"Sir,
"My Granmother wos very much trubeld With the Gout and dide with it my father wos also and dide with it when i was 14 years of age i wos in the habbet of Gettin whet feet Every Night by pumping water out of a Celler Wich Cas me to have the tipes fever wich Cas my Defness when i was 23 of age i fell in the Water betwen the ice and i have Bin in the habbet of Getting wet when traviling i have Bin trubbeld with Gout for seven years
"Your most humbel
"Servent
. . . . . . . .
. . . . . .
Clearkenwell"
Chelsea College has been supposed by foreigners to be an institution for the teaching of orthography; probably in consequence of a passage in the well known song in "The Waterman,"
"Never more at Chelsea Ferry,
Shall your Thomas take a spell."
Q. Why is a dunce no conjuror?
A. Because he cannot spell.
Among the various kinds of spelling may be enumerated spelling for a favour; or giving what is called a broad hint.
Certain rules for the division of words into syllables are laid down in some grammars, and we should be very glad to follow the established usage, but, limited as we are by considerations of comicality and space, we cannot afford to give more than two very general directions. If you do not know how to spell a word, look it out in the dictionary, and if you have no dictionary by you, write the word in such a way, that, while it may be guessed at, it shall not be legible.
CHAPTER III.
Table of Contents OF WORDS IN GENERAL.
There is no one question that we are aware of more puzzling than this, "What is your opinion of things in general?" Words in general are, fortunately for us, a subject on which the formation of an opinion is somewhat more easy. Words stand for things: they are a sort of counters, checks, bank-notes, and sometimes, indeed, they are notes for which people get a great deal of money. Such words, however, are, alas! not English words, or words sterling. Strange! that so much should be given for a mere song. It is quite clear that the givers, whatever may be their pretensions to a refined or literary taste, must be entirely unacquainted with Wordsworth.
Fine words are oily enough, and he who uses them is vulgarly said to "cut it fat;" but for all that it is well known that they will not butter parsnips.
Some say that words are but wind: for this reason, when people are having words, it is often said, that "the wind's up."
Different words please different people. Philosophers are fond of hard words; pedants of tough words, long words, and crackjaw words; bullies, of rough words; boasters, of big words; the rising generation, of slang words; fashionable people, of French words; wits, of sharp words and smart words; and ladies, of nice words, sweet words, soft words, and soothing words; and, indeed, of words in general.
Words (when spoken) are articulate sounds used by common consent as signs of our ideas.
A word of one syllable is called a Monosyllable: as, you, are, a, great, oaf.
A word of two syllables is named a Dissyllable; as, cat-gut, mu-sic.
A word of three syllables is termed a Trisyllable; as, Mag-net-ism, Mum-mer-y.
A word of four or more syllables is entitled a Polysyllable; as, in-ter-mi-na-ble, cir-cum-lo-cu-ti-on, ex-as-pe-ra-ted, func-ti-o-na-ry, met-ro-po-li-tan, ro-tun-di-ty.
Words of more syllables than one are sometimes comically contracted into one syllable; as, in s'pose for suppose, b'lieve for believe, and 'scuse for excuse: here, perhaps, 'buss, abbreviated from omnibus, deserves to be mentioned.
In like manner, many long words are elegantly trimmed and shortened; as, ornary for ordinary, 'strornary for extraordinary, and curosity for curiosity; to which mysterus for mysterious may also be added.
Polysyllables are an essential element in the sublime, both in poetry and in prose; but especially in that species of the sublime which borders very closely on the ridiculous; as,
"Aldiborontiphoscophormio,
Where left'st thou Chrononhotonthologos?"
All words are either primitive or derivative. A primitive word is that which cannot be reduced to any simpler word in the language; as, brass, York, knave. A derivative word, under the head of which compound words are also included, is that which may be reduced to another and a more simple word in the English language; as, brazen, Yorkshire, knavery, mud-lark, lighterman.
