Chapter 1
Just a Girl

This song is super powerful, and it makes me feel empowered, it made me feel like I wasn't just a silly little girl.

Before we get to the age where I was rocking out to No Doubt, I'll tell you a bit about my childhood, which, in all honesty, was great. I grew up in a quiet village called Over Wallop. It's in the middle of nowhere, and it didn't have much in the way of amenities - a little shop with a post office, a phone box and a cricket field.

Village life was far from riveting. There were no bright lights or big cities in my childhood.

My parents were loving and my sister Rebecca and I never went without, although I think at times they did struggle for money. My mum worked in IT and my dad was self-employed, and they both worked really hard.

My dad owned his own business and worked as a rubber merchant at a rubber factory where they made products like matting, hoses and gaskets. Unfortunately, kids hear rubber and think 'condoms', so I often got teased about it. Our surname, Comrie, didn't help either - apparently it sounds like condom, so I was given the nickname 'Maddy Condom' around the age of nine, which is pretty scarring for a child, even though at that age I had no real idea of what a condom was!

I know that compared to so many people we were really privileged. We lived in a bungalow on a little hill next door to a farm. We had a huge garden with loads of space to run around.

My parents each had their own cars because they worked in different locations and, as I'm sure you can imagine, a village as small as ours didn't have a particularly regular bus service.

That's a broad picture of what my really early life looked like, but what was I like?

WHO AM I?

I wasn't a particularly hyper kid, not a problem child. I did have loads of energy and I bounced from one activity to another. I think by the time I was about eight years old, I had tried every hobby and musical instrument that my parents could afford to let me try.

Flute, recorder, violin, bass guitar, piano, clarinet - you name it, I'd probably had some lessons and then moved on before making much progress. But my hobbies weren't restricted to music. I also tried trampolining, judo, gymnastics, pottery and horse riding. None of them stuck. I just changed my mind all the time.

My parents were amazing and were very understanding about my many hobbies. They worked hard to provide for me and my sister, they were present, they were loving and they supported us in every way possible. The thing is, like many parents of children in the 1980s and 1990s, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) wasn't on their radar, and it certainly wasn't a condition that people expected girls to have.

I doubt it ever occurred to my parents that I might have ADHD or any other condition that I talk about in this book. If you're reading this and you're a similar age to me, it's highly likely that your parents were in the same situation. There just wasn't the research or information available to educate us even 20 years ago that we have access to now. ADHD was just for naughty little boys.

It also has nothing to do with how you are parented or how much screen time you give your kids, I barely watched TV as a kid.

When I was growing up, ADHD and autism were just not common especially in girls. It wasn't my parent's fault in any way that I wasn't diagnosed with these conditions when I was younger. That's also true of your parents. After all, how were they supposed to know when I didn't know myself? The doctors didn't even know. Society didn't know.

Enable, Don't Label

If you suspect your child is neurodivergent, I'd advise you to get a diagnosis earlier rather than later. This isn't about labelling your child as one thing or another, but about helping them learn about themselves and how their brains work earlier in life and providing tools that can support them. In doing so, you're enabling them to succeed and navigate the world.

The key to any conversation about neurodivergent conditions, especially with children, is to help them understand that neurodiversity isn't wrong; it's just a difference. The way I like to think of it is that there are lots of different brains they just approach the world in a different way.

What it really comes down to is that the sooner a child can get a diagnosis, the sooner you as a parent can help them understand their brain and find their own 'normal'. According to ADHD Aware, it's thought that 15% of people in the UK are neurodivergent.1

Based on the size of the UK population as I write this, that's over 10 million of us. Imagine the whole population of London, plus about another half a million people. That is a lot of people! So, although it might feel challenging and lonely at times, you are certainly not alone if you are neurodivergent.

If you suspect your child has ADHD, don't panic! This doesn't mean that they're damaged and there are many successful people in this world with ADHD - like Richard Branson and Simone Biles. Your child has incredible potential. There are more tips on what to do if your child has ADHD later in the book.

One of the reasons I think it's best to get an ADHD diagnosis as early as possible for your child is because this will allow you to help them in all areas of their lives, not just at school.

Most of us don't get any formal 'money education', ADHD or not. When you have ADHD, this doesn't help, as it can mean that you have a tendency to approach your finances differently.

When I was growing up, my parents didn't really talk openly about money, but I still wanted to know everything about it. I played with money from an early age. I had a post office set, a bank, an office and even a National Lottery (which was actually just a bingo machine). It was fun pretending I had won the lottery.

Shameless Plug

Look at money books for kids that are available. I've written one called That's My Money, which is illustrated by the fabulous Chris Dixon.

The real-life money I was given was always spent on toys, books or games. Whatever my latest hyperfocus was, my money was heading its way.

My sister Bex and I were given £2 a week pocket money. My parents told me about saving, but I was always more interested in spending it. My parents taught me how you earn, spend and save money. However, I found numbers and counting really difficult. I think what they taught me just went in one ear and out the other.

I think I learned better through play, so I recommend any parents who want to teach their kids about money use play to do so. You can pick up pretend money in bargain basement stores, or even give them an old card of yours, so you can show them how cash and cards work.

I also recommend money games like Monopoly - the house prices might be massively off, but it's a great way to teach kids some basic money rules.

My best friend when I was at primary school was a girl named Alex. She became my hyperfocus - I wanted everything she had. So, we both had Cabbage Patch dolls (remember them?!). I wasn't sure they were my thing, but Alex liked them, so I did too. I even started dressing like her.

If Alex got something, I immediately wanted it, but I wasn't always allowed. My parents didn't earn that much, and while we always had enough money for food and essentials, when it came to toys, I couldn't just ask and expect to be given what I wanted.

That meant I waited eagerly for birthdays and Christmas. Several of my aunts and uncles would send me money in a card - the best present. This was where my obsession with buying things came from. To me, money bought me the things I wanted and therefore money equalled happiness. Even though my parents tried to encourage me to save, I would always spend whatever money I had.

NAVIGATING SCHOOL

My grandparents paid for me to go to private school until I was seven years old, but I changed schools a lot when I was younger. The first school, Marsh Court, was where I got my phobia of peas from. They're horrible things!

They pop when you get through the shell, and they make me feel violently ill. I hate everything about peas: the taste, the smell, the texture, even the way they look. So, I used to stuff them into my cheek like a deranged hamster and spit them out in the toilet. We weren't allowed to leave the table to go and play until we had finished everything on our plates.

I found that being forced to eat something I couldn't handle from a sensory perspective was incredibly traumatic. But I had to face peas at every meal at school for a year. In case you're wondering, I still hate peas, they are green devils disguised as vegetables!

Neurodivergent Conditions and Food

People with neurodivergent conditions, but particularly children, are more sensitive to the textures of food and to other sensory inputs associated with eating. We are also more likely to experience sensory sensitivity or sensory overload, which means that we get overwhelmed by sensory...