Chapter 1
Devotion, Duty, and Divine Design:
A Biblical View of Marriage
In today's world, the shelves are packed with books and advice about marriage. You'll find everything from how to find "The One," to tips on reigniting passion, to steps for overcoming the inevitable ups and downs. Marriage can feel like a puzzle-one day, everything falls in place, and it feels like you and your spouse can take on the world. Then, out of nowhere, the winds shift, and you're left feeling misunderstood, distant, and frustrated. If you've been married for any length of time, you may have found yourself quietly wondering, "Why did I get married?"
In those challenging moments, it's easy to lose sight of the deeper purpose of marriage. Our culture often treats marriage like a trial-and-error process where if things don't work out, the solution is to walk away and try again-treating marriage like a discarded, ill-fitted jacket. However, God's design for marriage is far more enduring. He created marriage as a sacred duty, an unbreakable covenant, and not just a partnership of convenience. This chapter encourages us to look beyond fleeting emotions and cultural norms and instead embrace the profound, biblical foundation of marriage as a lifelong commitment. A sacred bond that endures not by ease or luck, but through devotion, faith, and love that mirrors God's own relationship with us.
Marriage as a Sacred Covenant
The biblical view of marriage as a "sacred union," a "God-honoring covenant," is deeply rooted in the very nature of God's relationship with humanity. A covenant is a solemn, binding agreement or promise between two parties. When we gave our lives to Christ, we entered an Everlasting Covenant that's not contractual in nature. God always keeps His end of the covenant, even when humanity dishonors theirs. Covenants supersede contracts because they are unconditional. In the Bible, marriage is a covenant-it's a divine, eternal institution entered into by three (the husband, the wife, and God) and designed to reflect the character of God's faithfulness, sacrifice, and love.
To describe the marital covenant as "sacred" highlights that marriage is not just a human agreement but one that involves God's presence and blessing. Too many couples are entering into marriage without understanding the spiritual implications. When husbands and wives stand at that altar to get married, God is present! God Himself is the ultimate witness of the vows exchanged at the wedding ceremony (Malachi 2:14), not our family and friends who sign the marriage certificate. God Himself is one of the three cords that fortify the marriage in Ecclesiastes 4:12. Viewing the marriage from this perspective elevates the union above companionship or how society socially constructs marriage to emphasizing the spiritual dimension of the relationship.
In Genesis 2:24, the creation of the first marriage between Adam and Eve establishes a profound understanding of the marital relationship. It says, "A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This verse not only defines marriage as a union of two individuals, but also speaks about the depth and sacred nature of that bond. The phrase "one flesh" signifies a deep unity that goes beyond physical connection-it encompasses emotional, spiritual, and relational oneness. Becoming one flesh is about the deep integration of lives, where the couple's desires, goals, and actions are aligned in a shared purpose.
Being "one flesh" signifies a deep unity that transcends physical intimacy, extending into emotional connections, shared responsibilities, mutual growth, and spiritual harmony. In the early years of our marriage, Kav and I didn't fully grasp the meaning of "one flesh." After our wedding, we continued to operate as two individuals with separate agendas. We often found ourselves in conflict, each trying to assert our own way. However, as we grew in our understanding of Jesus Christ, we began to recognize how important it was to align our individual desires with God's greater purpose for our marriage. We slowly learned to put our personal wants aside and seek His plan for our covenant, which ultimately strengthened our bond and brought us closer together.
My dream was to become a pediatrician, while Kavin's aspiration was to play professional basketball. I was an exceptional student, and he was a talented athlete. But when we united in marriage, we made the choice to set aside our individual ambitions and seek God's will for our lives, both personally and as a couple. God began to redirect our paths toward ministry, calling us to serve His people. As we embraced our roles as pastors, our desires, plans, and decisions began to align in a way that showed we were truly becoming "one flesh." While we understood the covenant aspect of marriage, it took time to fully embrace the concept of "one flesh" in this way. We no longer approached our marriage with a transactional mindset-"If you do this, I'll do that"-but instead, our love shifted to become more sacrificial and unconditional. We were now united in purpose, dedicated to the same mission, and our commitment to each other grew deeper as we walked this path together.
The Marital Covenant as a Symbol of Christ and the Church
Understanding marriage as a covenant between husband and wife lays the groundwork for grasping its deeper, spiritual significance. Many couples approach marriage from a purely human perspective, viewing it simply as a commitment between two people in an exclusive relationship. While this aspect is significant, marriage is far more profound than just an exclusive relationship between two. It is a sacred institution designed by God to serve as a living symbol of Christ's relationship with the Church, reflecting His selfless love, unwavering commitment, and redemptive purpose.
Just as a husband and wife pledge their love, faithfulness, and unity to one another, so too does Christ commit Himself to His bride, the Church, in an everlasting covenant of grace and redemption. By understanding this divine parallel, we can begin to see how marriage transcends earthly commitments. Marriage is a spiritual union that calls both partners to love, sacrifice, and serve in a way that mirrors Christ's love for His people.
In Ephesians 5:25-27, the Apostle Paul provides a profound comparison, urging husbands to love their wives "just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word." While husbands cannot spiritually cleanse their wives (e.g., they cannot redeem them or sanctify them) like Jesus did for the Church, they can take an active role in supporting their wives' spiritual growth and well-being.
As the spiritual leaders of their homes, husbands have the responsibility to guide, nurture, and encourage their wives in their walk with God, creating an environment where holiness and devotion can flourish. By praying together, studying Scripture, and modeling Christ-like love, a husband fulfills his role as a spiritual protector, helping his wife remain aligned with God's will.
When marriage is viewed through this lens, it goes beyond the temporal and becomes a living testimony of God's covenantal love. Christ's unwavering commitment to His Church is marked by sacrifice, grace, and redemption. Similarly, the marital covenant calls husbands and wives to mirror these qualities. Wives are encouraged to submit to their husbands "as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22), and husbands are commanded to love their wives sacrificially. This mutual submission and love create a union that points back to the redemptive work of Christ.
Additionally, Revelation 19:7-9 refers to the Church as the bride of Christ, anticipating the ultimate union at the "wedding supper of the Lamb." This depiction highlights the divine significance of marriage as a symbol of the eternal relationship between Christ and His redeemed people. Just as the Church is called to prepare herself, remaining faithful and pure, so too are spouses called to nurture faithfulness, unity, and purity within their relationship.
Christ's sacrifice for the church and His ongoing commitment to sanctify and purify her (Ephesians 5:25-32) should be reflected in the way husbands and wives love and serve each other.
Ephesians 5:25-32 declares the following:
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.
26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.
27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife shows love for himself.
29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.
30 And we are members of his body.
31 As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."
32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.
In Ephesians 5:25, Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave up His life for her. As briefly discussed,...
