THE OBSERVATION MINDSET

Amos Bronson Alcott, father of author Louisa May Alcott, and a visionary leader in educational reform, once said: "Observation more than books and experience more than persons, are the prime educators."

It is well documented that children learn best in a safe and loving environment. It may not look like the one you imagine, but it can still provide the nurturing environment and relationships that help children develop into adults with great values and behavior. Children learn by observing and copying the people they love; people who are warm and nurturing, and/or the people who are important to them, like authority figures (in the family or the community).

Many times, children will observe the actions of adults without them knowing, and then they often imitate them. Further, if what these children saw has an emotional impact, it will stick inside their memory and later activate in their adult life, often without them even realizing the genesis of that emotional trigger.

In psychology, this is called observational learning. It's also called shaping, and modeling. It's being taught through the actions, behaviors, and beliefs of the people that the children love, those who care for them. It is not intentional. Children will learn this way naturally, without understanding or reasoning its impact on their lives.

This kind of learning will produce patterns in setting lifelong goals. Children will copy not only behaviors, but also values - ways to build relationships, roles in their communities, just like the ones that impacted them. It's a mixture of what they see, the explanations they receive, and the verbal language that will empower both the action and description.

Sometimes, children will copy behaviors of people of higher status, people they admire. The adults around them are the ones who will make the connection between what the children know, what they understand, and the new experience. They give it structure and context to make the experience rich and more impactful.

My Observation Learning

In the village in Liberia where I grew up, the elders pass on history through storytelling. This was also a major form of entertainment for the children, and I was no exception. I reveled in the regularly held storytelling circles. There I was, cradled in my mother's arms, eyes glowing with excitement, leaning forward to catch every word of the unique and always engaging tales.

These provided entertainment for hours along with their timeless wisdom. It was during these story-weaving sessions that I planted the first seeds of the observation mindset that I would use throughout my life.

Today, children are raised with information bombarding them daily. From TV, commercials, computers and cell phones, and information about the wide world around them - all of this creates continuous stimulation that leaves them little time to spend authentically observing, discovering, and proactively connecting in the world.

From this perspective, I was lucky. Poverty notwithstanding, the life in my village was simple, but it had a kind of serenity, with few unexpected surprises. Days passed by in the same manner, one after another. As a result, I had plenty of time to observe every little detail of my surroundings.

For instance, I learned through observation how to make my own toys and how to avoid all the risks and hazards encountered in my daily errands. Those errands included bringing fruits and woods back from the forest, and learning how to gather water from the creek while avoiding the wasps' nests and forest creatures.

Psychologists have demonstrated that, as adults, we are emotionally shaped by the tiny experiences and interactions we make in our first years of life. Like the great Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, "Give me a child until he is seven, and I will show you the man."

For me, the most vivid experience connected to those young years comes from my mother. She was the center of my little universe. My mother used to take me with her into the woods and to the river where she would wash our clothes. Or, we would walk between villages for days looking for traditional medicines when she or one of us children was sick.

On those long walks, she would talk to me and guide me in ways that would have a lasting impact on my life. Observing and absorbing her day-to-day wisdom, warmth, and soothing care enriched my life with a desire to look for deep, meaningful, authentic relationships. It's that simple. It's all about your exposure to stimuli from a caring parent or any person. Studies show that we tend to unknowingly be receptive to the same stimuli in our lives as we were exposed to in our early years.

Observing my mother, I became strong enough to go through whatever I encountered in life because of the love and the energy that she gave me unconditionally.

Now, looking back from my adult perspective, I see that in those first years I also learned a great deal about the rhythms of life, people, and commitment by observing how the elders of my village lived their lives and performed their daily tasks. All of these activities called for us as children to be very disciplined and focused on carefully watching in order to learn one or more crafts.

One thing I remember observing is how my parents prepared our farm for planting rice. Rice farming in the villages of Liberia was labor-intensive work that called for strong discipline from everyone in the village. The men did most of the farming. As a child, I observed every year how my father and the men of our village prepared the land at the beginning of the farming season.

This process began with the men manually brushing the land, cutting down the trees, burning the bushes, and clearing away the remains of the trees. All of this was done manually. When the land was prepared, both the women and men participated in planting the crops using homemade instruments, or by hand-sowing the rice seeds.

Before we boys participated in the farming process, we first observed our fathers and the other village men daily. By watching diligently, we not only learned the best farming procedures, but also absorbed the cultural values of this important process. Additionally, we all adopted a dedication to farming. For those who stayed, they committed to caring for the land to feed the men, women, and children, which was essential to everyone's well-being. Here, due to the observation mindset, those in my village kept their farming tradition intact.

Even as children, we played a very important role after the rice was grown. We were responsible for keeping the birds away from the rice fields. We did this by observing the birds from a distance. Our young eyes were able to spot a flock of possible rice-snatching birds much farther away than any of the adult men. As a result, using the self-made instruments we had on the farm, we were able to chase any destructive flock away before any damage might occur.

Our work of observing and scaring the birds away was a daily task, and very intense. Sometimes our mothers would join us when they were not so busy or were just taking a break from other activities on the farm.

Even though the experiences I learned from at a very young age in my village only registered unconsciously back then, they eventually served to build my strong values around family, friendship, teamwork, and commitment to something bigger than myself - the welfare and sustainability of my community, my village.

Learning by Observing Beyond My Birth Family

When I turned 10 years old, my mother decided to send me away to get an education to secure a better future for myself. Now, that I am a parent, I can only imagine what it must have meant for her to separate from me. I was her second and last child, and she gave me her all. It was because of her selfless act of love that my life changed forever, and I took a different path, one far better than the obligatory paths of my siblings.

My first adoptive father, Alphonso B. Gaye, was a businessman who managed his own private firm in Monrovia (about 160 miles from my village in Liberia). He worked in partnership with several multinational companies in Liberia. Later in his life, he worked for the government as the managing director of the National Port Authority of Liberia.

As an adopted child, I was essentially considered a servant to the family. This was an unspoken practice for underprivileged children. In return for care and education I received, I was expected at age ten to assume a variety of responsibilities that included cleaning, dishwashing, shopping, and learning how to cook.

I had to do all of these chores before and after school every day. But honestly, I never looked at myself as a servant. Rather, I looked at this new family as educators who could offer me more insights as to how to live a better life.

Because of the observation practices I picked up back in my home village, I now turned my attention to learning as much as I could about my adoptive father's business activities. I was keenly aware of the success his work brought him and his family, such as his numerous fancy cars, each branded with the initials of one or another of his children on their respective license plates. This was a major demonstration to me of what a businessman could achieve, if he was successful. I also took note of his style of dress, as well as the apparel of his many business associates.

Observing the details of his prosperity, his examples taught me. From the beginning of my stay with my new family I felt somehow strangely in my comfort zone. Even though my life away from home was far from agreeable, I knew I was fortunate.

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