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For My Readers with ADHD

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.

-e.e. cummings

My adult diagnosis of ADHD was one of the biggest bumps I've encountered in my adult life and yet it also became the catalyst for me to write this book.

The ADHD definition I use is "a disorder marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development."1 Medical professionals stress: ADHD has a strong hereditary component; the onset of ADHD symptoms is traced back to childhood; ADHD symptoms occur across multiple settings, including work, home, and one's social world.2

The challenges of recognizing ADHD start with the fact that it can show up with different challenges for someone who has inattentive symptoms (e.g., not listening when spoken to directly) and someone who has hyperactive symptoms (e.g., be constantly in motion or on the go). And some folks display symptoms of both.

In my coaching practice, I use these three buckets to categorize adult ADHD symptoms.

Those of us with ADHD need more scaffolding to focus, prioritize, and regulate our emotions. This scaffolding can include anything from a simple wall calendar, an app for accountability, to the frameworks in this book. Frameworks have helped me organize my thoughts, develop strategies for managing my communications and emotions, and process workplace and homelife challenges.

The key message I want you to walk away with is this: attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a diagnosis of one type of neurodiversity. ADHD isn't good or bad, it just is. It is a manifestation of your neurological wiring. It is an aspect of who you are that makes you unique. ADHD can deliver benefits and challenges, similar to other defining characteristics such as deficient color vision, or Asperger syndrome, now part of the larger developmental disorder category of autism spectrum disorder (ASD).3 What matters is how you think about it, and the self-narrative you tell yourself and communicate to the rest of the world.

Think of the frameworks in this book as scaffolding options available to you. You, the reader with ADHD, decide what resonates, what is valuable, and what you want to try out. And what resonates for a neuro-typical person may be different from what resonates for someone with ADHD. For instance, a neuro-typical person may read this chapter once and absorb everything, while someone with ADHD may need to read it several times to achieve the same level of comprehension. That is the value of this book: it is flexible and if you are curious, you can learn strategies and tactics to enhance your personal and professional development journey, whether or not you have ADHD.

Recognition, Acceptance, Education, and Integration

As a coach, I emphasize the following four concepts to anyone on the journey to make sense of their ADHD diagnosis. And these concepts aren't linear: they intersect organically backward and forward.

• How do I recognize my ADHD symptoms?
• How do I accept my ADHD?
• How do I continue to educate myself about ADHD to better understand myself?
• How do I continue to integrate ADHD into my life every day?

These powerful concepts become a framework for living successfully with ADHD.

Recognition

As a first step, you have to recognize that you have symptoms of ADHD, whether you have an official diagnosis or not. These symptoms might include difficulties prioritizing your to-do list, trouble focusing on the task at hand, and feeling like your emotions have a mind of their own.4 I'm not telling you whether or not to seek an official diagnosis, though a certain sense of relief may come with receiving one. But once ADHD is recognized, many people find that behaviors from the past suddenly make more sense.

Okay, that's why I would walk from my bedroom to the laundry room and do five tasks en route but forget what I went to do in the first place.

Ah-ha, that explains why I blurt things out and don't let people finish their sentences. I get excited and can't seem to stop myself from jumping in. .

You are the only one who can determine if getting a diagnosis from a medical or clinical professional is needed for you to recognize your neurodiversity. You can also take an online assessment as a first step in this journey.5

Acceptance

You may need some time to accept your ADHD diagnosis and make peace with it. Some of my clients are anxious they'll use their diagnosis as an excuse or scapegoat for certain challenging behaviors. For instance, one client was worried she'd start to blame her ADHD for being late and that felt like a cop-out to her. I asked her: "If you were diagnosed with hearing loss, and needed to wear a hearing aid, would you see that as 'making excuses'?" Hopefully, you'll see ADHD as a form of neurodiversity that requires scaffolding to reduce the disruptive impacts on your life and to emphasize its positive elements too.

In the case of my client worried about using ADHD as an excuse for frequently being late, we unpacked that together. We discussed the actions she could take now that she had this awareness. She bought old-fashioned, loud alarm clocks for different rooms of her house and her desk. She also built buffers into her calendar around meetings. Acceptance of how her ADHD manifested helped her develop the right tactics to address it.

Part of accepting your ADHD is also getting comfortable with the idea that you will need support. Ideally, your family and friends are supportive. And connecting with an association like TotallyADD or Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) may provide valuable connections to others who are learning how to manage their ADHD diagnoses. Many companies have affinity groups to support neurodiverse staff in the workplace. Taking advantage of support groups is a powerful way to build your acceptance of your ADHD.

You have ADHD. There is nothing to be ashamed about. You are neurodiverse. Congratulations! I hope you realize there is much to celebrate about this diagnosis, such as the ability to juggle many issues at once, the ability to generate a lot of energy that inspires others, and the ability to tap into creative superpowers.

It's hard to argue with the success of folks such as Olympic gold medalists Michael Phelps and Simone Biles, entrepreneur Richard Branson (who also has dyslexia), and celebrities like Justin Timberlake and Emma Watson: they all famously celebrate their ADHD as a superpower. And let's not forget historical notables such as Mozart, Einstein, da Vinci, Alexander Graham Bell, and Eleanor Roosevelt who all supposedly had ADHD.6

I am loud and proud of my neurodiversity. And I hope you will be too. Every day, I strive to improve my performance and my way of interacting with others. We are all works in progress and self-acceptance is a critical step.

Recognition and Acceptance - My Story Sometimes a child receives an ADHD diagnosis, as my son did, and the parent thinks "Hey, that sounds like me!" That was my situation exactly.

I saw myself so clearly, really for the first time, when I started probing how my son's diagnosis mirrored my own behaviors and frustrations. I remembered feeling as a child that too much was going on in my head. I couldn't organize my thoughts and felt out of control. Growing up, teachers had always commented on my outbursts in the classroom.

I found workarounds to these tendencies as I grew older, but I always thought it was my fault and simply a question of self-control. My internal narrative was "It's my problem and I have to fix it with more self-discipline."

• I was infamous at work for interrupting others during meetings. I didn't know how to control my enthusiasm and also was afraid I'd miss my chance to share my comment if I didn't jump in as soon as the thought entered my head.
• Numerous people reporting to me over the years shared their frustrations with how I delegated. I often moved too fast and didn't fully brief them on the context and expectations of a project. That translated into them not feeling set up for success.

After receiving my adult ADHD diagnosis, I found it challenging at first to apply the label to myself. "Do I feel comfortable referring to myself as neurodiverse?" But much more important was the profound relief...