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We need conflict at work. But we need to be better at it.
A highly practical, immediately implementable guide to getting good at conflict at work. The ability to engage with healthy conflict is a crucial element of high performance, and the foundation of collaborative, inclusive and innovative cultures.
Drawing on the latest evidence and thinking from psychology and coaching research, Smart Conflict will equip you with the skills you need to manage conflict with confidence and compassion.
As experienced conflict and leadership team coaches, Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst know that not enough conflict of the right kind is just as damaging to teams and organizations as having too much of the wrong kind. Whether your default conflict style is avoidant, inflexible or aggressive, this book will give you the tools to embrace Smart Conflict and transform your leadership, your team, and maybe your life.
Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst are the founders of The Power House, a global leadership development business focused on unlocking human and organizational potential. They are on a mission to support leaders to build conflict-competent cultures in organizations everywhere.
Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst are the co-founders of The Power House, a global leadership development business focused on unlocking human and organizational potential. They combine decades of experience coaching leaders, founders, executive teams and boards in household name companies across a wide range of sectors for thousands of hours.
They met at Henley Business School studying for the MSc in Coaching and Behaviour Change and between them hold accreditations with the International Coaching Federation, the European Mentoring and Coaching Council and in Mediation and Conflict Resolution.
Together, they are on a mission to support leaders to build conflict-competent cultures in organizations everywhere.
INTRODUCTION Why does conflict at work matter?; Why did we write this book?; Who this book is for?; Before you start, above all - have hope; What do we mean when we talk about damaging workplace conflict?; What do we mean by hard conversations?
WHAT IS SMART CONFLICT? What is smart about our approach?; The Key Mindset Shift: Understanding Task Conflict vs Interpersonal Conflict; The Relationship is everything; The Outsized Importance of Repair; Note to Reader (Otherwise known as: Health Warning)
QUICK-START GUIDE
PART 1 - UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT AT WORK
WHY WE FEAR CONFLICT IN LIFE AND WORK The drive to prioritise our relationships; Conflict = damaged relationships?; Clear is kind; Anger - the forbidden feeling; Is it harder to disagree at work than ever?; Not knowing how to do it; Find your 'why';
THE INFLUENCE OF GENETICS, FAMILY, CULTURE AND GENDER Our personal history; The influence of siblings; Looking forward; The role of genetics; Understanding Culture Codes; The power of organisational culture; Differing gender expectations;
PART 2 - THE SMART CONFLICT 5R MODEL
REFLECTION Increasing your conflict self-awareness; Understanding your Family Foundations; Introducing the 6 Default Conflict Styles; Understanding attachment styles in Conflict; Illuminating Conflict dynamics; What are we actually fighting about?; Stepping out of the drama triangle; Unpacking trust; Projection in conflict: When it's not about them (but it feels like it is); Creating a reflection habit - Your conflict reflection journal
REGULATION You can choose your response; A bit about the brain's stress response; How to self-regulate; When to regulate; Top-down techniques; Bottom-up techniques
READINESS First things first, does it need saying?; The 'being' of readiness - mindsets and tools for overcoming blocks; Doing it well - the skills for a hard conversation
RESPONSE A note on managing risks; Responding when things get derailed: Tools & Techniques; Trouble shooting; Reasons to hang in there when it feels hard
REPAIR Repair it with liquid gold; What counts as rupture in working relationships?; What gets in the way of repair?; How repair happens: The Rupture to Repair Ratio; What counts as a bid for repair?; What repair looks like in practice; A note on apologies; The relational marble jar; The Repair Conversation Guide; What if it can't be repaired?
MAKING IT STICK The neuroscience of change; Handling setbacks; Building effective conflict habits; Keep Going
Further Resources
Acknowledgements
Index
About the authors
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