CHAPTER 2. POSTURE AND BODY ORIENTATION

The way you sit and stand when interacting with others can communicate a great deal about you to them without you or them being conscious about it. If you somehow find that statement a bit vague, consider this: have you ever felt "suspicious" of someone who looks nice, talks nice, and smells nice? I mean despite the "nice" appearance, have you ever felt that deep inside, this actually may be a dubious character that's just trying to put one over you? If you have, then you may not have been aware of it, but you were actually able to pick up on his or her body language - particularly their body positions - on a subconscious level. Through their posture, you were also able to somehow pick up on what they're really about on a subconscious level and if you can master the art of using body language to your advantage, you can very easily make people trust you and be persuaded by you. Eventually, you can also succeed in your relationships and in your career or business life.

Let's take a look at some of the most common positions that contribute to your body language.

Sitting positions

A lot of people - maybe you included - aren't aware but the way we sit can tell others much about how we're feeling at the moment or even our current mood, as well as our personality. The way we sit can actually project a shy or insecure vibe or project a more confident, even aggressive one. Let's take a look at these sitting positions.

The Cross-Legged Position

For the most part, sitting with legs crossed projects a feeling of being carefree and open. Crossing the legs with knees spread to the side can actually give people the subconscious impression that physically, you're all game to take on new ideas, which can also be subconsciously perceived to mean that emotionally speaking, you're also open to some new things. Being open means you're a person that's fun and interesting to be with, which can actually make more people be drawn to you naturally.

The Erect Sitting Position

Without thinking much about it, it's also easy to see that a person who usually sits this way is a confident, reliable, and secure one and if you sit this way most of the time, regardless if consciously or unconsciously, people will think of you as such a person and this's a great thing to have, especially when it comes to doing business with others. This's because if people think you're actually reliable and secure, they'll more easily trust you to do business with you and don't get me started about how this can help you in your dating or love life.

The Reclined Sitting Position

Of all the sitting positions, this one's perhaps the one that can give you a Big Bang Theory vibe, i.e., an analytical one. Leaning back is a gesture that simply shows you're able to properly think about or observe situations without necessarily or hastily acting upon them. This also means you may be more objective than most other people being able to separate yourself enough from a situation to think about it first before taking action and from a relational perspective, this can give others the impression that you're a person who's very much aware of how others feel, which can also help you connect to people on a deeper level and easily earn their trust and loyalty.

Crossed Ankle Sitting Position

In most cases, sitting with ankles crossed simply gives others the impression that the person sitting in this position isn't only elegant and refined but is also humble and open-minded. Coupled with slightly open legs, this position conveys a feeling of being comfortable both under one's own skin and in the environment.

Clutching Armrests Sitting Position

Sitting stiffly and are practically clutching at the chair's armrests shows awareness of and sensitivity to one's surroundings and by clutching on armrests, the seated person comes across to most other people as emotionally and physically unsure because of the need to clutch on to the chair's armrests for stability most of the time.

But merely using the armrests by resting your arms on them instead of actually clutching to them can also give a much different impression - an opposite one in fact. Doing so can communicate that you're a stable person - emotionally, physically, and mentally - so much so that people are predisposed to depending on you for their own emotional and intellectual stability. You'll likely become their figurative armrests.

Crossed Arm Sitting Position

Often times crossed arms are often perceived as indicators of confidence, defensiveness, and strength. But it can also be taken as an indicator of being closed to new ideas or being protective of one's self, with arms crossed in front of the body being taken to mean as protection of one's body from the rest of the world. Either way, a crossed arm sitting position is actually a body language that says a person is neither open nor weak.

Sidesaddle Sitting Position

If you're a lady, then this one's for you specifically. The amazing sidesaddle sitting position is one where you sit with your knees to the side. This type of sitting position basically communicates a naturally sweet, caring, and delicate personality and oh...it can also communicate a personality that's a wee bit flirtatious. So choose wisely to whom you'll show this particular body position and when you point your knees and chest to the other person, it can be subconsciously taken as being available and open to something new, i.e., a possible relationship.

Hands on Lap Sitting Position

When your hands are on your thighs and are still, it can be construed as a sign that you're a thoughtful and shy person. Also, you can come across as a calm and collected person if you're actually able to keep your hands still while sitting down.

Dead Center Sitting Position

Sitting smack in the center of a couch, bench, or even table communicates to others that you're a totally confident person. Why? It's because people who aren't confident, i.e., insecure or even tentative, tend to worry about where to sit down - they practically fuss over where they should sit and sitting in the center is very uncomfortable for most of them. So by sitting in the middle, it essentially communicates to others that you're not afraid of being in the center of attention and that you can choose to sit anywhere you want to and by subtly communicating to others that you're confident, you can also come across and friendly and bold, which can make it easier for you to establish rapport with others, which's a crucial skill for business.

Legs on Chair Arm Sitting Position

This's a sitting position that's mostly taken by men as it also makes use of the spread legs position. This sitting position is also one where a person stakes his ownership of the chair and communicates an aggressive and informal attitude.

While it's not unusual to see this sitting position among two friends who're whiling time away joking and laughing with each other, it's not appropriate for other, more serious situations. For example, you're a boss and your subordinate comes to you after making a big mistake at work, which's totally ok with you. Say your subordinate felt really bad about the mistake and he sits in front of your table with head held low and hands on his knees - a submissive body language. Let's say after listening for a while to what your subordinate has to say, you quickly adopt a legs on chair arm position. By doing so, you've just subtly communicated to your subordinate that you don't give a rat's ass about how he's feeling and that he's wasting your time. It's as if you're telling him you're tired of the same old story. Through this position, you're actually coming off as aggressively dismissing your subordinate's feelings.

Now maybe the reason you're dismissing your subordinate's feelings is actually a very good one: that you don't think he's done anything seriously wrong and that he shouldn't feel that bad about his mistake. Now even if you verbally communicate that, remember how powerful body language can be when it comes to communicating with others - about how it's more powerful than verbal communications? Therefore, even if you meant well and really wanted to encourage him, your body language, i.e., the legs-on-the-chair-arm position, essentially communicates a vastly different message; one that aggressively says you're not interested in how he feels and that he's just wasting your time.

On your end, you should actually avoid this body language at all costs, save for informal interactions with people who you already have deep relationships with. Now if you use this in a business setting, chances are high that you'll perhaps just piss off your counterparties and substantially lower your chances of being able to successfully discuss or negotiate with them and persuade them to side with you.

If during a business or even professional meeting, the other person takes this stance, it's a sign that this person thinks lowly of you and believes he can get away with everything with you. That's unless you respond accordingly. How can you do so without actually coming across as angry or disruptive?

You can make a light and funny but indirect attempt to tell him that you noticed he's doing that posture and that it's not appropriate. For example, you can perhaps half-jokingly tell him that his pants have split between his legs or even putting something just in front of him at a distance that'd require him to break the position and ask him to look at that thing. If he returns to the position, just continue breaking it in a subtle and if possible, a funny way.

The Chair Straddling Sitting Position

Ages ago,...