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Be Decisive: From ISOLATED to INSPIRED

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

-Nelson Mandela

LIKE MILLIONS OF others, waking up early and getting out of bed used to be the hardest part of my day. To hold myself accountable and overcome this all-too-common weakness, I scheduled one of the members of my movement, We Are The They, to be at my front door waiting for me at 7:00 a.m. Every morning, I do a 45-minute walk, get to know them, and learn about what's going on in their lives. In this chapter, we're going to cover everything about mindset and why an accountability tactic like this is so powerful. I'm also going to tell you the most important story that I told one of my guys on one of these daily walks. When I think about mindset, I'm always reminded of hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro. I have a million lessons I learned on that mountain, but they can mostly be boiled down to two things: mindset and the people around you that impact your mindset.

The way I even came to do this hike is a story of its own. I was looking for adventure, so I called a buddy of mine, Jason Van Camp. This guy was a Special Forces commander and had over a thousand troops under his command. Needless to say, he's badass. I told him we should go do something crazy. Without missing a beat, he said, "Well, actually, if you ever want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, I'm in this group called the Waterboys. I think I could get you a spot." This group is something Chris Long (the second pick in the NFL Draft and 2× Super Bowl champion) started to build wells for families in Africa that don't have clean water. It wasn't long before Jason called me up and said, "Hey, Rashad Evans (Hall-of-Fame UFC fighter) just backed out. I think I can get you in! It's 10 NFL guys, 6 Special Forces guys, 1 Wounded Warrior, and then you, I guess . the realtor."

The day of the hike, I went with the six military guys; three Marines, two Green Berets, and a guy named Q, Phil Quintana. He was wounded in Iraq and would be climbing the entire mountain with one leg. I was shocked he was doing it, but deeply moved when I saw him. Q said he'd been training with one of the other climbers, a former NFL player named Dave Vobora. Dave was a middle linebacker for the Rams, an absolute giant of a man. After his playing days were over, he set up the Adaptive Training Foundation in Dallas, Texas. They take people from the military who have lost limbs and prepare them for things like climbing, ski jumping, or the like. Dave had been training Q for nine months just to climb this mountain.

In the morning, before we were about to leave, I had breakfast with Q. He was sitting by himself, and I wanted to get to know him. He was shy, but it didn't take long for him to open up to me saying, "The reason I trained so hard is because there are more men in my position than you realize, and we don't have much purpose or hope. It really sucks. So, I want to do this and show these other men what they're capable of."

Mt. Kilimanjaro is a six-day hike, with the first five days hiking over nine hours per day. It's intense, but also pretty basic-one step after another. But that sixth day is one you would never forget. Our second day out, I settled in next to Dave and told him how incredible it was that he'd trained Q to come out here. Knowing how hard the final push was, I couldn't help but ask, "Do you think he's gonna get to the top?" He looked at me and said, "Man, I sure hope so. Jimmy, I'm going to tell you a secret that nobody else knows. I've been training Q for nine months, but three months ago, I got a call in the middle of the night from his wife. He had a shotgun in his mouth, fully loaded, safety off, finger on the trigger."

Dave continued, "It's the third time within the last year that he's tried to kill himself, and we've had to talk him out of it. If this guy gets to the top of this mountain, he'll get over this barrier. He'll find his own purpose, and he'll thrive. He's got two little girls at home. His wife is amazing. But if he doesn't get to the top, he'll be dead in six months." I thought we were just climbing a mountain. But after hearing that, I decided, "Okay, shit. Let's make sure we all get to the top of the mountain."

On day five, the last night, we got into the base camp about 3:00 p.m., ate, and tried to sleep for a few hours. Since it's so cold at the top, nobody could sleep so we were all just standing around trying to stay warm.

One of the military guys started asking everyone who we thought wouldn't get to the top. He turned to me and said, "I think it's going to be you." I wasn't offended; it was the predictable answer. Remember, I was just the realtor. The other guys were Marines, Special Forces, and professional athletes. The group leader heard this and was immediately irritated. "What are you talking about? We are all going to the top." The guy who singled me out figured this hike was all about physicality, but I knew better. It was all mental. I knew this mountain would be one of my life's hardest nights. But I made up my mind; I was going to the top. Not only for my own sake, but now that I knew Q's story, this hike was so much bigger than just me. I had made my decision.

Six hours into our last night, the guy who questioned my ability to finish was gone. I asked a few people what happened, and they said he wasn't feeling good, so he turned back. He ended up being the only person who didn't make it to the top that night. His very line of questioning showed his mindset. He had made it possible that someone might not reach the top. For him, it was an acceptable outcome to quit. His attempt to deflect his worries and fears on others was a mirror of what was really going on inside his own head and heart. So, I'm sure you're wondering, "If that guy quit, what happened to Q?"

If you've ever climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, you know you have to keep the false summit in mind. The false summit is about six hundred feet below the real summit. It's the hardest part because it's so hard to breathe. I couldn't even think straight. It was, and still is, the most brutal thing I've ever experienced. And yet, Q was crawling on his hands, all cut up, heading for the top. We were supposed to be at the summit at 7:00 a.m., but we were way behind because Q was struggling. I watched him fall 50 different times and really mess himself up. It wasn't pretty, but he was determined; he was inspired.

I happened to be at the front near the two leaders of the groups, and I overheard them saying, "He's done. He's given everything. Let's get him down. It's getting dangerous." Hearing that, all I could think about was what Dave had told me. I was just the realtor; I had no say, but I knew Q couldn't stop. I panicked, thinking, "Shit, no, no, we can't do this." I frantically looked around, and finally, I saw Dave.

I ran over to him and said, "Dave, they're trying to get Q to go down. You've got to do something!" He stormed over and grabbed Q saying, "Listen here! You're not done yet. You're going to the top! If we have to carry your ass, we're taking you to the top!" All Q could do was nod "okay." Then, Dave turned to the group leaders and said, "This guy is going to the fu*king top!" We threw his arms around us and began to help him make the final climb. This was a great idea . for about 40 seconds. We all took turns and helped him get to the top, but he was done. It took Dave and I and several others to be there for him when he had nothing left on the descent. It took all of us to help him get across the finish line.

This story always makes me emotional because it was truly a life-or-death thing. There was no way Dave was going to let Q not get to the top. When Q was finally helped to the summit, Dave was there and kissed him on his forehead. I knew what that kiss meant, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

To succeed in life, only you can make that decision. It has to be a conviction that you will give everything you've got, no matter what. This could be being a more present father, successful in business, more accepting of your family, or standing up against toxicity in your friend group, community, and our society. But you don't have to do it alone.

Find somebody in your life who will be your Dave Vobora, someone who won't let you quit even when everyone else says you're done, and you start to believe them. Find that person; find the mentor, the coach, or the friend that you can count on when you're spent, and you have nothing left. Someone to help you keep going when you've given more than anybody expected, but you're not quite to the top.

The 5 Pillars of Success

Q's success did not happen by accident. There were 5 critical pillars that carried him through. These 5 pillars will show up throughout the book and they are the foundation for succeeding in every stage of your life.

While I don't claim to have it all figured out, what I do know is that when you're as committed to growing as I am, it takes constantly fine-tuning each one of...