INT. EUROSTAR TRAIN - DAY
Darkness: then -
A pinprick of light in the distance which grows brighter as we approach.
We rush out of a tunnel into the light.
INT. TRAIN - MORNING
As the train bursts into the light, a champagne bottle bursts and overspills into a glass.
On board, even at this early hour, there's a party taking place. A group of loud British office workers on a weekend away - drinking and laughing, the beginning of a binge.
As we move through the carriage we find an altogether more stately Meg sitting opposite her husband Nick. Both are in their late fifties.
She is reading a historical novel, perhaps by Hilary Mantel, but looks up to examine her restless husband, who looks out of the window, scratches, murmurs to himself, attempts to read the paper, but is bored and restless.
NICK
I'll . er .
He pats his pockets anxiously.
MEG
You've got the euros.
NICK
I've got the euros? Have I?
MEG
Don't start.
NICK
You lose things all the time.
MEG
I'll lose you in a minute.
INT. EUROSTAR TRAIN, CATERING CARRIAGE - DAY
Nick looks at the French countryside, melancholy, looking back as it rushes away from him, trying to pull himself together, sipping coffee.
He turns and she's there, looking at him. He is pleased to see her, though it is almost awkward.
NICK
Aren't you enjoying your book?
MEG
I want to be with you.
He looks at her shyly, as if he wants to touch her, but is afraid to.
NICK
Coffee?
GARE DU NORD PLATFORM - DAY
They walk along with all the other passengers.
NICK
Do we the need the passports again?
MEG
You've got the passports.
NICK
I have?
MEG
You've got the passports and you've got the euros.
EXT. GARE DU NORD - DAY
The two of them walking across the crowded and chaotic concourse of the Gare du Nord.
NICK
This is exactly what I needed! Can't we have lunch immediately?
MEG
Are you starving?
NICK
Practically dribbling.
MEG
I like a man who knows how to dribble.
INT. METRO TRAIN - DAY
On the train.
Meg sees Nick watching a Young Woman smiling at him as he stands there sweating and struggling with his shoulder bag, the tickets and their other bags, along with some sort of hat.
For a moment Nick wonders if the Young Woman might find him attractive, and he smiles back at her, raising his eyebrows and adjusting his shirt.
The Young Woman gets up and offers him her seat. He declines politely, embarrassed.
Meg, across the carriage, is pissing herself laughing.
EXT. PARIS STREET/MÉTRO ENTRANCE - DAY
A Métro station entrance, surrounded by a noisy crowd of North Africans hanging about.
Nick and Meg emerge. Anticipating a familiar Paris of well-known monuments, they look around somewhat confusedly.
Taking Meg's arm, Nick pushes through the crowd.
EXT. STREET - DAY
They walk through a street of African barbers and record and telephone shops, as African hip-hop blares from an open door.
MEG
This can't be right.
Nick examines a map.
NICK
Are you getting grumpy already?
MEG
Not yet, no.
NICK
Just limbering up, eh?
MEG
Just limbering up.
Nick turns his map the other way up.
EXT. STREET - DAY
They walk, panting a bit now. Perhaps up some steps.
NICK
We stayed in bed for three days.
MEG
Yes, well, those were the days.
NICK
Those were the nights.
A bag slips awkwardly from his shoulder on to the cobbles.
MEG
Come on, dear. Can you manage?
EXT. STREET/HOTEL - DAY
Finally they stop outside a little Montmartre hotel.
Nick does a little dance in front of it, and sings a little song.
MEG
Surely not.
NICK
They've tarted it up.
MEG
They have?
NICK
Come on, love. It begins now. Le week-end.
He grabs the luggage and barges into the hotel.
INT. HOTEL /STAIRS - DAY
Meg watches him struggling up the narrow stairs with the gear, while whistling jauntily.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
He unlocks the door and opens it on to a tiny room.
NICK
(breathless)
A bijou love nest. And a little balcony too!
He takes a step towards the balcony and trips over the corner of the bed.
If you stand on tip toe with a telescope I reckon you could see the Hunchback of Notre Dame's arse!
Meg surveys the room.
MEG
It's . beige.
He scrambles to get up, watching her face.
NICK
There is some light brownness about it, yes.
She takes a final look at the room and turns and leaves.
NICK
Meg! Don't do this, Meg!
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY
Nick is shouting in English. Meg stands and watches this charade, before making up her mind.
NICK
No, too brown. Bruin! Too mal petit - will induce biliousness in my wife! Will make me très malheursement and méchant - sad, oh God - and ruin my marriage!
He clutches himself by the throat and mimes hanging himself.
RECEPTIONIST
Excuse me?
NICK
Last time .
RECEPTIONIST
When, when?
NICK
The eighties. The rooms were bigger. They were a different colour!
RECEPTIONIST
You recommend we should redecorate?
NICK
I say, please respect us, we are not well off, refund the deposit!
RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry - didn't you consult the website?
NICK
Je vous en prie . donnez-nous une suite!
He turns to see Meg sweeping out of the hotel.
RECEPTIONIST
Ce n'est pas possible. Nous n'en avons pas.
Nick loses it.
NICK
Merde! Turd! You idiot, idiot! How can you treat us like this!
He rushes out after her .
RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry, sir. We do have a complimentary breakfast .
EXT. STREET - DAY
Struggling with the bags, Nick rushes out of the hotel and down the street to where Meg is getting into a cab, about to shut the door.
NICK
Wait . wait . wait . wait for me .
INT. TAXI - DAY
The cab is on the move.
He is sitting there with the bags on his knees and in his arms.
She looks at him.
MEG
This was your idea!
NICK
Yes - how terrible - to be in Paris!
MEG
You want us to sleep in a coffin!
NICK
You have a better idea?
INT. /EXT. TAXI - DAY
Inside the rattling cab, Meg, suddenly invigorated, leans forward to shove money at the startled driver, who soon gets the idea.
MEG
Do it! Go, go!
DRIVER
Where?
MEG
(pointing)
There! Move, man, move! Foot down!
Now, for the first time as the cab rattles breathlessly and chaotically along, we see the city properly, The sights - a...
