Chapter 1

Modern Dating: Has Romance Turned into Horror?

IN THIS CHAPTER

Feeling your way through the modern dating landscape

Knowing which rules and advice to follow and which ones to avoid

Figuring out how to date in the modern age and actually enjoy it

From ancient times, finding love has never been a straight path - more like a chaotic obstacle course with questionable detours. People went to war for love, wrote tragic poetry, and we got stuck with Romeo and Juliet as the ultimate romantic standard (even though, let's be real, they knew each other for three days and it ended in a double suicide). Fast forward, and here we are - post-pandemic, chronically online, and swiping like our thumbs are training for a marathon.

At this point, many of us have a stronger relationship with dating apps than with the people on them. Ghosting is a national pastime, "talking stages" last longer than some marriages, and somehow, despite having more ways to connect than ever, we're in a loneliness epidemic. What happened to the clarity of old-school dating? Courtship, love, marriage - it used to be a simple formula. Now, we're out here navigating rosters, what are we talks, and situationships so vague they could be the subject of a philosophy class.

But here's the deal: The old rules no longer apply, so it's up to us to create new ones that actually work. It's time to stop clinging to outdated timelines, stop trying to fit love into a perfect mold, and start figuring out what we actually want. Whether it's redefining commitment, dating for fun, or just trying to survive yet another Hinge voice memo introduction, let's dive into the madness that is modern love - chaos included.

Navigating the Modern Dating Mess

If you've ever felt like dating today is a social experiment designed to test your patience, your self-worth, and your ability to decode mixed signals - congratulations, you are not alone. Dating used to be about finding someone you connected with. Now, it's about not getting played. Red flags? We spot them from a mile away but sometimes still ignore them because they have great hair. Some common modern dating traps include

• Breadcrumbing: Someone texts you just enough to keep you interested but never actually makes plans. (You're not a pigeon - stop accepting crumbs.)
• Ghosting: They disappear with no explanation. (Honestly, the only ghosts we should be dealing with are in horror movies. See Chapter 16 for more on ghosting and goodbyes.)
• Situationships: The relationship that's not a relationship, but it feels like one, except there's no commitment. (If you have to ask, "What are we?" more than once, you already know the answer.)
• Rosters: Having multiple people in rotation but committing to none. (Having options is great, but at some point, you have to pick a main character. Chapter 15 gives you the lowdown on rosters.)

The key to surviving? Recognize the games early, set your standards, and don't waste time on people who bring more confusion than connection. The following sections break down the absolute chaos that is the modern dating scene and explain how we can make it work without completely losing your sanity.

Situationships versus relationships: Is anyone even committing anymore?

Situationships are basically the modern version of purgatory. You like each other, you spend time together, you might even meet their dog - but there's zero commitment. It's fun until you realize you've been in one for two years and you're still "just seeing where things go."

The difference between a relationship and a situationship? Consistency, clarity, and actual plans for the future. If you're stuck in something vague and they "don't like labels," ask yourself: Are you okay with that, or are you just afraid to leave because you don't want to start over?

"What are we?" has now become "Will we ever?"

Gone are the days when defining a relationship was a normal milestone. Now, we're out here trying to make "exclusivity" happen like it's some rare unicorn. The longer you avoid "The Talk," the messier it gets. If you're confused about where you stand with someone, ask yourself:

• Are they making future plans with me, or am I just a placeholder?
• Do they match my effort, or am I doing all the work?
• Am I actually happy with this arrangement, or am I just afraid of scaring them off?

You deserve clarity, and the right person won't leave you hanging in uncertainty.

Rosters: Unlimited options end up limiting connection?

Having a "roster" is the modern version of keeping your options open. But at what point do options turn into distractions? Dating multiple people at once can be fun, but if you're constantly cycling through people without forming real bonds, you might just be using dating as entertainment rather than actually looking for a connection.

Signs it's time to trim the roster:

• You don't actually like any of them that much, but you keep them around for validation.
• You forget who you told what story to.
• You're exhausted trying to keep up with multiple conversations.

If your roster feels more like a chore than a love life, it's time to narrow it down and focus on quality over quantity.

Casual sex and casual feelings?

Casual sex can be amazing. It can also feel like an emotional roller coaster designed by someone who really enjoys watching people suffer. One minute you're both on the same page - "just fun, no feelings" - and the next, one of you is staring at your phone, trying to decode why they left your last message on read for exactly 8 hours and 14 minutes.

The truth? Sex is not casual if you're catching feelings but pretending not to. If you know you can separate emotions from intimacy, great! But if you're secretly hoping that one more hookup will change their mind and make them see you as "relationship material," please save yourself the heartbreak. You deserve someone who wants to be with you because they actually like you - not because they occasionally want company at 1 a.m. (Chapter 18 covers all you need to know about sex and modern dating.)

Catfishing: The dangers of deception

Dating apps should come with a disclaimer: "Warning: Some people here are not who they claim to be." You match with someone who looks like a Greek god in their photos, and then - boom! - you meet up, and they suddenly look like the "before" picture in a skincare commercial.

And it's not just about looks. Some people catfish with personality. You think you're talking to someone fun and interesting, but then you meet them in person, and they have the charisma of a tax return. If their energy over text is giving "romantic comedy lead" but in real life they're drier than an unsalted cracker, you've just been personality catfished.

Lesson here? Video calls before the first date can save you from unexpected jump scares. Also, if they only have one blurry group photo and won't send a selfie? Run.

Post-pandemic dating anxiety

Remember when we all collectively forgot how to socialize for two years? Yeah, dating post-pandemic still feels like that. Half of us reentered the dating world with the energy of a puppy finally let outside, while the other half still flinch when someone reaches for a handshake.

Common symptoms of post-pandemic dating anxiety include

• Overthinking every interaction because you forgot how to flirt in person
• Wondering if the bar is too crowded and if it's socially acceptable to wear a hazmat suit on a date
• Forgetting how to make eye contact and choosing instead to stare intently at their forehead

The good news? Everyone else is feeling just as weird. Dating is awkward. You'll get through it. Worst case? Blame any social awkwardness on the pandemic and order another drink.

Heartless romantics: Dating for entertainment instead of love

Some people treat dating like it's a reality show - except instead of competing for love, they're just collecting players and seeing who keeps their attention the longest. You know the type:

• They flirt like a pro but have no actual interest in commitment.
• They treat dates like entertainment, not emotional connection.
• They don't want love - they want an audience.

If you've ever felt like you were on an episode of The Bachelor but with none of the roses, you've probably been played by a heartless romantic. The key to avoiding these people? Look at their actions, not just their words. If someone is stringing you along for fun, they're not your person. Move on before you become just another episode in their highlight reel.

Profile reviews, TikTok Storytimes, and endless swiping: The commodification of love

Dating...