par

Regulation Strokes

Regulation Yardages

Women

Men

Par-3

1 swing, 2 putts

200 yards or less

260 yards or less

Par-4

2 swings, 2 putts

200-420 yards

240-490 yards

Par-5

3 swings, 2 putts

370-600 yards

450-710 yards

Source: USGA

That's the big picture.

You often find different teeing areas on each hole, allowing you to play the hole from different lengths based on your skill level. Pay attention to these...