Love in Exile
Published on 6. February 2025
Book
Hardback
208 pages
978-0-241-60598-1 (ISBN)
Description
The acclaimed Top 10 Sunday Times best-seller on our search for love
'Uncommonly wise and honest. Love in Exile flooded me with a sense of continuity and hope. A masterpiece, from start to finish' - Maggie Nelson
Shon Faye grew up quietly obsessed with the feeling that love was not for her. Not just romantic love: the secret fear of her own unworthiness penetrated every aspect and corner of her life. It was a fear that would erupt in destructive, counterfeit versions of the real love she craved: addictions and short-lived romances that were either euphoric and fantastical, or excruciatingly painful and unhinged, often both. Faye's experience of the world as a trans woman, who grew up visibly queer, exacerbated her fears. But, as she confronted her damaging ideas about love and lovelessness, she came to realize that this sense of exclusion is symptomatic of a much larger problem in our culture.
Love, she argues, is as much a collective question as a personal one. Yet our collective ideals of love have developed in a society which is itself profoundly sick and loveless; in which consumer capitalism sells us ever new, engrossing fantasies of becoming more loved or lovable. In this highly politicized terrain, boundaries are purposefully drawn to keep some in and to keep others out. Those who exist outside them are ignored, denigrated, exiled.
In Love in Exile, Shon Faye shows love is much greater than the narrow ideals we have been taught to crave so desperately that we are willing to bend and break ourselves to fit them. Wise, funny, unsparing, and suffused with a radical clarity, this is a book of and for our times: for seeing and knowing love, in whatever form it takes, is the meaning of life itself.
'Uncommonly wise and honest. Love in Exile flooded me with a sense of continuity and hope. A masterpiece, from start to finish' - Maggie Nelson
Shon Faye grew up quietly obsessed with the feeling that love was not for her. Not just romantic love: the secret fear of her own unworthiness penetrated every aspect and corner of her life. It was a fear that would erupt in destructive, counterfeit versions of the real love she craved: addictions and short-lived romances that were either euphoric and fantastical, or excruciatingly painful and unhinged, often both. Faye's experience of the world as a trans woman, who grew up visibly queer, exacerbated her fears. But, as she confronted her damaging ideas about love and lovelessness, she came to realize that this sense of exclusion is symptomatic of a much larger problem in our culture.
Love, she argues, is as much a collective question as a personal one. Yet our collective ideals of love have developed in a society which is itself profoundly sick and loveless; in which consumer capitalism sells us ever new, engrossing fantasies of becoming more loved or lovable. In this highly politicized terrain, boundaries are purposefully drawn to keep some in and to keep others out. Those who exist outside them are ignored, denigrated, exiled.
In Love in Exile, Shon Faye shows love is much greater than the narrow ideals we have been taught to crave so desperately that we are willing to bend and break ourselves to fit them. Wise, funny, unsparing, and suffused with a radical clarity, this is a book of and for our times: for seeing and knowing love, in whatever form it takes, is the meaning of life itself.
