CHAPTER 1 Braver Than a Badass:
Connecting the Dots "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something-your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."
STEVE JOBS Sometimes you can only identify what connection is by experiencing what it isn't. A few years ago, I had the "seemed like a good idea at the time" thought to leave my own business for a corporate job. Within minutes of having my ID picture taken, I knew I had made a huge mistake. On a daily basis, I walked into work feeling numb, a sense of doom and gloom washing over me. The reality had set in: I had accepted a job I was not meant to do, in an organization whose values did not align with mine. I couldn't trust my coworkers, who were given to gossip and backstabbing. I stuck it out for a year, and when I became physically sick, I quit. I was completely disconnected. This was the tipping point. I needed to get back to doing the work I love, coaching the clients I was meant to serve, and helping them find connection. I quit the job and found my way back to my own connection. Perhaps you, too, have had an experience where you found connection through disconnection? Read on. How Did I Get Here? Where Am I Going? Our lives and careers are a rapid-fire series of choices, events, relationships, missteps, and questions. It's the best connect-the-dots puzzle
ever. Every day you think, "Where do I want to go, what will get me there, and how can I make sense of where I have been?" The dot marked "start" was that fateful day when you arrived on planet Earth. From that dot you move along, day after day, traveling from place to place, drawing lines or pathways to the next place or next contact, finding your way as the bigger picture becomes clearer and more detailed. The destination isn't always clear. Sometimes you zig when you should zag. And just when you assume you are rudderless and drifting-
surprise!-you get back on course. Life, Career, and Relationships are all in the dots. Business is all in the dots. Connections and connecting are
everything. What Successful People Know about Connection The most successful CEOs, executives, entrepreneurs, and leaders know the key to success (e.g., more sales, increased productivity, better results, satisfied clients, better employee engagement, and a happier culture) is the ability to harness the power of authentic connection-that ability to be real with another person. This is even more difficult today amid high-tech distractions-social media, smartphones, instant messaging, and texting. What Is the Connection Challenge? We are wired for connection, yet in this age of distraction, we are challenged to stay focused on what matters most. A million things compete for our time and attention 24/7. Staying curious and present can be difficult. Our stress levels are high, and our patience can wane. It takes courage to take on the challenge of staying connected. It requires badass commitment and work. Do I still have
your attention? Great. Let's do a little poll. Are you an executive tired of feeling as if you are the only one who cares about producing quality work? Do you feel as if you are not getting through to your team members? Are you a CEO who wonders why business walks out the door and why sales are down? Are you an executive wondering why your staff isn't motivated and why retention is lousy? Are you an entrepreneur who is unfocused and stressed? Are you a business owner who wastes time chasing leads that go nowhere? If you answered yes to any question, you've come to the right place. Interconnected, Yet Disconnected? With the rise of technology, we are connected to everyone and everything. Our devices and cutting-edge technology have immense value. Every device and app we own can potentially create efficiencies and shortcuts. We can keep on top of what our friends are doing every minute of the day; texting and email are great tools to confirm or make an appointment or share an article or video. But everything in moderation, right? Has the convenience of having the world at our little texting fingertips left us more separated than connected? Have multitasking smart phones brought us closer to our inner purpose or further away from it? Are we staying connected to a dream, a goal or a relationship, or are we lost in the noise of what everyone else is doing? The Energy of Connection Noted social anthropologist, Brené Brown, in her book,
Daring Greatly, defines connection as, "the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship."
1 She examines connections in the context of living a daring life: how do we put ourselves into the world courageously and take on what challenges us most? I believe that the energy she describes is the essential component of connection. It's the heart of what we do and who we want to be. And heart may be the perfect word, with the experience of connection feeling like what I imagine "two hearts beating as one" might be. Six Degrees of Separation We are all separated by only six people-an idea that emerged out of nearly a century of mathematical and psychological research (and the basis of a great movie and Broadway show, too). One relationship can open the gateway to a world of possibilities. Relationships give us a sense of belonging to a group, a sense of identity, and a reason not to feel lonely. We learn from our experiences and perception of others, not just from ourselves. Compelling human exchange makes all the difference when it comes to connection. The Benefits of Connection There are other benefits. Shawn Achor, the author of the international bestseller,
The Happiness Advantage, has conducted studies proving that if we can get someone to deepen his or her social connection, it improves every single business and educational outcome we can test for. Achor's studies reveal that companies where employees have strong social connections significantly outperform their competition. Now we know there's a defined science to connection, as well. Scientists can monitor the powerful, positive effect of hormones and natural drugs in our systems when we feel a sense of attachment. What's It to You? So, what is connection for you, as a leader? Is it fate? Or something that's "meant to be?" Is it synchronicity or a moment when the stars are aligned? Is it knowing exactly what to say to a team member because you "get them?" Is it instinctively knowing how to break through resistance to an idea, or lifting the spirits of team members because you understand what really makes them tick? Is it experiencing long periods of flow and creativity, or knowing whom to know and how to meet them? Or, maybe, it is about making connections for others? Is it knowing why you are here and what you want your legacy to be-then living your life accordingly? Is it being a masterful strategist, always able to connect the dots? The Laws of Connection As I worked on this book, several themes emerged. The Laws of Connection are: Connection is the gateway to possibility. Connection is about the journey (process) rather than the destination (outcome). Our ability to connect to others is in direct proportion to our connection with ourselves. Read further to decide how these concepts may resonate for you. Take the Challenge I thrive on challenges. My brain craves novelty, and I love to stretch myself: to grow, transform, learn new things, take risks. I decided to write this book because I believe that by challenging you to explore your own experience around connection, you can reach a breakthrough in your own business and life. By understanding the choices you make around your connections, consciously and unconsciously, you can tap into your own personal sense of power and gain a greater understanding of yourself and your world. Through this process, you can find the key to new possibilities and opportunities you may not have been aware of. The connection you build with your team members can be the gateway to an amazing new idea, venture, or possibility. The difficult conversation that you finally have with a customer, for example, can restore integrity to the relationship, leaving both parties feeling empowered and possibly closer.
The Connection Challenge asks you to dig deep and to tap into new ways of thinking about your current and past behavior. This book offers a methodology for being more self-connected, which will, in turn, positively affect your business and relationships. Connection in Fourteen Chapters The book's challenge means making a commitment to...
