
The Day of the Donald
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Ever conscious of his hugely important historical legacy, The Donald plucks disgraced tabloid reporter Jimmie Bernwood—the man responsible for publishing the infamous Ted Cruz sex tape—from the depths of anonymity to become his official biographer, giving him enviable access to the gold-plated White House and all of its secrets.
When Trump's previous biographer turns up dead, Bernwood must do some real investigative reporting, get to the bottom of a long series of murders...and, if it's absolutely unavoidable, save the country. The Day of the Donald is a hilariously hair-raising look at the (possible) future of America.
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Content
- Intro
- Title Page
- Copyright Page
- Contents
- Prologue: January 20, 2017
- Chapter One: The Even Greater Wall
- Chapter Two: Shawshank (Minus the Redemption)
- Chapter Three: Hello, Nurse
- Chapter Four: An Offer You Can't Refuse
- Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
- Chapter Five: Hammer Time
- Chapter Six: The Apprentice
- Chapter Seven: First Impressions Are Everything
- Chapter Eight: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
- Chapter Nine: You're Fired
- Chapter Ten: Surprise! You're Dead!
- Chapter Eleven: The Whole Shack Shimmies
- Chapter Twelve: A Hard Bed Is Good to Find
- Chapter Thirteen: Wallbanger
- Chapter Fourteen: We Honor and Remember Their Sacrifice
- Chapter Fifteen: Hope Is a Four-Letter Word
- Chapter Sixteen: Winter Is Coming
- Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
- Chapter Seventeen: In Bloom
- Chapter Eighteen: Roses Are Red, Lester Is Blue
- Chapter Nineteen: We Don't Dial 9-1-1
- Chapter Twenty: Close Enough for Government Work
- Chapter Twenty-One: Candy Is Dandy, but Liquor Is Quicker
- Chapter Twenty-Two: Strawberry and Cinnamon
- Chapter Twenty-Three: Trump Zero
- Chapter Twenty-Four: WWTDYL
- Chapter Twenty-Five: Panda Express
- Chapter Twenty-Six: Check, Please
- Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
- Chapter Twenty-Seven: Say Cheese!
- Chapter Twenty-Eight: Boomtown
- Chapter Twenty-Nine: Twelve Angry Men
- Chapter Thirty: Biebs
- Chapter Thirty-One: The Birds and the Bees
- Chapter Thirty-Two: Hello Kitty
- Chapter Thirty-Three: Prince of Whales
- Chapter Thirty-Four: Mei Xiang's Revenge
- Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
- Chapter Thirty-Five: Thursday, Don't Even Start
- Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
- Chapter Thirty-Six: A Little Ditty
- Chapter Thirty-Seven: Have You Heard the Good Word?
- Chapter Thirty-Eight: Last Man Standing
- Chapter Thirty-Nine: What's Our Vector, Victor?
- Chapter Forty: Humble Is on the Move
- Chapter Forty-One: Let's Go Cubbies
- Chapter Forty-Two: The National Outlet Mall
- Chapter Forty-Three: The Ritz Cracker Barrel
- Chapter Forty-Four: A Very Particular Set of Skills
- Chapter Forty-Five: Table for One
- Chapter Forty-Six: The Seventh-Leading Cause of Death in the US
- Chapter Forty-Seven: Ninety Percent of the Time
- Chapter Forty-Eight: Storming the Castle
- Chapter Forty-Nine: Something Strange in the Neighborhood
- Chapter Fifty: Victoria's Secret
- Chapter Fifty-One: It Happens to Plenty of Guys
- Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
- Chapter Fifty-Two: Stupid Is as Stupid Does
- Chapter Fifty-Three: Drawing Chickens
- Chapter Fifty-Four: Stool for Spies
- Chapter Fifty-Five: The Dream of the Nineties Is Alive
- Chapter Fifty-Six: Killing Everybody
- Chapter Fifty-Seven: High Score: 1,072
- Chapter Fifty-Eight: Deny Everything
- Chapter Fifty-Nine: To Catch a Rat
- Chapter Sixty: Lucifer in the Flesh
- Chapter Sixty-One: As Big as It Gets
- Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
- Chapter Sixty-Two: The Series Finale
- Chapter Sixty-Three: Think of the Pageviews!
- Chapter Sixty-Four: No Spoilers
- Chapter Sixty-Five: The One With Mel Gibson
- Chapter Sixty-Six: Great America
- Chapter Sixty-Seven: Bigger Than Jesus
- Epilogue: In Loving Memory
- About the Author
- Acknowledgments
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