Reviews / Votes
Faye sets out to deconstruct her topics through thoroughly researched and accessibly delivered political and social theory, providing radical ways of thinking... her discussions are expansive and wholly empathetic...The weaving through of memoir is equally compelling... The greatest strength of Love in Exile, though, is Faye's optimism. She is resolute in her belief that human beings are capable of great compassion, both to each other and ourselves. -- Alim Kheraj * The i paper * Much of Faye's writing is deeply personal, but a political thesis underpins Love in Exile... [it] is sincere in a way that reminds me of bell hooks' 1999 book All About Love... Her writing will shake your illusions about love, but remind you of the value of even attempting it -- Kitty Drake * The Guardian * Seamlessly blending memoir and social theory... Faye examines the elision of love, validation and addiction with such lucidity as to knock the wind out of you -- Emma Loffhagen * The Standard * Love in Exile is lyrical and often laugh-out-loud funny... shot through with warmth, solidarity and a kind of expansive, sororal love for the world, it's a bracing and often sad book - but never a depressing one... -- James Greig * Dazed * Writing about love is an ancient practice, yet Faye brings a sharp, warm and illuminating analysis to the contemporary state of affairs - with some unexpected diversions, like her relationship with Catholicism... Love in Exile is set to be the must-read book of 2025 -- Vic Parsons * Gay Times * Part memoir, part political education, Love in Exile explores Faye's honest sentiments about feeling lonely and unlovable, her addiction to love and alcohol, and where these feelings stem from... intertwined with rich and thoroughly researched chapters about other aspects of love, such as obligatory love through motherhood, religious love, friendship, forgiveness, and so much more. -- Annie Lord * AnOther * Love in Exile is a book that gets extremely honest... it mixes memoir with a broader examination of love - romantic, familial, friendship... The book, like Faye in conversation, is intelligent, funny and never obvious in its exploration of its subject -- Lladan Hynes * Irish Independent * A deeply personal memoir... the book does not ultimately make for depressing reading. In many ways, it's a love letter to love - the types of love found in community, among friends, and - if they're done right - within relationships. -- Lottie Elton * Big Issue * An account of how and why we define our own self-worth in terms of love. Faye has a perspective and style that is distinctly her own but offers insight and enlightenment that is appealingly universal * Vogue, 'Best Books of 2025' * A brilliantly perceptive manifesto on love in all its forms * Independent's 'Best books to look out for in 2025' * Part memoir, part manifesto, Shon Faye's second book is a forensic investigation into love: what it means and who it is for... Love in Exile will speak to anyone who has ever felt that this most universal feeling was out of their reach - that they are unworthy, deluded or incapable and reframes what love is * AnOther's 'Best Books of 2025' * Teaching us to love without boundaries, this new memoir looks at how relationships can expand far beyond the narrow ideals many of us have been taught to chase * ELLE's 'Cult Books We Can't Wait to Read in 2025' * A lesson in why love is so much greater than the narrow ideals we have been taught * Service 95's 'Most anticipated releases of 2025' * Uncommonly wise and honest. Love in Exile flooded me with a sense of continuity and hope. A masterpiece, from start to finish * Maggie Nelson * Shon Faye can break your heart and change your mind in the same moment. Love In Exile is a parade of these instances, a book that for lovers in this era will be both a comfort and a sword * Torrey Peters * I loved this smart, searching, and moving book. Love in Exile is an exacting and thoughtful exploration of what it is to relate to men, masculinity, power, and gender norms, as a woman, and as a trans woman specifically, Shon Faye's clear-sightedness and compassion, both in respect to others and to herself, is what makes her writing so powerful. Both disarming and self-possessed, this book is suffused with curiosity - and it's one that I found as thought-provoking as I found it helpful * Katherine Angel * So beautifully written, my heart almost can't contain it all * Poorna Bell * A heartfelt and astute book that encourages us to reconsider our fantasies and assumptions about romantic love. Should be required reading for anyone who wants to join a dating app, love ethically, or experience true partnership with other humans * Melissa Febos * I loved it! I think. Because after Faye's compassionate, wise and often very funny book, I'm rethinking everything I thought I knew about love. An essential read for anyone who has ever loved, lost or been lonely * Juno Dawson * Reading this made me sit and ruminate on love, and all its squidgy forms, in ways I hadn't before. Tenderness and honesty lurk on every page. Shon's thoughts are at once enthralling and confronting * Jodie Harsh *More details
Language
English
Place of publication
London
United Kingdom
Publishing group
Penguin Books Ltd
Dimensions
Height: 217 mm
Width: 135 mm
Thickness: 24 mm
Weight
318 gr
ISBN-13
978-0-241-60598-1 (9780241605981)
Copyright in bibliographic data and cover images is held by Nielsen Book Services Limited or by the publishers or by their respective licensors: all rights reserved.
Schweitzer Classification
Other editions
Additional editions
Person
Shon Faye is author of the acclaimed bestseller The Transgender Issue. Her work has been published in, among others, the Guardian, Independent, British Vogue and VICE. She writes an advice column, Dear Shon, for Vogue.com. Born in Bristol, she now lives in London.