Estate Planning Through Family Meetings

Introduction xi 1. Addressing Diffi cult Topics 1 1. Troublesome Topics That Need to Be Discussed 2 1.1 Mental incapacity 2 1.2 Money and insurance 4 1.3 Wills and dying 5 2. Are You the Right Person to Bring up the Troublesome Topics? 6 2. Why Don't People Plan, and What Can You Do about That? 9 1. Not Knowing Where to Start 10 2. Not Knowing What It Will Cost 11 3. Believing That Estate Planning Is Only for Rich People 12 4. Thinking They Do Not Need to Plan, Based on Anecdotes 13 5. Being Too Busy 15 6. Not Wanting to Give up Control 16 7. Not Knowing How to Hold a Family Meeting 18 8. There Is No Consensus on What to Do 18 9. Privacy Concerns 19 10. Superstition 20 3. What Are the Consequences of Not Planning? 21 1. Lawsuits 22 2. Damaged Family Relationships 23 3. Delays in the Administration of an Estate 23 4. Financial Loss, Fraud, or Financial Mismanagement 25 5. Family Business May Be Damaged or Destroyed 27 6. Paying Too Much Tax 27 7. Likelihood That More Intrusive Help Will Be Needed Later 28 8. More Emotional Upheaval 28 9. Fewer Options as Capacity Diminishes 29 10. Are Some Situations More Urgent Than Others? 30 vi Estate planning through family meetings 4. Talking to Your Parents 33 1. Make the Subject Less Negative 33 2. Be Prepared for a Reaction 35 3. What Not to Say 36 4. Create a Safe Environment 37 5. The More You Talk, the Easier It Gets 38 6. Agree to Try Things 38 7. How to Bring up Incapacity 39 5. What to Say or Do to Get Your Parents Motivated and Moving 41 1. Celebrity Estates 41 2. Messy Estate of Someone You Know 43 3. Life Event Triggers 44 3.1 Sudden illness 44 3.2 Going into long-term care 44 3.3 Funeral of a family member or friend 45 3.4 Getting married (again) later in life 45 3.5 Losing mental faculties 46 3.6 Friend moves in with his or her adult children 46 4. Do Your Own Planning 47 4.1 Blame it on your lawyer 47 5. Travel 47 6. Help with Research 48 7. Reassurance 50 6. Acting without a Parent's Agreement 51 1. In the Parent's Best Interest 52 2. What to Do to Reduce Stress 53 3. Legal Authority 56 7. Why Hold a Family Meeting? 59 1. Ensure That Your Parent's Wishes are Known, Understood, and Respected 60 2. Document the Wishes Properly and Legally 60 3. Ease Anxieties 61 4. Find Tax-Advantageous Solutions 62 5. Preserve and Pass on Family Business or Farm 62 6. Maintain Family Harmony 63 8. How to Say What Needs to Be Said in a Family Meeting 65 1. Prepare Ahead 65 1.1 Make an agenda 66 1.2 Decide who is to lead the meeting 67 Contents vii 1.3 Invite the right people 69 1.4 Make sure everyone is clear on the date, time, and place 71 1.5 Prepare the room 72 2. Don't Wait until a Problem Arises 72 3. Admit Your Own Concerns and Fears 73 4. Don't Bring up Past Confl icts and Sore Spots Needlessly 74 5. Be a Good Listener 76 6. Take Notes 77 7. Agree to Investigate the Options 79 9. What Should Be Covered in a Family Meeting: Discovering 81 the Current Situation 1. Set the Ground Rules for the Meeting 82 2. Understand the Current Situation 83 3. Who Is Already Involved? 84 4. Current Health Concerns 84 10. What Should Be Covered in a Family Meeting: 87 Planning for the Future 1. What Happens when One Parent Dies? 88 2. What Happens when Both Parents Have Died? 88 3. What Happens If One Parent Suffers Incapacity? 89 4. What Other Living Arrangements Might Have to Be Made? 90 5. How Will Long-Term Care Be Funded? 90 6. How Will Retirement Be Funded? 92 7. What Happens If a Child Predeceases a Parent? 92 8. Succession Planning for the Family Business or Farm 93 9. Family Trusts 93 10. Who Will Be the Executor and/or Attorney? 94 11. Which Advisors to Use 94 12. Tax Implications 94 13. Address the Problem Areas 95 14. How Will Reporting or Follow-up Be Done? 95 11. What Happens after the Meeting? 97 1. Review Meeting Notes 97 2. Review Tasks 98 3. Set up Appointments 99 4. Get Documents into Place 100 5. Do Necessary Research or Get Documentation 100 6. Put Some Solutions into Place 101 7. Have a Follow-up Meeting or Report to the Group 101 viii Estate planning through family meetings 12. Possible Financial Solutions That Might Be Discussed 103 at Your Family Meeting 1. Assets in Joint Names 104 2. Bare Trusts 105 3. Wills 106 4. Enduring Power of Attorney 107 5. Inter Vivos Trusts 108 6. Custodial Types of Accounts 108 7. Court-Appointed Trustee 108 8. Written Business Succession Plan 109 9. Selling the Business 110 10. Informal Trusteeship 110 11. Benefi ciary Designation 111 13. Possible Nonfi nancial Solutions That Might Be Discussed 113 at Your Family Meeting 1. Health-Care Directive 114 2. Court-Appointed Guardian 115 3. Downsizing the Home 116 4. Move into Long-Term Care 117 5. Renovations to Your Parent's Home 119 6. Live-in Caregiver 120 7. Arrange for Paid Services 121 8. Move in with Children 122 9. Family Care Contract 124 10. Representation Agreement 126 Conclusion 127 Samples 1. Agenda 68 2. Taking Meeting Notes 79 3. Identify the Right Solutions for Your Family 128 Tables 1. Living Arrangements for Aging Parents 91