PUSH

CHAPTER 8

THE WEIGHT OF IT ALL

"I am not a product of my circumstances.
I am a product of my decisions."

- Stephen Covey

I REPORTED TO the University of North Texas at the rather underwhelming weight of 175 pounds. Nonetheless, I was ready to excel at my new division one football program! That is until the harsh reality of my smaller size set in. I needed to put on muscle quickly in order to protect my small frame from being crushed by my giant opponents who were grown men. I remember stepping into the gym and feeling a bit intimidated seeing all the weights and machines that make up a college weight room. I knew instantly that I was going to be putting in a lot of hard work in that weight room over the next four years and that I better get used to it very quickly. Even though I was small in stature, I really enjoyed working out and I was looking forward to doing whatever it would take to put on muscle and become a better football player.

Thankfully, as freshmen, we had an orientation meeting in the weight room where our head strength coach and his assistants demonstrated proper technique and how to use each machine. I had already developed a pretty good understanding of how the machines worked, but this meeting proved to me just how much they were invested in making sure we had the necessary strength to play division one football. As our first day orientation came to a close, our head strength coach laid out a schedule for freshman times in the weight room. As he was talking, I was pondering whether I wanted to lift in the morning, before practice, or maybe even a night session, depending on how intense and long practice was. That was, until I realized I didn't have any options. Freshman will lift on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 6:00 AM. Period. I remember hearing that and the first thought that crossed my mind was whether we were going to have to do that all year. And sure enough we were! When you have to get up at 5:30 AM, grab a quick snack and head to the weight room, it really sets the tone for your freshman year.

I was both excited and tired on day one. I realized instantly that my morning routine was going to be very intense. Coach sat us down and began to put us in groups of three. I could see the trend developing as to how he was forming the groups. The quarterbacks were together, the linemen were together, the running backs were together and so naturally I was waiting for him to put the wide receivers together. Being the competitive guy that I am, I begin to check out the other wide receivers I assumed I would be paired with; I looked around the weight room and made some mental notes as to which lifts I thought I would be strongest at. And then it happened. Coach put me with two linebackers!

Now if you don't know anything about football, that's okay. Let me tell you about linebackers - they weigh 225 pounds. Now let me tell you about me - I weighed 175 pounds. I'll do the math for you. That's a 50-pound difference! I was utterly perplexed as to why my coach put me with the wrong guys for my weightlifting group. There I was, 18 years old, a young man stepping out on my own in college, and suddenly put in a group with two guys who were clearly stronger than I was in every single lifting category. So much for summing up my competition! Talk about being embarrassed, I was mortified every Monday, Wednesday and Friday because of the massive difference in our stature and how much stronger these guys were than me. I distinctly remember every time it was my turn to lift, they would ask me how much weight they needed to take off for me. They never said it rudely, they were just stating the facts. They would say: "What would be a good weight for you to lift, since this weight is clearly too heavy for you?"

I was mulling over a couple of different ways that I could approach my coach and get an explanation as to why in the world he would put me in a position that seemed like it was setting me up for failure. My inner monologue went something like this: maybe he forgot I play wide receiver. Surely it isn't my size, as I look like a wide receiver? Wait, no, that's being generous. I really look more like a kicker. And if that's his rationale, why am I not with the kickers' weight lifting group?

Regardless, I had to figure it out. So I thought more about how I could approach my coach and ask in a way that wouldn't come off as stubborn, rude or as questioning his judgment on the group pairs. But as I was considering all of this, another possibility came to mind. What if my coach knew something that I didn't know? What if he had put me in this group on purpose, to challenge me, to push me, to encourage me to take a risk, even though it was very uncomfortable at that stage in my development? I didn't like it, but I accepted that my coach may have had a reason for what he did. Maybe it was fear of talking to my coach, or maybe it was an understanding that to play in the pro world one day, I needed to be able to overcome adversity. Either way, I decided I'd hold off on talking to my coach.

Instead, I went back and continued to hold my own with guys who were clearly bigger than I was. But let me be honest with you - I got tired of taking off the weight. I got tired of being the weak guy in the group. Over my first semester of lifting at 6:00 AM, three times a week, with two guys who were bigger and stronger than me, I could start to see myself getting stronger. It was amazing. As the weeks passed, I didn't have to take off as much weight and soon I began to see improvements in every single one of my lifts.

Each time I'd walk into the weight room, I'd catch a glimpse of the record board. It was always there in the corner of my eye. I was eyeing that thing down, or maybe the record board was eyeing me. Either way, it felt like a challenge and I knew that one day I wanted to see my name, under my position, on that record board. I knew I had a lot of work to do if I was going to make that a reality. As the end of my freshman year approached, it was time to test myself. I went for the power clean record for the wide receiver position, which was, at the time, set at 314 pounds. I tried multiple times, but missed again and again. On one attempt I fell to my knees trying to catch the weight and still missed it. I thought coach might have been embarrassed by how many times I went after that weight and failed, but he came up to me afterwards and let me know how proud he was of me for my efforts and desire to attempt that record! Especially since he saw how much I had grown mentally and physically over the course of my freshman year.

Although I was disappointed that I missed the record board, hearing that encouragement from my coach, from a leader in my life, reinforced all my efforts and gave me the drive to keep going and press onwards towards my goal. I didn't realize at the time how powerful his words were in my life. Can you imagine how I would have felt if my coach came over and chastised me for going after that record? If he would have belittled me in front of my teammates and friends for how stupid I was for trying to make that much of a leap in weight, especially after my performance all year as the weak one in the group? Or what if he had done something just as bad - what if he hadn't said anything at all? What if he remained quiet and carried on with business as usual? I believe those actions would have resulted in me feeling just as badly and just as discouraged as if he came over and belittled me. Sometimes saying nothing is just as bad as saying something harsh.

How many times in our lives can we look back on a situation in which we risked our reputation, or career, or efforts, all for a result that we didn't get? Did you receive encouragement from the leaders in your life for the attempt, or were you discouraged for your efforts? I truly believe the feedback you receive from the leaders in your life plays such a crucial role at that moment of failure.

It's imperative to have a leader who picks you up, reinforces your beliefs and attitude and commends your efforts; you need someone who sets in motion a positive path for you to continue to take risks, climb new heights and expand your horizons. A leader who does the opposite, who reacts negatively or does nothing and is passive towards your attempts at success sets in motion a path of descent. That negative or passive reaction doesn't encourage thinking outside the box or taking calculated risks, but rather the opposite. That particular path can lead to passivity and complacency, which is a death trap at the end of the road.

So, I want to challenge you. If you are in a leadership position, I want to challenge you to engage and support those in your inner circle, especially during times of risk and times of failure. Maybe it's an employee, or a child, or your neighbor who needs an extra boost of confidence as he or she explores a path that is unfamiliar and a bit risky. I challenge you to be someone that person can trust and lean on, as you just may be the kick start needed to get that person on a positive path to accomplishing something great.

I will never forget the encouragement that I received that day from my coach. Although I failed, his response set in motion attitudes and actions to break through barriers down the road that might have kept me from achieving my goals. In fact, by the time I left the University of North Texas, I was fortunate enough to have set the power clean record, the bench press record and the incline press record. I set the bench press record during the summer between my junior and senior year in college...