Introduction

The Power of Stories to Teach About Negotiation

"Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world."

- Robert McKee, Professor1

"Tell me a story." That simple phrase has been at the heart of how conversations between people have begun for millennia and a significant vehicle for how knowledge is passed from one generation to the next. People have a knack for remembering stories, especially those with powerful lessons at their core.

Stories stemming from real-world negotiations are no different. In fact, actual negotiations that happen in business, government, and the world around us stay lodged in our memories better than theories, concepts, or facts. Why are these negotiation stories so powerful? An important part of the reason is because they often challenge our assumptions and preconceptions about what is achievable when people sit down together. As but one small example, consider the following story that a colleague shared with me a number of years ago.2 It is conveyed from her point of view.

Many years ago, I was hired as a negotiation advisor to help a small company with a merger they were seeking to engage in. Initially, I met with the company numerous times to prepare-discussing what their best-case scenario would look like (Aspiration Point), what they really hoped to achieve (Target Point), and at what point the deal no longer made sense and they would walk away (Reservation Point). All pretty standard notions. We also talked about the dynamics, such as power, that were involved in this situation. From our point of view the power issue was fairly balanced between the parties given they were equal in size and net worth. As the negotiations drew closer, the company representatives asked that I sit in the room with them, away from the table, and give them advice during the breaks as the negotiation progressed. I had done this arrangement before, so I agreed.

As the negotiations began, both sides showed up with three negotiators as they had previously agreed. Almost immediately the other company's primary negotiator, named Oliver, took control and started to lay out the agenda in a very aggressive manner. He shared that they had run the numbers and that the offer they were putting on the table was more than fair. In particular, Oliver also claimed that they were bigger in size and brought more value to the table so they wanted control of the company after the merger. They would respect my client's company and their employees would all keep their jobs - for the time being. But that was the deal. Then Oliver said, "Take it or leave it."

Needless to say, this was not what we expected, but the team I had worked with knew enough that this was not acceptable to them - from both a process and an outcome perspective. The team tried to redirect the negotiation back to a problem-solving process. Oliver was not at all interested in that type of shift, even though it looked like his two colleagues were quite uncomfortable with the stance their team was taking. The two team members were shuffling papers, not making eye contact, and squirming in their seats in a noticeable fashion.

After a few minutes of back and forth with little progress Oliver started to take his papers and jam them, frustratedly, into his briefcase. He glared at our negotiators and simply said, "Well!" Our team said nothing. Oliver vaulted himself from the chair. The other two gentlemen looked puzzled, but began to pack up as well. Oliver, visibly annoyed, did not wait for them. He hurriedly marched across the room, opened the door, walked through it, and slammed it behind him. There was silence. Then laughter burst out from our negotiators and the other two men on the other side of the table. It turns out that Oliver, in his anger, had stormed right into a walk-in closet. But that was hardly the end of the story. Fifteen seconds passed. Then thirty seconds. Nothing happened. Oliver stayed in the closet.

Everyone's laughter turned to amazement the situation continued. After what I imagine was another 10 or 15 seconds, the door began to creak open. Oliver could hear the laughter. He sheepishly crept out of the closet with his proverbial tail between his legs.

One of our team members, named Kurt, regained control of himself and began to engage Oliver's two colleagues. Kurt explained to them that he could see a different way to approach the negotiation and would like to share it with their team. Oliver slinked back into the seat on the end. Before Oliver could reply, a member of his team learned forward and asked Kurt what he had in mind. Kurt explained a few different options, and the two other members of Oliver's team began to engage. Oliver sat on the sideline, not saying anything, eyes firmly planted on the floor.

After a few hours of productive back and forth, working through broad concepts and then the details, the parties were able to reach a tentative deal that was more balanced and reflected a true partnership. The merger eventually happened, worked well, and the new company is still thriving today.

There are many morals to this story. First, emotions, when not properly managed, can lead to big mistakes in negotiation. Interestingly however, in this case, they also led to a breakthrough. Thus, a second moral to be drawn from this story is that negotiation is inherently unpredictable, and anything can happen that can shift and move a process in unexpected ways. Approaching negotiations with a flexible and adaptable mindset, therefore, becomes another key takeaway. I am certain all the negotiators involved in this case will remember these lessons, and perhaps some others.

Coming back to negotiation stories in general, the stark reality is that there is not nearly enough public sharing of negotiation stories that exhibit the power of this process. Negotiations occur daily, but very few people know about them. Confidentiality and sensitive information often block the dissemination of these valuable lessons and anecdotes. However, if these stories are not shared, people won't be able to learn the vast potential of negotiation to forge new relationships, create productive deals, and resolve difficult conflicts.

There is a way to share these valuable stories, while shielding those who need to be protected. Some of the sensitive details found in negotiations are not critical in order to learn the lessons of how negotiators made their way through often improbable obstacles to reach creative solutions. The purpose of this book is to show you exactly how people went about doing this in their negotiations.

Why the Story Arc Is So Memorable for Negotiation

"There's always room for a story that can transport people to another place."

- J.K. Rowling3

Real-world stories are some of the best ways to learn and remember key ideas and concepts. Nary a person who hears the story of the negotiator and the closet and forgets it. For skeptics of negotiation, of which there are many, real stories are also very difficult to refute given that they actually happened.

The best stories have a memorable arc from beginning to end, overcoming obstacles, conflicts, and controversies, while ultimately conveying a lesson in an easy to understand manner. Let's briefly analyze these components to grasp why they are so compelling and leave an indelible mark in our memories. By doing this you will be able to identify these phases as you read the case studies.

As was mentioned, the best stories have an arc where the scene is set and the characters are introduced, the character's encounter a dilemma or problem to be overcome, and the characters usually land on a solution that very few saw coming. First, when it comes to the scene being set and the characters introduced, contemplate the Harry Potter series. The series begins with Harry's parents dying at the hands of Voldemort with only the infant, Harry, surviving. Harry's dilemma evolves into an epic conflict with Voldemort - good versus evil - that highlights the next part of any effective story.

Second, a story has to have a significant conundrum, dilemma, or conflict to overcome. This apex is where folklores and legends come from. Whether it is Pip in Great Expectations who desperately wants to be in the British upper class but is shunned, the tiny Hobbit Frodo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings who must undergo a virtually impossible journey to destroy the ring of power and save the world, or the simple and apparently meek shepherd boy David in The Book of Samuel, who improbably walks to the bottom of the Valley of Elah to fight the behemoth Goliath when nobody else will do so. This is the moment - unexpected and exhilarating - that keeps our attention and sets the stage for the culmination of the tale.

Third and finally is the finale, the sense of relief that the characters in the story come to a creative solution against all odds or a surprise ending that alters the way we think. The end - sometimes happy, sometimes not - is filled with lessons and morals that stay with us and teach us something that is unforgettable. Dorothy gets back to Kansas in the most improbable of ways, completing the Wizard of Oz saga in epic fashion and teaching us to look within for our strengths. Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None leaves us spellbound and surprised that the end was not all what we expected. Returning to Harry...