Introduction 000
1. Crushes 000
Joy
Crushes
It's Not About You
Boy Crazy
One-Track Mind
Interesting Topics to Think and Talk About That Are Not Some Dude You Hung Out with Two and a Half Times but Never Kissed
Blurry-Faced Crushes
Sure, Okay
Man Management
Categories for My Crush-Tracking App
2. Flirting 000
Signals
Text Interpretation
Using My Four-Year College English Degree to Close-Read Texts from Men
I Know It When I See It
Men I Thought Were Flirting with Me, and Why
Digital Flirting
Good Flirts That Work
Bad Flirts That Do Not Work
Stealing
Touching
Missed Connections
3. Dating 000
Defining The Date
Ways to Make It Clear It's a Date
Apps
Good Analog Places to Meet Men
Date the Person You Want to Be in the World
Performative Chillness
Ways to Kill Time While You're Waiting to Answer a Text
Being Chill
The Rules Versus My Rules If I Wrote a Dating How-To Book
Talking To
Schrödinger's Relationship
This ISN'T a Date!
4. Psychic Wounds 000
Men Weaponizing the Bechdel Test
Scale of One to Ten
A Better Ranking Scale, for Men I Am Into
PDA
Acceptable and Nonacceptable PDA Locations
Will They or Won't They
The Best Rom-Coms of All Time and How They Ruined Me
Being Mean
Hello, Its Mr. Nasty: Definitive Proof That Tom Hanks Is The Villain Of You've Got Mail
Romantic Friendship
Blah Blah Blah "My Girlfriend"
Professionally Insecure Woke Boys
Types of Men Who Are Bad
Types of Men Who Are Great
5. Getting Serious 000
"Defining" the "Relationship"
Long-Distance
Living Together
Negotiables
Marriage Is Bad and I Am for Sure Going to End Up Married to the First Person Who Asks Me
6. Breaking Up 000
Love Is Fake
Rejection Is Good
Ways to Break Up with Someone You Aren't Dating
Breakup Clichés
Lines I Would Prefer Men Use When Rejecting Me
Ghosting
Internet Stalking
What I Am Hoping Comes Up When I Internet Stalk People
Pop Culture Anniversaries
Getting Back Together
Love Amnesia
Oh, Haha, We Used to Kiss
How to Get the Perfect Revenge Body
7. Being Single 000
Full Tree
Prose Before Bros
Comfort
When You Least Expect It
8. Making Art 000
Making Art About Your Relationships
Subtweets
Subtweets, Arranged by Who They Are About
People Making Art About You
The Pay Is Certain
Conclusion 000
Acknowledgments 000
