Chapter 1

Two Forms of Human Motivation

Gain and Prevent Pain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

—Mark Twain

What decisions or pursuits produce significant results in our lives—and are we giving them enough time and attention? Which of the many things that we do each day actually move us forward, and which just keep us running in place?

According to popular psychology, we all have the same reasons for doing the hundreds of tasks that we do each day. Many psychology studies have agreed that we can divide all sources of human motivation into two categories: to move toward Gain, or Prevent Pain. Every time you've felt compelled to do anything —from making a phone call, to getting up off the couch, to spending money, to going to work, to traveling, you were either motivated to move toward something you want (Gain), or prevent the loss of something you have (Prevent Pain).

We can illustrate this concept in almost any part of your life: health, finances, eating, career/work, even family and hobbies. Let's look at your health first. Do you exercise regularly, take vitamins or medications, or see doctors for checkups or when you feel ill? Every time you're motivated to do something about your health, it has either been to Gain in that category (get healthier than you are now, lose weight, lower cholesterol levels, tone muscles, heal injuries) or to Prevent Pain (prevent illness, weight gain, disease, muscle deterioration, and so forth). Sometimes you can have both motivations for doing something; for instance, you might exercise to lose weight and to prevent heart disease.

How about your finances? Everyone has been motivated by money at some point in his or her life. Are you trying to Gain in this category by getting a promotion and a raise, making a profitable investment, or increasing your savings? Or are you trying to Prevent Pain—that is, keep from losing the money you have—by buying insurance, clipping coupons, applying for a scholarship or grant, refinancing your mortgage, or finding a cheaper place to live?

Then, of course, there's food and eating. Sometimes you want to Gain a fine dining experience or try a new type of cuisine. Sometimes you are far too hungry or busy for that and just need to eat something to prevent hunger pains or headaches and be done with it so you can get back to work.

The Gain versus Pain question applies in business as well. Ask yourself: Is the purpose of your weekly meeting to identify new target clients or figure out how to improve the process of taking new orders? Or do you use it to go over meeting protocols and talk about employee lateness or inventory status? Is it a Gain meeting that will move your business forward, or is it a Prevent Pain meeting that will simply keep you from falling behind?

Consider any motivation you've recently had about your career. Has it been focused on Gain tasks that would benefit your career in the long term, such as pursuing an advanced degree, earning a professional certification, or closing a landmark deal that could put you in the running for a promotion? Or are you thinking more about how to avoid the next round of layoffs that may be coming or what needs to be done to meet expectations on your next performance appraisal?

Either Gain or Prevent Pain pushes you toward completing every decision and activity you pursue. And although it could be a combination of both, one is always in the majority. You have 51 percent or more of one of these motivations driving you to do that specific task. The most important difference between the two is the results they produce.

You might immediately wonder why. When you are thinking about Gain and you are being motivated by Gain, you are focusing on something you want. You are figuring out how to produce a result that you desire in your life. You are not thinking about losing something or maintaining the status quo. You are working to move your life forward from where it is now, making it better than what it is today, considering how you desire your life to be—and that's exciting! Gain gives you focus, a direction to head toward.

These aren't the thoughts that cross our mind as we do our everyday Prevent Pain tasks such as paying bills and doing laundry. Clean laundry isn't something we desire out of life. When we do laundry we are preventing the pain of having no clean clothes to wear. Similarly, paying bills prevents the pain of having our electricity turned off or having to pay late fees to the credit card company. But focusing on a Gain is different. It pushes us to move toward something we want, something that will make our lives better. And those results are much more significant to our lives than the results that Prevent Pain tasks produce.

Take a minute to think of something you'd love to do or achieve in life that you haven't already done. There is no right or wrong answer; this is uniquely you. Have you always dreamed of getting an MBA or PhD, finishing a marathon, learning a new language, writing a book, opening a business, starting a foundation, or restoring a vintage car? What about learning a new sport, traveling to foreign countries, or researching your family tree? How about buying your first house, owning an income property, or running for political office? Think of one thing that stands out among all the others. What would you most love to do in life that you haven't already done?

Now, would you say that this goal or accomplishment is about moving toward something you want or preventing the loss of something you have? For most people, it's about Gain. Few people, when asked to identify something they would love to do in life, talk about paying their electric bill or filing an expense report. When we think about things we want to accomplish in life, we are thinking about Gain. Consider what your life would be like if you accomplished that Gain task. Would it bring you pride, a sense of accomplishment, and happy memories? Would your life be better than it is today?

That's what Gain is about: improving life and moving forward. It's about the experiences and accomplishments that you want to have as a part of your life.

Prevent Pain: I Have to Do It!

Prevent Pain tasks simply prompt us to do what we have to do. There's that old saying that the only certainties in life are death and taxes. However, I'm sure that if I asked you what you have to do today (or any day) in order to keep up, you would have a much longer list.

Everyone has responsibilities; some more than others based on our age, job, family, and so forth. There are many “have to” responsibilities that simply come with earning a paycheck; after all, your employer is paying you to take care of certain tasks. If you are in school, you have to study and take advantage of the opportunity to learn and prepare for your future. Things such as home ownership, car ownership, and even pet ownership come with big responsibilities. Parenting is in a category by itself when it comes to taking on responsibilities and all the “have to” tasks that come with it. Some responsibilities, such as dealing with illness or injury, may have come to you without your consent; some you may have willingly signed up for; others may have come as an indirect result of your decisions.

No matter how many “have to” tasks are on your plate, you can always fill your day with them. There's always something to repair, maintain, clean, feed, keep up with, pay for, or care for. The reason that Prevent Pain tasks go on and on is that they never actually go away; they just eventually repeat. For example, you don't really cross doing dishes off your to-do list; you just move it to the bottom because by the next night, you will have to wash them again. The same is true with checking e-mail or stocking inventory. You don't cross it off; you move it down the list, because it's coming back again at some point. Tasks such as putting gas in your car, doing laundry, and going grocery shopping all have to be done over and over again because the things necessary to maintain your life are never finished. By always focusing on getting them done and preventing pain, you don't end up with Gain; you end up with no pain and unfortunately no progress.

Prevent Pain tasks come with varying degrees of urgency. You have to complete some, such as a certain assignment for work, according to deadlines. Others, such as housecleaning, have a bit more flexibility in terms of timeline; it's your responsibility to get them done sometime or deal with the consequences of failing to complete them. There is one thing that all “have to” tasks have in common, which is our definition of a have to: a “have to” (or Prevent Pain task) is any task or activity that, if neglected, someone else will eventually bring to your attention.

For instance, let's say someone is waiting for you to complete a task. If you don't do it, the person waiting will eventually catch you at the elevator, call you on the...