In The Strange South Seas

Excerpt: Like an idle messenger-boy, Fate takes a long while about her rounds, but she will get through with them and deliver all her parcels, if you give her time enough. She has so much business that she confuses orders very often, and you are never sure of getting what you sent for. Still, you will certainly get something, if you wait, and it may even be the thing you demanded. The morning she called at my door, with a very full basket, she had already been to my neighbours, and given them, in a big assortment of goods?a failure on the Stock Exchange, a hunting accident, and a broken engagement. What they had ordered was a seat in Parliament, and a winter at Monte Carlo, with anything good that might come in the way of new-laid motor-cars. But Fate was, as usual, in a hurry, and she never changes any goods, once delivered. So they had to take them in. I had given up expecting her when her knock came to my door, because my order had been sent in some years ago, and so far had remained unacknowledged. But she fairly emptied her basket into my hands, once she was admitted. ?Goods all right, and none the worse for keeping; couldn?t find time to see to you before, I?ve been so busy attending to an order from Japan for a new army and a gross of assorted victories,? she panted. ?Had to serve the Czar of Russia with a lot of old defeats I?ve had lying by since the Crimea, instead of the new empire he sent for; and can?t get time to fill more than half the German Emperor?s order for fireworks. You private people are lucky to get anything at all. Count the goods, please?one journey round the world, two-and-a-half years of mixed adventures, a hundred South Sea Islands, threescore new friends, first quality, one large package luck. That?s all, I think?sign the book, and let me go; I?ve got seven attacks of appendicitis, a foreclosed mortgage, two lawsuits, and a divorce, to deliver in this square before lunch.? So, like the fairy tales, ?it all came true,? and one bright winter afternoon a Cunard liner bore me away from the streets and shops and drab-coloured, huddled houses of Liverpool, down the muddy Mersey?off round the world.