Reconcilable Differences
Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love--without Losing Yourself
1st Edition
Published on 25. November 1999
Book
Hardback
332 pages
978-1-57230-261-7 (ISBN)
Description
Winner of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) Self-Help Seal of Merit!
Every couple has arguments, but what happens when recurring battles begin to feel like full-scale war? Do you retreat in hurt and angry silence, hoping that a spouse who "just doesn't get it" will eventually see things your way? Spend the time between skirmishes gathering evidence that you're right? Demand some immediate changes--or else? Whether due to innate personality traits or emotional vulnerabilities, there are some aspects of our behaviour that are difficult to alter. But these differences do not have to get in the way of healthy, happy, and long-lasting romance. This practical guide offers new solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. Aided by thought-provoking exercises and lots of real-life examples, readers will learn why they keep having the same fights again and again; how to keep small incompatibilities from causing big problems; and how true acceptance can restore health to their relationships.
Every couple has arguments, but what happens when recurring battles begin to feel like full-scale war? Do you retreat in hurt and angry silence, hoping that a spouse who "just doesn't get it" will eventually see things your way? Spend the time between skirmishes gathering evidence that you're right? Demand some immediate changes--or else? Whether due to innate personality traits or emotional vulnerabilities, there are some aspects of our behaviour that are difficult to alter. But these differences do not have to get in the way of healthy, happy, and long-lasting romance. This practical guide offers new solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. Aided by thought-provoking exercises and lots of real-life examples, readers will learn why they keep having the same fights again and again; how to keep small incompatibilities from causing big problems; and how true acceptance can restore health to their relationships.
Reviews / Votes
'One virtue of the book is its utter realism ...[It] offers a slew of tools that couples can use to reconcile their differences without the help of a therapist.' - Jane Brody, The New York Times'This book speaks directly to the heart ... Readers will learn how to heal their relationships and create the intimacy they want.' - John Gottman, PhD, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
'Packed with data, wisdom, and common sense.' - Polly Drew, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
'The most intelligent text available on the topic of romantic relationships, this book will stimulate thought and discussion among graduate students and advanced undergraduates. It is required reading in my own course on social relationships.' - Joseph Kasof, PhD, University of California, Irvine
'This well-researched and well-written book is exactly what quarreling couples need to extricate themselves from tangles of blame and accusation. It is not just a pep talk, but a practical, hands-on guide for all couples with conflicts-which is to say, all couples.' - Carol Tavris, PhD, author of Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion
More details
Other editions
New editions
Andrew Christensen | Brian D. Doss | Neil S. Jacobson
Reconcilable Differences
Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love--without Losing Yourself
Book
03/2014
2nd Edition
Guilford Press
€64.56
Article exhausted; check different version
Additional editions
Andrew Christensen | Brian D. Doss | Neil S. Jacobson
Reconcilable Differences
Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love--without Losing Yourself
Book
07/2002
1st Edition
Guilford Publications
€38.56
Article exhausted; check for reprint
Content
Three Sides to Every Story. Part I: The Anatomy of an Argument. "You're Wrong!": Relationship Problems as Faults. "How Can You Be That Way?": Relationship Problems as Incompatibilities. "Can I Give to You without Losing Me?": Incompatibilities over Love and Power. "I Do but I Don't": Confusing Incompatibilities. "You Know How to Hurt Me": Relationship Problems as Vulnerabilities. A Cure Worse Than the Disease: Relationship Problems as Solutions. Part II: From Argument to Acceptance. The Delicate Balance: Acceptance and Change. A Story of Our Own: Acceptance through Understanding. Walking in Your Partner's Shoes: Acceptance through Compassion. Getting Some Perspective on the Conflict: Acceptance through Tolerant Distance. Part III: Deliberate Change through Acceptance. The Dilemmas of Deliberate Change. How Good Advice Can Be Bad for Your Relationship: Accepting the Foibles of Rules. Why a New Approach Can Lead to the Same Old Thing: Using Your Own Story to Make Genuine Change. Lost Battles Can Win the War: How Change and Intimacy Can Emerge from Defeat. Part IV: When Acceptance Is Not Enough. "Don't Do That to Me!". Call in the Professionals. Appendix: Internet Resources.