Chapter 1

Introducing Compassion Focused Therapy

IN THIS CHAPTER

Understanding how Compassion Focused Therapy works

Discovering the benefits of compassion

Exploring the effects of shame and self-criticism

Beginning your journey

Reaching out to others with compassion

People are more similar than different. We're all born into a set of circumstances that we don't choose, and in possession of a phenomenal yet very tricky brain. We're all trying to get by, doing the best we can. The sooner we wake up to this reality the better.

Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) is here to help. This approach aims to liberate you from shame and self-criticism, replacing these feelings with more helpful ways of relating to yourself. It helps you to choose the type of person you want to be and to develop ways to make this choice a reality.

In this chapter, I introduce you to CFT, offering you an understanding of how it works and helping you to understand the benefits. I also point out the steps you may take along the way as you work with the information in this book. Finally, I take a moment to help you connect to the wider community around you as you begin this journey.

CFT advocates that you don't rush to 'learn' about the approach but instead allow space to experience and 'feel' it. So take your time with this book as you apply it to your life, and really discover the benefits.

Getting to Grips with Compassion Focused Therapy

CFT was founded by UK clinical psychologist Paul Gilbert, OBE. The name of the approach was chosen to represent three important aspects:

• Compassion, in its simplest yet potentially most powerful definition, involves a sensitivity to our own, and other people's, distress, plus a motivation to prevent or alleviate this distress. As such, it has two vital components. One involves engaging with suffering while the other involves doing something about it. Chapter 2 delves into the ins and outs of compassion in more detail.
• Focused means that we actively develop and apply compassion to ourselves. It also involves accepting and experiencing compassion from and for others.
• Therapy is a term to describe the processes and techniques used to address an issue or difficulty.

CFT looks to social, developmental and evolutionary psychology and neuroscience to help us understand how our minds develop and work, and the problems we encounter. This scientific understanding (of ourselves and others) calls into question our experiences of shame and self-criticism and helps us to develop the motivation to make helpful changes in our lives.

CFT utilises a range of Eastern and Western methods to enhance our wellbeing. Attention training, mindfulness and imagery combine with techniques used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Person Centred, Gestalt and Narrative therapies (to name but a few), resulting in a powerful mix of strategies that can help you become the version of yourself you wish to be.

CFT is often referred to as part of a 'third-wave' of cognitive behavioural therapy because it incorporates a number of CBT techniques. However, CFT derives from an evolutionary model (which you find out more about in Chapters 3, 4 and 5) and it uses techniques from many other therapies that have been found to be of benefit. As such, CFT builds upon and integrates with other therapies. As therapies become more rooted in science, we may see increasing overlap rather than diversification.

Compassion can involve kindness and warmth, but it also takes strength and courage to engage with suffering and to do something about it. CFT is by no means the easy or 'fluffy' option. Head to Chapter 6 to address some of the myths associated with compassion.

You may be reading this book because you want to find out more about this form of therapy. Alternatively, you may want to develop your compassionate mind and compassionate self out of care for your own wellbeing. The why or your motivation for reading this book has a big effect on the experience and, potentially, the outcome. Personally, I hope that whatever your motivation, you consider applying the approach to yourself in order that you can learn it 'from the inside out'.

Defining common terms

You may find that some of the terms used in CFT are new to you. Here are a few common terms that I use throughout this book, along with an explanation of what they mean:

• Common humanity: This refers to the fact that, as human beings, we all face difficulties and struggles. We're more alike than different, and this realisation brings with it a sense of belonging to the human family.
• Tricky brain: Our highly complex brains can cause us problems. For example, our capacity to think about the future and the past makes us prone to worry and rumination, while our inbuilt tendency to work out our place in a hierarchy can have a huge impact on our mood and self-esteem. In CFT, we use the term tricky brain to recognise our brain's complexity and the problems this complexity can lead to. We consider our tricky brain in more detail in Chapter 3.
• Compassionate mind: This is simply an aspect of our mind. It comes with a set of attributes and skills that are useful for us to cultivate (I introduce these attributes and skills in Chapter 2). This frame of mind is highly important for our wellbeing, relationships and communities. But just as we have a compassionate mind, we also have a competitive and threat-focused mind - which is highly useful, if not a necessity, at certain times (Chapter 4 takes a look at our threat-focused mind).
• Compassionate mind training: This describes specific activities designed to develop compassionate attributes and skills, particularly those that influence and help us to regulate emotions. Attention training and mindfulness are used as a means to prepare us for this work, and we look at these practices in Part 3.
• Compassionate self: This is the embodiment of your compassionate mind. It's a whole mind and body experience. Your compassionate self incorporates your compassionate mind but also moves and interacts with the world.

• Compassionate self cultivation: Your compassionate self is an identity that you can embody, cultivate and enhance. Compassionate self cultivation describes the range of activities that help you develop your compassionate self. Head to Chapter 10 for more on the cultivation of your compassionate self.

  Engagement in the compassionate mind training and compassionate self cultivation activities provided in this book is often referred to as 'physiotherapy for the brain', as their use has been found to literally change the brain!

  Compassionate mind training and compassionate self cultivation are integral to CFT, but there's so much more to CFT. For many, getting to a point at which you can see the relevance and benefits of compassionate mind training and compassionate self cultivation, and overcome blocks and barriers to compassion, is the most significant aspect of your compassionate journey.

• Exercises: These are activities for you to try. Sometimes they help to illustrate a point or provide a useful insight. Other exercises can give you an idea of what helps you to develop and maintain your compassionate mind.
• Practice: Once you're aware of which exercises are helpful to you, you can then incorporate these into your everyday life. Regular use of these exercises becomes your practice.

Observing the origins of CFT

CFT is closely tied to advances in our understanding of the mind and, because scientific advances never stop, the therapy continues to adapt and change based upon it. Much of this book focuses on sharing the science to help develop a compassionate understanding of yourself and a sense of connection with fellow travellers on this mortal coil.

CFT is also born out of a number of clinical observations:

• People demonstrating high levels of shame and self-criticism often struggle with standard psychological therapies. For example, using CBT, many find that they're not reassured by the generation or discovery of alternative beliefs and views and that this doesn't result in changes to the way they feel. Individuals may say 'Logically, I know I'm not bad/not to blame, but I still feel it' and 'I know it's unlikely that things will go wrong, but I still feel terrible'.

• What we say to ourselves is important, but how we say it is even more important. Ever called yourself 'idiot' in a light-hearted and jovial manner? You probably did so without feeling any negative effects. But, have you ever called yourself an idiot in a harsh and judgemental manner? You probably felt much worse on that occasion, perhaps resulting in an urge to withdraw or isolate yourself.

  Consider phrases such as, 'look on the bright side' or 'count your blessings'. Sometimes these phrases can be said in a life-affirming way, but using a condescending, frustrated or angry tone represents a whole different ball game. This helps illustrate that your emotional tone is important.

• Therapy can result in improvement in mood, self-esteem, sense of control and...