Leadership Without Mind Games

1. Cheating is Welcome-Lies and Fraud Everywhere

What This Is All About:

Where the fascination for psychological tricks comes from and what makes us so susceptible to manipulation in the first place. Why we sometimes let ourselves be seduced so easily and, against our better judgment, ignore all the warning signals. Which well-known examples, as well as less common ones, can help us identify our personal thinking patterns.

The Psychological Trick-How it all began

In the very beginning, according to the Bible, God created Adam and Eve-and the Devil invented the psychological trick. You know the story: Adam and Eve are the first human beings created by God, and they initially have an utterly easygoing existence in Paradise, the Garden of Eden. But then the Snake persuades Eve to eat the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, despite God's prohibition.

"Apple, anyone?"

"Oh, no, I'd rather not. We could get in trouble for this."

"No one will notice."

"But if someone gets wind of this, we'll get kicked out of here for sure."

"Oh, nothing much can happen."

"Well, okay." (She bites.)

"Ha-ha, gotcha!" (He sneaks away.)

Christianity speaks of the Fall of Man, and many painters, among them Michelangelo, Rubens, Lucas Cranach the Elder, or Albrecht Durer, have captured this key scene of the human genesis in their works. As a consequence of the rebellion, the Bible describes how Adam and Eve become aware of their nakedness and are ashamed of it. They then make clothes from fig leaves and try to hide from God. God confronts them, and Adam puts the blame on Eve, and Eve on the serpent. In the Christian tradition, the serpent is often referred to as the Devil. Adam and Eve are expelled from the Garden of Eden, and from then on they have to take their existence into their own hands, and so must all generations after that.

The incident with the apple represents, at least for Western culture, something like the beginning of seduction and manipulation. It's the prototype of the psychological trick, if you will. Even back then, using tricks only provided a short-term prospect of success, and it ultimately left long-term negative consequences in its wake. Unfortunately, the desire for increased power through the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil was discovered much faster than expected, and it led to a termination without notice for the first two managing directors of the Enterprise Humanity.

"Objection, Mr. Chairman, we've been set up."

"Weak plea. Ever heard of free will and personal responsibility?"

"Yeah, but."

"No way, it's your fault. End of discussion. Objection overruled. So sorry."

The ultimate consequence-dismissal. The expulsion of man from paradise.

If we follow the story a bit further, we realize that that's when all the trouble really started. As if the expulsion wasn't bad enough, there was a whole series of other inconveniences for the rest of humanity. The nudity that had been considered natural until then suddenly caused a shame unknown previously, and from then on it had to be covered. Also, the boss delegated the responsibility for the food procurement and the procreation departments to the employees forever.

Yet everything could have been so simple. Just imagine what we would have been spared if Eve had simply made a different decision at this significant juncture in the history of human development. What if she had shown a little more loyalty and compliance to her CEO, or paused for a moment just before this emotionally driven rush to action, and perhaps asked for a day to think things over?

"Thank you very much for the interesting offer, Mr. Serpent. I think I'll sleep on it." Perhaps she would have taken the opportunity to have an open conversation with her husband.

"Adam, you won't believe what this shady salesman suggested to me today. Do you think I should go for it?"

And after careful consideration, weighing all the pros and cons, she would have probably decided against stealing the apple.

"No, I think I'd rather not."

What a great show of character would it have been to resist that temptation! And how might the history of mankind have developed then! Maybe we would still be living in paradise today and would be at peace with nature and our self-esteem. We wouldn't have to spend endless amounts of money on clothes, hairdressers, cellulite creams, or plastic surgery. How wonderful would it be not to have to worry about our livelihood! We would not be confronted with such burdensome questions as to what to wear today or which new car to choose when the leasing contract expires. Thank you very much, Mrs. Eve! We wouldn't have to worry about psychological tricks and I wouldn't be giving any lectures on this topic, wouldn't have written this book, and you wouldn't have been able to buy it. Well, yes. I guess that would somehow present some disadvantages. Anyway, enough of the wishful thinking. As you know, things turned out quite differently.

The foundation of our existence is trust. That's why Mind Games hurt us so much.

Since the slightly unsuccessful start of the human enterprise, our reality is now generally such that we're born into this world as infants. Just a moment ago we were inside Mom's warm belly-this uterus paradise with a pleasant temperature where we were completely taken care of. In our amniotic sac of happiness, we didn't need to worry about food supply or disposal and weren't bothered by shady apple seducers. Unfortunately, at some point it got too tight for us in there and we had to see the light of day, even though we were not yet fully developed. Basically, we got thrown out of paradise again, even though this time we hadn't even misbehaved in any way. Tenancy expired, move out required. Lights on! Let go! And.breathe! No sooner have we recovered from the strains of our move than we're suddenly born into a completely strange environment. In this new environment, we're confronted with the everyday hardships of our new existence and hopelessly overwhelmed. Previously unknown sensory impressions such as hunger, thirst, or digestive activities weigh on us-this must be quite a shock for such a tender child's soul. There's only one saving thing that helps to get by: trust. That is the very foundation of our existence even before we know what it is or how it is pronounced. In our vulnerability, we have no choice but to trust that we'll be taken care of and that our needs will be met, even if at the moment we can only express them through inarticulate sounds. Otherwise, we'll die.

Unlike other mammals, we're not yet able to stand on our own feet and be nearly autonomous shortly after birth. To be fully developed we would have to spend about one more year in the womb before we'd be big enough and ready to walk upright. But not even the most self-sacrificing mother with the most flexible pelvis in the world has such capability. So, unfortunately, we must be born in the middle of our half-finished development process, because otherwise we would simply be too much of a heavyweight to arrive through the natural distribution channel. That's why this early birth must be followed by an extensive phase of brood care, and even after that, we're far from finished with our development. Instead, we must laboriously realize through socialization and schooling that we're not the center of the world, and that we cannot simply take the shovel away from someone else in the sandbox.

Furthermore, we have to learn, with great effort, that we cannot have everything we'd like, and certainly not always on the spot. Our next developmental task is to understand that our wishes don't always get fulfilled immediately, and that some goals can only be achieved after a long and laborious journey. The childish pleasure principle (I want everything, right now!) will be replaced by the reality principle if everything goes well for us. Sigmund Freud reported on this more than a hundred years ago. For this developmental phase, however, we need a good portion of confidence and the positive control conviction that we can achieve our goals with patience and determination. We have to realize that it may well make sense to postpone the short-term satisfaction of needs in favor of a later, even more attractive goal. It's very helpful and positively reinforcing for us if we have already had one or two successful experiences with this strategy. Even the occasional failure will not necessarily take us off course. No, quite the contrary. Sometimes we're even more encouraged by it because success is only experienced as such if it's connected to a corresponding effort. However, we...