Chapter 1

Billy

I've been walking for hours alongside Lessie, like every day since I woke up. She doesn't complain, following me without argument, even though we both know that the various hiking trails she wanted to mark out have been ready for several weeks already. We go over the routes supposedly looking for a problem, a safety violation, but it's only an excuse. In reality, I don't know what I'm looking for on these trails. Answers, I suppose. I woke up ten months ago with an entire period of my life missing. No matter how hard I push my memory, I remember absolutely nothing except an incredible pair of eyes that appear to me every night. Irises that haunt me with their beauty, without my being able to remember who they belong to. Mathew couldn't help me despite all his attempts, since he spent his time at the hospital while I was at his apartment. That's where the whole problem lies. I was alone. I'm the only one who could possibly know what I did during his absence, and I'm incapable of remembering it. I wanted to go there, but it would have been too dangerous. I fell several stories. I should have died, and ten days later, I was like new, without the slightest visible aftereffect. That would have raised far too many questions-questions it was better to avoid

"Billy, you're lost in thought again."

I bring my attention back to Lessie, who has changed dramatically during my short absence. She's matured. She's now a magnificent she-wolf with her head on straight, eager to contribute to the pack and prove to her mate that she's worthy of him. As if Mathew ever doubted it.

"Sorry. I was thinking."

"As usual. Did you visit Jaxen today?"

I let out a low growl without answering her.

"He just wants to help you, Billy."

"You're in a good position to know that sometimes, there's nothing he can do."

I regret my words the moment they leave my mouth. A lot has happened while I was gone. Mathew's psychopathic brother showed up, and Sacha ended up bonding with him in order to have a mate. It's a sensitive subject for Lessie, who believes her sister sacrificed herself for her. Personally, I suspect her gesture was more selfish than it seems. Sacha was skirting lunar madness after Duke's rejection. She'd become bitter and cruel. She simply found a way out, and judging by the news she shares, she made the choice that suited her. It seems she's happy with Ethan. In any case, Jaxen never managed to soothe Sacha's resentment, and that's in no way his fault.

"I'm sorry, Lessie. I'm not feeling great today. I'm sorry."

She waves away my regrets with a flick of her hand, not lingering on my mood swing.

"It's fine. I was snappy because I was stuck in bed for several days, fully conscious and treated to gossip thanks to Julie. I can't imagine what it's like to lose part of your memory."

No, she can't-and I wouldn't wish it on her.

"We're done for today. I think everything's secure. You'll be able to start the excursions with tourists soon."

It'll be a new source of income for the pack, and the marked trails are far enough from our territory that they won't interfere with our habits.

"We both know these walks are just an excuse for you to clear your head."

"Lessie, wouldn't you like to go back to being the carefree, less perceptive kid you were a few months ago?"

Her crystalline laugh echoes between the trees, sending a multitude of birds fleeing.

"I still am sometimes, but I also know how to be serious and attentive."

"I know. I'm just tired of talking in circles. I'm going nowhere. My thoughts lead absolutely nowhere. I'm starting to think I should just let it go, learn to live with this missing period, act like it never existed."

"Except it's hard when you can't put a face to a gaze."

I watch her for a moment, narrowing my eyes.

"I swear, I like you less and less."

She bumps into me as she passes, whipping me with her hair in the process.

"We both know that's not true. I'm adorable."

This time, it's my turn to chuckle. That's why I keep walking with Lessie even though she clearly no longer needs my help. Despite our occasional serious conversations, she's the only one who manages to make my daily life lighter these days.

"Come on, let's head back down before Mathew comes looking for us."

"If you insist. I like him missing me."

"I don't doubt it. The Silvermoon, a bit less."

Those two have loud reunions. The river has become their refuge, for everyone's peace of mind, much to the despair of the other couples. It seems the ardor of newly bonded pairs knows no limits.

