About the Authors ix
Introduction to Helping Men Recover xi
Introduction to A Man's Workbook xiii
Opening Session: Introduction to the Program 1
Module A: Self 17
Session 2. Defining Self 19
Session 3. Men in Recovery 29
Session 4. A Sense of Self 35
Session 5. Men: Inside and Out 43
Session 6. Men and Feelings 51
Module B: Relationships 59
Session 7. Family of Origin 61
Session 8. Barriers to Healthy Relationships 71
Session 9. Fathers 83
Session 10. Mothers 93
Session 11. Creating Healthy Relationships and Support Systems 103
Session 12. Effective Communication 115
Session 13. Creating and Maintaining Intimacy 125
Module C: Sexuality 131
Session 14. Sexuality and Addiction 133
Session 15. Sexual Identity 145
Session 16. Barriers to Sexual Health 159
Session 17. Healthy Sexuality 171
Module D: Spirituality 181
Session 18. What Is Spirituality? 183
Session 19. Power and Privilege 199
Session 20. Building Resilience 217
Session 21. Creating a Vision 231
Additional Recovery Resources 243
Appendix 1. The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous 244
Appendix 2. Recovery Programs 246
Appendix 3. Online Recovery Meetings 249
Appendix 4. Redefining Gender 250
Appendix 5. Emotional Sobriety 254
Feedback Form 257
Opening Session: Introduction to the Program
Your facilitator's name is.
Your co-facilitator's name (if there is one) is.
Your group will meet.
Becoming Grounded
Being "grounded" means being able to remain present in the "here and now," even when experiencing powerful feelings. This session contains a couple of simple techniques that you can use by yourself when you are feeling uncomfortable or anxious or stressed. It is common and normal to occasionally feel uncomfortable, particularly when in a new group or when doing something unfamiliar.
Turn your attention inward and check out what is going on in your body. You may close your eyes or just lower your eyelids or focus by staring at something. Turn your attention to what you notice about yourself. Just curiously notice what you are feeling in your emotions and your body. Notice any areas of pain or tension or other sensations. Make any adjustments you need to help yourself feel more comfortable. See if anything changes as a result of your paying kind attention to it. You might notice your breath. Just allow yourself to explore your "felt" self for a bit.
This is a settling and grounding activity. It helps you to be a bit more comfortable with where you are and what is going on inside you. For people who have struggled with addiction and for those who have experienced trauma, this is a very important skill to learn.
Group Introductions
This group is a place for you to present yourself as you really are and to explore who you hope to become. It is a place to be your genuine self while supporting others who are doing the same thing. This program is created for men, trans men, and nonbinary people who have a masculine experience of the world. So, in order to be as inclusive as possible, we invite you to share your pronouns when you introduce yourselves.
If you are using this workbook on your own, read the questions and think about how you would introduce yourself to others.
- My name:
- When and where I was born:
- How I identify myself (including culture, ethnicity, race, and pronouns):
- The people in my family (can include a wife/husband or live-in partner, children, mother, father, brothers, sisters, or whomever you consider your immediate family):
- One thing I like about myself or a special gift that I have:
Goals of This Session
The goals of this session are
- To learn about the goals and structure of the program
- To begin to get to know one another and develop trust
- To create a list of group agreements
- To learn about men, addiction, and trauma
- To learn some relaxation and grounding activities
Typical Session Contents
- Each session will begin with a time to settle in and prepare to do what you need to do during the group session. Group members will then check in with one another.
- Next, your group will discuss the Between-Sessions Activities from the previous session and talk briefly about the goals of the current session.
- In each session, there will be information presented on specific topics, followed by activities and discussions based on the information. There will be questions to help guide the group discussions.
- In each module, you will practice some relaxation and grounding activities.
- Because some of the content in these sessions may be difficult for you to think about and talk about, the facilitator will strive to make the group a safe and supportive place where you can experience your feelings and learn from them and also practice supporting the other members of the group. These techniques also may help you as you go through the process of learning to cope without using alcohol and other drugs.
- Toward the end of each session, you will hear about new Between-Sessions Activities that will provide the opportunity to put into practice the new concepts and skills you are learning.
- There also is a grounding activity at the end of each session.
- At the beginning and end of each module, there is a Recovery Scale. The purpose of this scale is for you to evaluate your own progress as you move through the program. No one else will see this.
Program Sessions
Opening Session 1: Introduction to the Program
Module A: Self
Module B: Relationships
Module C: Sexuality
Module D: Spirituality
Examples of Group Agreements
If you are using this workbook individually, you may want to have some agreements with yourself (amount of time each day or week, etc.) while working through this program (see pages 6 and 7).
If you are using this workbook in a group, you may want to place a check mark next to the agreements that your group adopts.
- Attendance. We're all committing to show up at all the sessions. Your commitment to attend regularly helps to stabilize the group and creates an environment of mutual support. If you must miss a group session, please let a facilitator know in advance of that session. If you end up missing too many sessions, it may affect your ability to stay in the group. We also ask that you make a commitment to being on time for each session. A good way to do that is to try to be here five minutes before the session is supposed to start. If you are running late, please be sure to contact your facilitator.
- Confidentiality. No personal information revealed in the group is to be repeated outside the room. There can be no trust if information about a group member is given to outsiders or if group members gossip about one another. There are two exceptions to this rule of confidentiality: (1) The facilitators have to communicate with other members of your treatment teams as part of your ongoing care; and (2) We are required by law to report to appropriate authorities when a member's personal safety or the safety of another person is at stake. You, as group members, will be responsible for maintaining confidentiality among yourselves.
- Safety. It is important that each participant feels safe in the group. Safety includes feeling emotionally safe-feeling grounded and comfortable when sharing your thoughts and your problems with others. Our commitment is to make sure this is a safe group. In order for this to happen, we all need to agree that there will be no verbal, emotional, or physical abuse here.
- Engagement. Everyone is invited to join in the discussions. We would all like to hear what you have to say. However, you always have the option to "pass." Please share all your remarks with the whole group. Your comments, questions, and opinions are of interest to all of us, and side remarks from one individual to another tend to distract and divide the group. Also, please keep the focus on the process of recovery. If you think that the group is getting off the topic, please feel free to mention this.
- Self-disclosure. This is a program that invites you to share about yourself and your experiences. We want you to share only that with which you are comfortable. But we also want to encourage you to take risks and share information and parts of yourself that may feel vulnerable. Your vulnerability is your strength. It will be more helpful if you talk about your personal experiences, rather than about people in general, so speak with "I" statements rather than saying "they" or "you" or "we."
- Feedback. The group members learn from one another. One of the ways this is done is by giving and getting feedback. If you do not want feedback, simply let us know. If you are going to give feedback, please ask for permission first. Sometimes someone just wants to be heard. Always think about your motives for sharing feedback and make sure it is always for the benefit of the other person.
- Honesty. We're here to tell the truth. Nobody will pressure you to tell anything about yourself that you don't want to talk about, but when you do talk, tell the truth about where you've been and how you feel.
- Respect. When you tell the truth about what you think, please do so in a way that respects others in the group....
