Introduction

This book is unique in its approach. It is not a book about theories or analysis, it is a practical how-to handbook. It will provide you with guided conversations based on interviews with real students so that you can learn the specific language that will help you respond to the challenges your students face.

Mental health can be an overwhelming topic for educators. You hear the terrifying statistics. You know your students are struggling now more than ever. Mostly you might feel confident in your ability to help because you know your students and you're good at what you do. But right now, youth are in a mental health crisis, and sometimes you might get stuck when things are heavy or intense or on a scale you haven't yet experienced. Sometimes it's hard to know when to refer your students to a mental health professional and what you can say in those moments when there is no one else there but you.

This learning is essential for every educator, even if you don't want to speak about mental health at all with your students (which is completely understandable!). Think of it like CPR training. We aren't doctors, we don't know how to do surgery, but we all go through the training so that in the event that we are in front of someone whose heart has stopped, we can keep them alive until help arrives.

One of the hardest things about being an educator is that you are always "on." When you encounter student struggles and mental health challenges, it is on the fly, in the moment, and you often don't have the luxury of providing much more than a few words. Feeling on the spot with a student's reality and not being quite sure what you should or shouldn't say can be a stressful and challenging experience. This is part of what is leading to so much teacher burnout.

Being an educator, you are immersed in human connection, and the messiness this entails, and you are the first to see the ever-changing landscape of challenges that young people face. Even though you might not feel equipped to deal with some of the things your students are experiencing, you are. You care, and you want to help. Those are the fundamentals. You don't need to be a psychologist or a mental health "expert." All you need is a source of practical guidance that you can use to build on your already strong foundation to provide support for your students while also supporting yourself.

This book is that source. You can use the index to flip to any challenge you see occurring for your students, and in a matter of minutes, you will have an example of dialogue and language that you can draw on. This will help you move from your already strong foundation of connecting to and caring for your students to knowing precisely what to do in order to provide deep and meaningful mental health support. To provide the kind of support that builds resilience in students so they are more equipped to help themselves, and that creates a healthy boundary for you at the same time. When you know your words are helping, you are less likely to take the burden of what you hear in the classroom home with you, creating less stress in your life. These impactful conversations with struggling students will mean that you have more time, headspace, and energy to focus on teaching. And more specifically, teaching students who are mentally and emotionally ready to learn.

The information found in this book is based on my education in this field, which includes five academic degrees, my Ph.D. research into school bullying interventions, and my work as a clinical psychologist. But more than any of that, the greatest insights I have gained to advise my theoretical perspective are based on two things: First, my own therapeutic processing of the trauma that I faced in my early life, which allowed me to develop a deeply personal understanding of the theories I was presented with throughout my educational journey. By seeing my own patterns, changing some, and struggling to change others, I have become acutely aware of how our thoughts and feelings play out in the way we treat ourselves and each other on a daily basis. And second, the work I have done with schools and students over the past 20 years-some as a psychologist, some as a program developer, and some as a mentor and youth worker. Doing this work has given me a deep insight into the way mental health plays out in the real world, in school settings. The mental health challenges that educators are presented with are often confusing and multilayered, and there is usually a deficit of time to deal with the challenges of so many students in the midst of a busy school day. This is what led me to develop Open Parachute, which is a Tier 1 mental health curriculum program to assist teachers in delivering impactful mental health lessons to all of their students without needing to be a mental health "expert" themselves. Many of the teachers delivering these lessons all over the world have asked me a similar question: "If something comes up in class, what exactly do I say?" This book is an answer to that question, and is for all the brilliant educators out there who tirelessly (and often thanklessly) do the hard work every day to connect to and care for their students. In these pages, I hope you find the words that can help you navigate the challenges you face in your classroom every day.

What Is Really Going on with Students?

Every child is born with the wisdom to flourish. Every person inherently knows what they need to thrive. If they didn't, we wouldn't have survived so effectively as a species. And yet in today's world, many youth are struggling for a growing list of reasons. Many families face challenges that are beyond their control, and in many homes, the isolation and sudden changes of COVID exacerbated these challenges. Most students are in consistent contact with technology, and this can overwhelm and overstimulate them. While social media serves as a powerful tool for connection, it also increases many students' experiences of loneliness and decreases their self-esteem. With more and more image editing, increasing numbers of students feel ashamed of their bodies, which further diminishes their sense of self. Any student who does not quite fit in with their peers begins to see themselves as "less than," which impacts their agency and motivation to strive. There are so many ever-changing challenges that children and teenagers face in our world right now that it has become an impossible task for parents to protect them or prepare them adequately.

While this can all feel pretty bleak and disheartening, the good news is that there actually is something that we, as adults, can do to help. No, we don't have all the answers. No, we can't make their challenges go away. But what we can do is remind them that they have everything they need to find their way to the other side of whatever they are facing. It might not be easy, and it might take time, but they can learn to reflect on and understand their own experiences, and do things to actively build their support systems and support themselves. These steps will drastically improve any student's mental health, and these are things that we can coach and encourage them to do every single day.

Humans have the capacity to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. This has been proven time and time again. When faced with struggle, we have the incredible ability to shift, change, and adapt to achieve greatness that we never would have imagined. When faced with 27 years in prison, Nelson Mandela cultivated the courage and open-heartedness to lead an entire nation to a peaceful revolution. When faced with starvation and isolation, Anne Frank found the wisdom to write words that would teach profound compassion to the world for generations to come. When brutally gunned down, Malala Yousafzai found the strength to speak with such a commanding presence that she started an educational revolution that gave millions of girls the opportunity to expand their minds. Each of these incredible people changed the course of history simply by facing a personal challenge. As they struggled, they dug deep within themselves, and in so doing, found their own unique brilliance that could help not only themselves, but the world around them.

Every one of us has within themselves that brilliance and power. We just don't always know how to access it.

And so instead of expanding to our fullest potential when we face adversity, many of us simply fall into despair and get caught up in our fears. We start to self-destruct. We are so lost in our reactions that we become disconnected from our natural internal motivation to thrive. This is what separates us from animals. Our incredible mind has the ability to make something out of nothing. So when we are connected to ourselves and the world around us, we can be courageous and compassionate beyond measure, inspiring the world to do what is right and good and fair for everyone. But when our mind is spinning away from us and we no longer have a grasp on who we are or what we're capable of, all that mental power becomes focused on escaping what we're feeling. At all costs.

In the classroom, this might look like daydreaming, persistent disruptive behavior, withdrawal, nonattendance, or overly dramatic responses. All of this flags a deeper issue that this student is facing.

Imagine walking along a mountain path that's clearly marked, so every time you come to a crossroads you can see an indication of the right direction to take. Maybe it takes you a while to...