
The Book of Pslams
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3,000 years ago, King David wrote The Book of Psalms?hymns in praise of God that became famous worldwide. Now, with humanity on the verge of a self-generated catastrophe, God (with the help of another David) has decided to return, and reverse, the favor.
God has collected a cornucopia of insults of the human race in the form of prose, poetry, and parody. From topics as diverse as COVID-19, Trump, racism, abortion, meth, math, and on a lighter note, the platypus, God provides a 21st-century spin on life's many problems. And he's not alone: his son Jesus Christ has contributed thirty sermons of his own, updating some of his Biblical teachings for the modern audience. Even the Holy Ghost stops by to make sure you don't forget him. Anybody who's a fan @TheTweetofGod and/or NOT a fan of the human race is sure to love The Book of Pslams.
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Content
- Intro
- Title Page
- Dedication
- Foreword
- Chapter 1: Opening Psalvos
- Pslam 1: Just the Worst
- Pslam 2: Come
- Pslam 3: The Holy Ghostwriter
- Pslam 4: Only One
- Pslam 5: The Thrill
- Pslam 6: Love Your Enemies
- Pslam 7: Christ's in the Cradle
- Pslam 8: Forsaken
- Pslam 9: WWID?
- Pslam 10: Die! Decline!
- Pslam 11: North Sentinel Island
- Chapter 2: Pspirituality
- Pslam 12: Born Again
- Pslam 13: John 3:16
- Pslam 14: Prayer 101
- Pslam 15: Requests
- Pslam 16: Treasure in Heaven
- Pslam 17: Joel Osteen
- Pslam 18: The Hate Prayer of Franklin Graham
- Pslam 19: The Timidity Prayer
- Pslam 20: Monopolytheism
- Pslam 21: Clickbait
- Pslam 22: The Quran
- Pslam 23: 'Dayenu!'
- Pslam 24: The Monsignor
- Pslam 25: Saintliness
- Pslam 26: Evolution vs. Creationism
- Pslam 27: Raca
- Pslam 28: Afflictus
- Pslam 29: The Meaning of Life
- Chapter 3: Church and Pstate
- Pslam 30: He Pandered Only to a Crowd
- Pslam 31: Him
- Pslam 32: Affliction
- Pslam 33: "God-Given Rights"
- Pslam 34: A Hundred Sheep
- Pslam 35: I Blessed America
- Pslam 36: I Saved Your Queen
- Pslam 37: O Canada!
- Pslam 38: The Parable of the Forester
- Pslam 39: Conspiracy Theories
- Pslam 40: Constitutional Amendments XXVIII-XL
- Pslam 41: Truth
- Pslam 42: The Bad Attitudes
- Pslam 43: Orange Candyass
- Chapter 4: Psemantics
- Pslam 44: First Drafts
- Pslam 45: Parts of Speech
- Pslam 46: Guest Acrostic
- Pslam 47: Pslam 47
- Pslam 48: A Short One
- Pslam 49: Clichés
- Pslam 50: Low-Hanging Fruits
- Pslam 51: Speaking in Tongues
- Pslam 52: The Zuckerberg Address
- Pslam 53: Solemnly Swearing
- Pslam 54: Knocketh Knocketh
- Pslam 55: One-Versers
- Chapter 5: Pspecifics
- Pslam 56: Extraterrestrials
- Pslam 57: Mars
- Pslam 58: The Platypus
- Pslam 59: Natural Disasters
- Pslam 60: Math
- Pslam 61: Meth
- Pslam 62: Alternate Universes
- Pslam 63: Marvel
- Pslam 64: Europa
- Pslam 65: Dogs
- Chapter 6: Health and Psexuality
- Pslam 66: Shopping for Goods on a COVID Evening
- Pslam 67: COVID Masks
- Pslam 68: Sneezing
- Pslam 69: Oh, Why Bother?
- Pslam 70: Masturbation
- Pslam 71: Lust in Thy Heart
- Pslam 72: Fishers of Men
- Pslam 73: Cleanliness
- Pslam 74: Meat
- Chapter 7: Contemporary Psociety
- Pslam 75: Just the Best
- Pslam 76: #TheeToo
- Pslam 77: Amazing Race
- Pslam 78: Cancel Culture
- Pslam 79: I Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen
- Pslam 80: Many Are Called
- Pslam 81: 'Titanic'
- Pslam 82: Take Me Out of Your Ball Game
- Pslam 83: The Point Spread
- Pslam 84: Still I Rose
- Chapter 8: The End
- Pslam 85: Intervention
- Pslam 86: Fire
- Pslam 87: Taiga, Taiga
- Pslam 88: Fair Use
- Pslam 89: Animal Rescue
- Pslam 90: Noomaraa Is an Island
- Pslam 91: Eloi Eloi Lama Sabachthani?
- Pslam 92: Because You Would Not Stop for Earth
- Pslam 93: Nigh
- Pslam 94: The Meteor
- Pslam 95: Do Not Go Mental That the End's in Sight
- Pslam 96: In My Image
- Pslam 97: Godbye
- Acknowledgments
- About the Authors
- Index
- Copyright
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