Introduction

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.

-Gail Sheehy

We all have a fundamental yearning for long-lasting well-being. No matter what we do, we usually do it with the belief that it will either relieve us of unhappiness or increase our happiness. But happiness is more than the mere absence of unhappiness. As you have opened this book, the chances are that this is already clear to you.

When we feel a moment of joy, how long does it last? We may ask ourselves, "Now I have a job and a partner who I love, why do I feel more frustrated than when I didn't?" We may reflect, "I have everything to be happy about and yet I feel so stressed and my sleep is so restless," or, "I have many friends who care for me but I can't really be honest about what's going on with anyone; I feel very alone." The problems increase when we can't make sense of our life or when we don't have a clear sense of purpose. This is even more so after losing someone we love or having to let go of a valued lifestyle.

Even happiness leads to suffering when it is based on particular conditions. This is not a paradox. It is simply because the conditions that allow us to be happy at a given time will change, sooner or later. They are simply impermanent. Accordingly, what we generally define as "feeling happy" is also impermanent. So, is there such a thing as real happiness? One that lasts, that we can rely on, that we are certain will be here tomorrow? Unless we outgrow the thinking, feeling and behavior patterns that contribute to our dissatisfaction, the momentary joy that we experience hardly makes up for the stresses of daily life.

Our desire to grow mentally and emotionally increases once our physical growth is complete. Whether this is out of inspiration or desperation, the process and need for growth never ends. It is part of our life, part of evolution. This applies to consciousness and wisdom. Committing to grow is the will to benefit both others and ourselves. As such, it is an act of generosity and kindness. Have you ever thought, "I want to be a better person"? In saying so, most people mean, "I want to grow," or, "I want to be wiser and enjoy life more." If this applies to you, then you are one of the people for whom I wrote this book, in an attempt to share the best of my knowledge, practice and experience so that you might fulfill this wish and benefit others by the same token.

This book, along with the accompanying audio instructions for your training, contains all you will need to develop invaluable mental, emotional and behavioral skills - skills that we don't inherit or learn through reading or observing others, no matter how blessed we may have been with kind and mindful parents and grandparents. The step-by-step experiential approach will expand your understanding of your experiences and those of others. It will enable you to witness rapid change, day after day, within a few weeks. Across countries and cultures, people of all ages (from about age 7), even those with severe and often chronic mental health problems, report remarkable benefits in a relatively short period of time.

You may have heard from the media, a family member, a friend or even a therapist, that the practice of mindfulness has the potential to assist in feeling peaceful and being more present in our experiences. Accordingly, it is increasingly included in well-being and personal growth programs. You may also have done some practice yourself. To be mindful is to be attuned to the events that are taking place in the present moment in a way that is the least judgmental and the most objective as possible. With mindfulness, we become attuned in such a way that we can perceive our experiences, understand them and respond to them without needing to react in order to change them. This includes experiences that are taking place within the mind and body. Reliable research is now showing evidence that people can learn mindfulness skills and benefit from them through self-help programs, [1] such as the one described in this book.

Mindfulness training has found its place at the very core of therapeutic programs [2, 3] and is currently one of the most discussed approaches for general well-being and personal growth for the general public [4]. Courses are offered in schools to improve students' attentiveness and well-being, [5] to help health professionals cope better with work stress [6] and improve their therapeutic efficacy, [7] and to improve staff's quality of life in companies such as Google [8] and in the US military [9].

This book will guide you through a set of evidence-based methods grouped in a unique approach called Mindfulness-integrated Cognitive Behavior Therapy (or MiCBT), for the purpose of increasing your well-being and contributing to your personal growth. MiCBT (pronounced M-I-C-B-T) is a sophisticated integration of mindfulness training, in the Burmese Vipassana tradition, [10] with well-established and novel techniques used in Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT).

MiCBT is a four-stage approach that has its origins in my own practice and transformative experience of mindfulness meditation, in the Burmese Vipassana tradition, in March 1989. The subsequent 11 years of study and theoretical conceptualization led me to integrate mindfulness and CBT - two important Eastern and Western psychological systems for reducing suffering. The trials of this approach in clinical settings started in 2001, initially with groups of people who had problems managing anger or anxiety. It took another three years of testing and refining the four stages before every skill taught in the program was rendered universally understandable, testable and applicable for a wide range of people and difficulties.

The efficacy of MiCBT has also been informed by 13 years of modification based on peoples' feedback, supervision of psychology interns and experienced therapists, as well as empirical studies [11]. The program has been used successfully in both clinical and nonclinical settings since 2001. Over the years, it has become clear that one of the reasons for the success of this program is its ability to help people grow. In therapeutic settings, they outgrow the fundamental causes of their long-lived problems and move on to a more fulfilling life.

In this program, you will learn to practice mindfulness meditation, as taught for the past 2,500?years, and use Western psychological skills to change unhelpful habits of mind and emotional reactivity. You will be able to investigate and understand the deeper reality underlying your experiences in order to create or enhance your inner calm, self-confidence and the quality of your relationships. This will take between eight and twelve weeks, depending on what suits you best.

Stage 1 will teach you mindfulness skills, to notice and let go of unhelpful thoughts and emotions in order to address life's challenges successfully. You will learn deep insight and equanimity, and realize that you don't have to be prey to every thought that enters your mind and every emotion that you feel. During Stage 2, you will make use of these self-regulation skills in daily situations that you might be avoiding to prevent discomfort. In Stage 3, you will learn to develop better interpersonal understanding and communication skills in the face of tense situations, and learn to not react to others' reactivity. With Stage 4, you will learn to increase your capacity to be kind to yourself and compassionate to others in your daily actions, leading to a deep sense of care and connectedness with people.

This book is written primarily to improve your emotional well-being and sense of contentment, whether you suffer from psychological and emotional difficulties or not. However, a note of caution is important at this stage. If you are experiencing severe psychological symptoms, I urge you to seek professional help and follow your therapist's advice. No matter how useful a book and audio instructions may be, they don't match the knowledgeable input and training of a skilled therapist. On the other hand, your therapist may agree to assist you in your use of the MiCBT program described in this book. In this case, she or he may benefit from reading my previous book [10] which was principally written for psychologists and other mental health professionals intending to implement MiCBT with their clients.

How to use this book

This book is intended to serve two purposes. As a self-help book for well-being and personal growth, it is a realistic and practical guide for you to develop the skills on your own. You will feel as if a guide is accompanying you, week after week, until the program ends. The second purpose is the book's use as a helpful assistant if you are undertaking MiCBT with a therapist to resolve psychological conditions. It will help clarify concepts and tasks, and provide a wider understanding of the skills that you will learn than a therapist is usually able to provide within the time constraints of therapy sessions. If you have had long-term mental health issues, I encourage you to work initially with a therapist. You will then have the book as ongoing supporting material.

Whatever your need and purpose may be, you can use this book in several ways, but here is the way it is intended to be used....