The Power of Nice

Foreword to the Revised Edition by Ambassador Charlene Barshefsky xi Foreword to the First Edition by Cal Ripken, Jr. xiv Acknowledgments xvi Introduction: Why Change What Works? 2 1 Negotiation 5 "I'll Burn That Bridge When I Come to It" 5 Your First Deal 7 What Negotiation Isn't 11 Filling the Negotiator's Toolbox 18 What Negotiation Is 19 What Negotiation Can Be 23 Refresher 26 2 I Win-You Lose Negotiation--An Exercise in Flawed Logic 29 Enemies and Entrenched Positions 29 Hit and Run 32 I'm Not One of Them, Am I? 35 At Least One Dissatisfied Party 43 Refresher 45 3 WIN-win Negotiation 47 Myth and Reality 47 Achieving WIN-win 49 Good Deals Echo, They Lead to More Deals 51 WIN-win Is Not Wimp-Wimp 52 Roadblocks, Minefields, and Wisdom 55 Putting It Together 57 Refresher 64 4 The Three Ps--A Systematic Approach 67 Prepare, Probe, and Propose 70 Refresher 79 5 Prepare...or Else 81 Preparation: The Aerobics of Negotiation 81 How Prepared Are You for Your Negotiations? 82 The Numbers and Letters Game 83 The Numbers and Letters Game Continued... 84 How to Prepare (and How Not To) 87 The Preparation Checklist 89 A Case Study: The Sur-Real Sales Challenge 97 Confidence Is the Secret Weapon (But the Real Secret Is That Preparation Is the Key to Confidence) 104 Sources of Information 105 Refresher 110 6 Probe, Probe, Probe 113 The Other Side Is Trying to Tell You How to Make the Deal 113 W.H.A.T.? The Probing Technique 120 The Don'ts--How Not to Probe 126 Listening 128 The Zoologist 133 Learning to Listen 135 Refresher 138 7 Propose-But Not Too Fast--Getting the Other Side to Go First 141 Role Playing 141 Proposing for Real 146 The Three Rules Behind Propose 149 Making Counterproposals 153 Refresher 158 8 Difficult Negotiators 161 ...And the Award for Most Difficult Negotiator Goes to ... 162 Dealing with the Difficult Negotiator (without Becoming One) 166 Emotional Tactics--Nonemotional Responses 170 Challenging Personalities 173 Refresher 177 9 Negotiating from Weakness 179 Perceived Weakness versus Real Weakness 179 Expand the Goals 181 Locate Allies 182 Never Let Them See You Sweat 185 Brainstorming 187 Refresher 192 10 Unlocking Deadlocks 195 If Nothing Works, Change Something 195 Find Reasons to Agree 200 Get Creative 200 Objective Mechanisms 205 Sometimes No Deal Is the Best Deal 209 If Deal Fever Persists, Keep Saying "No" 209 Refresher 216 11 Building Relationships 219 Today versus Tomorrow: How Long Is the Long Run? 219 A Relationship Tool: Bonding 221 The Meet-and-Bond Style 222 Rebonding 225 No Faux Bonding 227 Practice Makes Bonding 228 The Value of Relationships 231 Refresher 234 12 Putting It All Together 237 The Major League Baseball Owners versus the Major League Umpires (and the Major League Umpires versus Themselves) 237 Refresher 244 Epilogue: Nelson Mandela--When the Power of Nice Changed a Nation 247 Reinforcement Tools Link 251 Post-Negotiation Assessment Questionnaire 253 Negotiator's Toolbox 255 Index 257