The Start of the Journey
My husband and I thought that our lives were good. We both had good jobs and we had a daughter who was beautiful, a real gift from God. We were not wealthy, and we were not poor; we always just had enough, and we were happy.
As it happens, we did have a lot of debts, but we were slowly working through this, and we thought that we had a good relationship with God. We thought our faith was in a good place, and that we understood what it meant.
However, as things in South Africa were changing quickly for the worse, we started to think that we needed to consider leaving our country to ensure that we could give our daughter the best chance in life, and to keep her safe.
What I mean by changing for the worse, is that finding a job and keeping it was getting harder; the cost of living was getting higher; and just walking to the shop or driving down the road was no longer safe. For my husband, our safety was the main worry, as he worked out of the country for long periods.
Now you might ask about safety. Well, our house was in a security complex. This meant that there were high walls around all the properties, with electric fencing around as well. In addition, we had security cameras monitoring the front door and back garden; every door had an additional metal security gate fitted on it; every window was covered with huge metal bars; and every opening window had bars in it too. This was to try and keep us safe from people attempting to break in. It felt like we lived in a prison.
When I was younger, children could play in the streets, you could walk to the shops with no worries, and play outside with your friends, but now things have changed drastically. Nowadays, if the children play outside, you can't leave them alone, as they can be abducted in the blink of an eye. Walking to the shop, you have to continuously keep looking around to see if there are any suspicious people looking at you, or to check that you are not being followed. Not only that, you have to be careful when passing big bushes or shrubs, as you never know if someone is hiding in them, or behind them, waiting for you to pass so that they can attack you from behind.
Yes, I know that not everyone may have felt like this, but this is what it felt like for me.
A few years before, my husband had studied hard and obtained an engineering qualification at an Australian institute. He was now working in the mining industry.
When we considered leaving South Africa, we thought that as he had an Australian qualification, this would open a door for us to be able to go to Australia. However, the visa costs involved and what we had to do just to qualify for an Australia visa seemed out of reach.
However, we thought that we would not let money stop us, so we tried and kept pushing to start the process. It was slow, but we felt like it was the right thing to do. At that time we also thought that Australia was the right country to go to. We thought that this was what God's plan was for us, and we knew we would just have to work hard to make it possible.
WE HAD NO IDEA WHAT LAY AHEAD OF US AT THIS TIME!
The process for the Australian visa was difficult. There were many different requirements that had to be met, and as my husband worked away most of the time, we just seemed to be getting nowhere. We then found out that God had blessed us with a son. My daughter at this time was 5 years old, so our plans to leave the country had to be put on hold as we prepared for a new family member. At the time, we thought that maybe Jesus didn't want us to leave the country then. We thought maybe we still had something that we had to do-or that we had to help someone.
Shortly after knowing that I was pregnant, things started changing in South Africa. They seemed to be getting even worse. The mining industry was starting to slow down and there were problems with investors. Because of this, the mines were putting a hold on all new projects and work was slowing down.
Nine months later we welcomed our wonderful son into the family. At this time, we were still doing okay. However, as work in the mining industry had slowed down completely, my husband's working hours were being restricted and he was earning slightly less (but we were surviving).
My husband started hearing stories about the company he was working for: that it was not doing very well, that they were going to start making changes, and that this would start with making people redundant as part of restructuring the company. We didn't know if it was all true at this stage, as this was one of the biggest mining companies in South Africa and had contracts all over the world.
The project my husband was working on at the time was still going forward and they said that there was plenty of work to go around, that he should not worry, and that not everything that had been said was true.
Then a few months later, the company started making redundancies, projects were being stopped or cancelled, the number of people working on projects was being reduced and working times were being cut further.
Due to all the uncertainty, my husband started looking for other work, talking to people he knew who had their own companies. They all said that if he found himself without a job, they would take him on. We thought that this was good to know, that there were a few options if things did go wrong and my husband lost his job.
Then one day the news came that the project my husband was on was finishing and he would have to return to the office. At the time they said we should not worry, as there were other projects in the pipeline. They wanted to have him involved in design, which my husband was happy about as he always wanted to work in this division.
Things were looking good. He was enjoying the design work and over the months all the feedback he received was great. However, once again the rumours started: that if you were in the office and used to be a person who worked away on projects, you had a target on your back for being on the redundancy list. When this started, my husband again spoke to people who said not to worry because if he needed a job, they would take him on. He also started looking for work again, but not one job he applied for came through-not even an interview.
Things started getting worse quickly in his company. It was becoming really worrying. When my husband's work became office-based, his former salary had been halved. Because of this, general living was getting a lot harder for us, as we'd been so used to the higher salary he'd earned for years before.
My husband told me one day that he knew that he would be called in to see the manager soon for a chat. I asked if he had been told something, to which he said no. But he also said he thought he could see it coming as he'd heard rumours in the office.
Then one day when I was at work only a few weeks later, my husband called me to say that he had been told to attend a meeting with the head of the department later that day. I tried to suggest that it might be about another project, or to discuss the work he was doing in the office, as I felt it was important for us both to keep thinking of positive outcomes, not negative ones. (I was always like that, trying my best not to think of the worst.)
Unfortunately, a few hours later my husband called me again. It had been the meeting we both didn't want. He was being made redundant. I think we'd both known it was coming, but at the same time we'd hoped it wouldn't.
I am aware there will be many people reading this who know how it feels to get this sort of news, but if you have never had this happen, I will try to explain.
When my husband phoned me back after his meeting, I was standing in the car park. On hearing bad news, in that moment you feel nothing. You don't think of anything, you are just stunned. But then realisation comes in a huge wave, bringing worry, sadness, thoughts about money, family, work, bills, heartbreak, so you can't breathe. You feel like you are falling, and everything is collapsing around you in one second. You have all these feelings, and you don't even know how you are going to make it through that moment. You then tell yourself to try not to panic, but this is not as easy as it may sound. Just as you try taking a breath to calm down, all the feelings and thoughts come rushing back again, and you feel sick and overwhelmed with different feelings.
You want to cry as your heart breaks, but at the same time you want to scream, shout, or hit something out of anger. I had to pull myself together as I had to go back and work. I had to put on an act like nothing was wrong, but in the back of my mind all I could think was, what is going to happen now?
The rest of the day was a blur, but on my way home, I knew that no matter what it looked like or how I felt, I had to keep positive for my family. I then remembered that people had told my husband they could help him with work, so we didn't have to be worried; all we had to do was contact them.
My husband started sending out his CV and contacting the people that had offered him work before, but we quickly realised that most of the people were just big talkers and could not actually help my husband with a job.
Slowly, all those feelings and worries were creeping back in, and if someone said something like, 'How are you?' or looked at me, all I wanted to do was cry. But at the same time, I would say to myself, 'You can't fall apart, you can't let people know', so I would bite back the tears and all the feelings that I could feel running through me, and put a smile on, like there were no problems at all.
My son's first birthday was my husband's last day...