    A pang in my chest catches me by surprise, and I push it away as best I can. Every time I think about the bond, a knot forms in my chest and steals my breath. It's been happening more and more often lately, striking when I least expect it. I just celebrated my thirtieth birthday. I assume it's the consequence of this milestone, the beginning of trouble. Except that aside from this inexplicable reaction, I don't feel any change happening inside me. Nothing at all. I remember Aaron's aggression at the height of lunar madness, when he needed all his energy to keep his wolf under control. That's not my case at all. My animal is as calm as ever, though since my awakening, I feel him as more. sad, a little dimmed, without understanding why. Honestly, I'm not even sure he knows himself. He simply seems very solitary, as if he were trying to call out to his soulmate without being able to find her. Nothing truly dangerous in itself, but an isolation that weighs on me more heavily with each passing day.

"There you are at last!"

Lessie and I exchange a knowing smile as Mathew arrives.

"You knew exactly where we were, Mathew."

"I mostly know that I missed you."

The couple embraces and kisses passionately. More than embarrassment, I feel a longing pulsing through my veins, a desire impossible to satisfy.

"Billy, are you okay?"

My friend's interruption makes me realize I'm growling under my breath. It isn't directed at him, and even less at Lessie. In fact, it isn't aimed at anyone in particular.

"Sorry."

"You're feeling. empty again?"

I've already discussed it at length with Mathew, Lessie, and of course Jaxen, without any of us managing to find an explanation.

"Yes. It's nothing."

He clearly doesn't think the same.

"We should go back to my old building. Aaron's arguments when you woke up were justified, but there's nothing to worry about now. Maybe it would unlock your memory."

"That's a good idea. I'll talk to him about it again."

"I'm coming with you."

"No, it's unnecessary. Enjoy your mate."

I know Mathew. I know he won't let me make this trip alone. I also know Lessie won't be part of this adventure. Her place is in Silver City. It's extremely difficult for a shapeshifter to endure the auditory and olfactory assaults of a big city. He'll never want to inflict that kind of torture on his mate, and I understand that. I think. Truth be told, I don't remember leaving Silver City to support Mathew back then, so I don't know how I handled the change. Apparently, not very well, judging by my accident.

    Aaron is never hard to find. When he's in the village, all you have to do is follow the sound of a child's laughter. Reese is an adorable little whirlwind who has melted the entire pack's heart, a high-energy cub who also drives us completely crazy by running all over the territory without the slightest restriction. In reality, he does have limits, but he's a free spirit, a future alpha with a probable gift for healing souls, which makes him a free electron. And there he is, galloping like a madman despite his four short legs. I catch him on the fly, savoring the softness of his fur and his scent of nature.

"Where do you think you're going like that?"

He gnaws on my fingers as Aaron arrives on two legs, looking exasperated and out of breath.

"Thanks, Billy. Without you, I probably would've been chasing him for hours."

The downside of having a future alpha for a son is that he resists his father's alpha waves far better than anyone else. As for me, the few times Aaron has used them, I've been forced flat to the ground, unable to move or even think. I hate it. Still, Aaron is an excellent alpha. He only uses that innate ability as a last resort.

"You do realize he's drooling all over you, right?"

"He's having fun, like all cubs."

"He nips, and his mother disapproves. He has an unfortunate habit of gnawing on the furniture."

I'm aware. Lilou never stops ordering new furniture from me. She isn't superficial and understands our respect for nature and resource preservation. However, Reese chews the furniture legs so much they end up unable to stand. In fact, the latest sideboard doesn't have any, at the request of my alpha female, who comes up with new ways every day to channel her son.

"Where's Lilou?"

"At the inn. Betty had to go visit an old friend in a neighboring pack."

I smile, thinking that at her age, Betty has nothing but old friends anyway.

"She asked her to supervise the evening in her absence, and she'll start early tomorrow morning for a long day."

Which means he'll have to handle the little whirlwind alone, without his mate, who usually...