Broadbrim is a derivative word; but it is one often applied to a very primitive kind of person.
PART II.
ETYMOLOGY.
Table of Contents CHAPTER I.
Table of Contents A COMICAL VIEW OF THE PARTS OF SPEECH.
Etymology teaches the varieties, modifications, and derivation of words.
The derivation of words means that which they come from as words; for what they come from as sounds, is another matter. Some words come from the heart, and then they are pathetic; others from the nose, in which case they are ludicrous. The funniest place, however, from which words can come, is the stomach. By the way, the Lord Mayor would do well to keep a ventriloquist, from whom, at a moment's notice, he might ascertain the voice of the corporation.
Comic Etymology teaches us the varieties, modifications, and derivation, of words invested with a comic character.
Grammatically speaking, we say that there are, in English, as many sorts of words as a cat is said to have lives, nine; namely, the Article, the Substantive or Noun, the Adjective, the Pronoun, the Verb, the Adverb, the Preposition, the Conjunction, and the Interjection.
Comically speaking, there are a great many sorts of words which we have not room enough to particularise individually. We can therefore only afford to classify them. For instance; there are words which are spoken in the Low Countries, and are High Dutch to persons of quality; as in Billingsgate, Whitechapel, and St. Giles's.
Words in use amongst all those who have to do with horses.
Words that pass between rival cab-men.
Words peculiar to the P. R. where the order of the day is generally a word and a blow.
Words spoken in a state of intoxication.
Words uttered under excitement.
Words of endearment, addressed to children in arms.
Similar words, sometimes called burning, tender, soft, and broken words, addressed to young ladies, and whispered, lisped, sighed, or drawled, according to circumstances.
Words of honour; as, tailors' words and shoemakers' words; which, like the above-mentioned, or lovers' words, are very often broken.
With many other sorts of words, which will be readily suggested by the reader's fancy.
But now let us go on with the parts of speech.
1. An Article is a word prefixed to substantives to point them out, and to show the extent of their meaning; as, a dandy, an ape, the simpleton.
One kind of comic article is otherwise denominated an oddity, or queer article.
Another kind of comic article is often to be met with in Bentley's Miscellany.
2. A Substantive or Noun is the name of anything that exists, or of which we have any notion; as, tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, apothecary, ploughboy, thief.
Now the above definition of a substantive is Lindley Murray's, not ours. We mention this, because we have an objection, though, not, perhaps, a serious one, to urge against it; for, in the first place, we have "no notion" of impudence, and yet impudence is a substantive; and, in the second, we invite attention to the following piece of Logic,
A substantive is something,
But nothing is a substantive;
Therefore, nothing is something.
A substantive may generally be known by its taking an article before it, and by its making sense of itself: as, a treat, the mulligrubs, an ache.
3. An Adjective is a word joined to a substantive to denote its quality; as a ragged regiment, an odd set.
You may distinguish an adjective by its making sense with the word thing: as, a poor thing, a sweet thing, a cool thing; or with any particular substantive, as a ticklish position, an awkward mistake, a strange step.
4. A Pronoun is a word used in lieu of a noun, in order to avoid tautology: as, "The man wants calves; he is a lath; he is a walking-stick."
5. A Verb is a word which signifies to be, to do, or to suffer: as, I am; I calculate; I am fixed.
A verb may usually be distinguished by its making sense with a personal pronoun, or with the word to before it: as I yell, he grins, they caper; or to drink, to smoke, to chew.
Fashionable accomplishments!
Certain substantives are, with peculiar elegance, and by persons who call themselves genteel, converted into verbs: as, "Do you wine?" "Will you malt?" "Let me persuade you to cheese?"
6. An Adverb is a part of speech which, joined to a verb, an adjective, or another adverb, serves to express some quality or circumstance concerning it: as, "She swears dreadfully; she is incorrigibly lazy; and she is almost continually in liquor."
7. An adverb is generally characterised by answering to the question, How? how much? when? or where? as in the verse,...
