Rules of People

Understanding people

1 Understanding helps
2 No one has to be like you
3 People hear what they want to hear
4 People believe what they want to believe
5 Your attitude influences their response
6 Remember your first impression
7 People are tribal
8 Everyone wants to feel valued
9 They only tease you if they like you
10 ... but banter isn't teasing
11 Everyone else is insecure too
12 Spots don't change
13 Behaviour isn't character
14 Other people's relationships are a mystery
15 Big words are there to impress you
16 Confrontation can be scary
17 People feel nervous because they care
18 Angry people are sad people
19 Crying isn't always sad
20 Some people just don't think
21 Square pegs don't fit in round holes
22 Wild and wacky isn't always fun
23 It's hard being 13
24 They'll shout if you do
25 Responsibility creates independence
26 Teenagers hate you because they love you
27 Talking is what matters
28 Listening is what matters
29 No one likes saying sorry
30 The world is full of rebels
31 Some weirdos are great people

Helping people
32 Put your oxygen mask on first
33 Get in the swamp
34 It's OK just to feel
35 Listen, don't solve
36 Know your limitations
37 It's not a competition
38 Never give advice
39 Accept their decision
40 Give them control
41 Get them to think for themselves
42 Learn to be psychic
43 Listen to what they don't say
44 People who can't find an answer may not want one
45 Don't tell people to move on
46 Loneliness is a state of mind
47 Give them privacy
48 All interactions are positive or negative
49 Not everyone wants help

Getting them on your side
50 Loyalty runs both ways
51 Remember the details
52 Flattery should never be empty
53 Praise effectively
54 Keep your praise in proportion
55 People want to be liked
56 Earn their respect
57 Have a sense of humour
58 Don't be scared to admit your mistakes
59 Be tolerant
60 Make individual relationships
61 Turn the best side to the front
62 People generally agree with themselves
63 Credit people with your own ideas
64 Don't tell them they're wrong (even if they are)
65 Get them to collaborate
66 Be human
67 Share
68 Say thank you properly
69 Get under their skin
70 Criticise constructively
71 Agree without agreeing
72 Let them win
73 Make it three-dimensional
74 Give and take
75 Know what you both want
76 Get all their cards on the table
77 Give them a get-out
78 Never be scared
79 Don't get caught on the hop


Difficult people
80 There's only one person you can change
81 It's scary being controlled
82 If they feel small, they'll big themselves up
83 Shouty people want to be heard
84 Negative people can't half be useful
85 Control freaks know they're right
86 Blackmailers want to control you
87 Insecurity can cause mistrust
88 Prejudice comes from ignorance
89 Martyrs crave recognition
90 Sensitive people can't toughen up
91 People will listen if it's in their interest
92 Passive-aggressive people fear conflict
93 Patronising can be accidental
94 You can't beat a true narcissist
95 Moaners don't want to change
96 Competitive complainers don't just need a whinge
97 Secrets are full of power
98 Some people just can't lose
99 Manipulation is more than just persuasion
100 Busy people are less trouble