Fired!
Description
This book is a collection of hilarious but true tales from people who've all gotten the ax, the boot, or been canned at some point in their lives. In "That's a Fact," Andy Borowitz tells the story of being fired as a writer for the television sitcom The Facts of Life after being informed that he just didn't "get" Tootie. "Take that hanger off your head, you idiot!" were the last words Jeff Garlin heard before being fired from Spec's Music store after only one day on the job, just one of the many firings he recounts in "That Garlin Boy." In "Jimmy the Idiot," Dana Gould sums up his firing from the cast of the sitcom Working that led him to become a producer of The Simpsons: "In the second episode, I was a math genius, in the third -- a motocross racer, and in the fourth episode I was replaced by a chimp, but nobody noticed." In "Poor Judgment," Illeana Douglas tells about being fired after a few hours of working as a coat check girl: "How is it possible to be fired from hanging coats? I have arms. I know what coats are. I don't come home and throw my coat on the floor. I hang it in a closet. I have experience." How did Bob Saget find out he was being phased out of his job on The Morning Program? "One day I showed up and my hosting chair was gone!"
With an all-star cast from Tim Allen to Morgan Spurlock, from Anne Meara to David Cross, and contributions from people from all over the country, this book proves it's not the bounce that counts, it's the bounce back.
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Content
Introduction
Who Came Up with the Phrase "You're fired"?
Chapter 1: The Job So Terrible You Can Only Hope to Be Fired
That's a Fact by Andy Borowitz
The Big Red Shoe Diaries by Paul Feig
Bimmy in Training by Larry Charles
The Snuggery by Eric Gilliland
Bruce Cameron Remodels Your Redundancy
Don't Call Me, I'll Call You by Judy Gold
Poor Judgment by Illeana Douglas
Number One Pooper-Scooper by Robert Reich
Nesting by Jessica van der Valk
When Children Fire You by Ian Gomez
Chapter 2: The Firing You Didn't See Coming
The Little Fuck That Could by Sandra Tsing Loh
Extra! Extra! by Brian Unger
Schadenfreude by Anne Meara
Sent to Cyberia by Lori Gottlieb
Harry Shearer Minds His Credibility Gap
Fired by the Queen and Dumped by Trump by Joyce Beber
Felicity Huffman on Popping Your Cherry
Dead Man Working by Jason Kravits
The Do-Bee by Martha McCully
David Cross Might Just Be Too Big
Mauve by Jack Merrill
Fried by Hillary Carlip
One of Them Stories by Tate Donovan
Steak Today by Wildman Weiner
Substandard Performance by Anonymous
Dahling, It's Eva Gabor by Glenn Rosenblum
Chapter 3: The Time You Deserved to Be Fired
Video, Video by Paul F. Tompkins
Short Ends by Jonathan Groff
Crimes and Mythdemeanors by Annabelle Gurwitch
That Garlin Boy: An Interview with Jeff Garlin
Right On! by Jill Soloway
Friendless by Fisher Stevens
Bill Maher: Warm Body Telling Jokes
The Postman Never Rings Twice by Richard Colburn
Ba-looney Tunes by Matt Walsh
Grrl Genius Gets Canned by Cathryn Michon
All Those Parts by Shirley Gurwitch
Chapter 4: The Time Getting Fired Leads You to Something Better
Patricia Heaton Hopes You Enjoy Your Stay
Jimmy the Idiot by Dana Gould
The World's Worst Waiter by Jeff Kahn
I'll Knock Your Block Off by Andy Dick
Bob Saget Doesn't Sit Here Anymore
Can You Get Fired If You Aren't Being Paid? by Morgan Spurlock
I Was the Master by Tim Allen
Madison Scare Garden by Elizabeth Warner
D. L. Hughley: Lot and Lobby to Late Night
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service by Maxine Lapiduss
But We'd Love to Work with You Again by Judd Apatow
Shock and Remorse by Lilly Anderson
Chapter 5 The Time You Had to Fire Yourself
A Thoroughly Modern Firing by Tonya Pinkins
Remembrance of Porn Past by Scott Carter
Last Shift at the Fetish Deli by Mark Haskell Smith
Attractive in a Bad Way by Rob Cohen
Cappi's Pizza and Sangweech Shop by Carl Capotorto
No More Rain Days by Janet M. Lorenz
Recipe for the Recently Redundant by Walter Scheib
The Fired Song by Roy Zimmerman
The Letter You Wish You'd Sent to Your Boss! Now You Can!
Notes
Acknowledgments
