Introduction
Perfect: Feeling judged on social media

I don't want to see these perfect people. It just makes me feel rubbish. And I know if I see too many images, it makes me question myself . Yes it just feels like this image I've been fed into my head of what it is to be perfect. It's probably the single biggest thing that makes me miserable. (Elizabeth, 23)

Introduction

Elizabeth was 23 at the time I interviewed her. She had just finished Medical School, and, like many other health professionals, had been asked to start work immediately, even before graduating, because of the crisis wrought by the pandemic. On the sunny afternoon when we spoke, she was preparing to start work as a junior doctor in the Accident and Emergency department of a large hospital in the north of England. Despite her understandable trepidation, she seemed happy, relaxed and pleased to be doing something that she hoped would 'make a difference'. Our conversation ranged over many topics besides her imminent new job: she spoke of her love of cycling, her passion for cooking, her involvement in climate change activism - and of course her social media. Her socials had helped her during the pandemic, she said:

It is actually just so weird when I think of it, but it does make me feel better and it makes me feel nice at this time, during this lockdown period where I haven't really seen my friends, just to be like, oh, people are still seeing me, like I've got a nice photo or whatever . I do find myself just looking and looking at it [social media].

Just a few minutes later, however, this positive evaluation seemed to have evaporated. Elizabeth had a catch in her voice as she told me how painful and difficult she finds things on social media - above all, the beauty standards, the conformity to stereotypes and the pressure to post a perfect life:

It has made me miserable for so long, and it makes me feel really angry because I haven't chosen these stereotypes. I feel like they've been fed to me. And I think it's, yes, because you're just presented all the time with pretty much a replica of what it looks like to be perfect, and then variations of that perfect.

It made her feel 'rubbish', she said. She felt 'upset' and 'like other people are going to judge me'. Elizabeth was choking back tears as she explained how trapped she feels, and also how complicit she believes she is in perpetuating images and values she herself rejects. 'I haven't chosen this', she kept telling me, hitting the side of her head as if to dislodge something toxic, 'but I feel like the damage is already done . it gets inside you . and . the worst thing is . I know that I judge other people too.'

Elizabeth's experience is far from unique. This short extract from our interview vividly expresses many of the themes this book addresses: the profound ambivalence about social media that many young women described as a 'love-hate relationship'; the painful tyranny of perfect images and how low and depressed they can make you feel; the pervasive anxiety about being judged by others, particularly friends and peers; the anger and eloquent criticism that many expressed about the beauty industry, and about the erasure and exclusion to which they are subject; and, despite this articulate analysis and critique, the sense of being caught or trapped in social media lives they have not chosen. In this introductory chapter, I set out briefly the themes and arguments of the book, already touched upon in the preface. Next, I discuss the particularities of the context in which I conducted this research. I then set out the principles on which this research is based which foreground listening to young people, valuing diversity, thinking intersectionally and writing accessibly. Finally, I outline the structure of the book.

Themes and arguments

Picture perfect: the power of images

Compared with previous generations, today's young women live in a world where visual images of women's bodies are ubiquitous in media, public space and especially online. With 3.2 billion photographs posted every single day, the power of images was something young women talked about a lot. The phrase 'it's all too perfect' is one I heard repeatedly from participants in this research. Media of all kinds, but particularly social media platforms, were seen as trafficking in images of perfection that are 'unrealistic' and 'unattainable', and that contribute to a pervasive sense of never being good enough. 'I don't look like that, I'll never look like that', 27-year-old Letitia told me, capturing a widely held view. 'I see all these perfect bodies in bikinis and it makes me feel really low'. Others said they feel 'ashamed', 'overwhelmed' and 'like a failure'.

Young women are eloquent in their critiques of 'perfect' images, and their rage is palpable. As one woman wrote in the survey: 'we are constantly being told we are not thin enough, not pretty enough, too many spots, not enough boob, not enough bum, too bigger thighs . it goes on and on'.1 They are skilful at deconstructing photographs, whether that is to question the authenticity of the picture (e.g. filtered, edited, botoxed) or to challenge the norms it represents (e.g. whiteness, slimness, upper-class aesthetics). But, as Elizabeth explained, they still feel 'trapped' by the pressure somehow to live up to these images: that is, their anger at the injustice of this pressure does not nullify its impact; they are struggling, they are critical but caught. Instead, in their posts, they strive to present their own version of the perfect, which many described (deceptively simply) as a 'nice photo' - one that is characterized by a beautiful yet natural and apparently effortless appearance, with pictures that should look 'amazing' but spontaneous, and not appear to have been (unduly) filtered or edited.

Posting your best (perfect) life

An ideal post is not only picture perfect, but should also display coolness, fun and popularity. It must be carefully curated but not look as if it is the result of any particular care or design. It means being in the right locations with the right people, with good-looking 'instagrammable' food and drinks, and an always 'positive' disposition - no matter how they actually feel. The perfect, then, is not only about appearance but also about displaying the 'right' kinds of feelings and attitudes, through pictures but also through humorous, self-deprecating and relatable2 captions and stories. Time and again young women told me that they struggle with what they experience as the impossible demands to be 'perfect' and yet also to be 'real'.

Being watched

Paralleling the pressures to post images of a perfect life was the experience of being watched, which I heard about again and again from young women. They felt watched and evaluated in public space, both on- and offline, as well as in venues such as bars and clubs. This could occasionally be a pleasurable experience, but for many young women it was unpleasant and stressful - they talked about being 'stared at' and described feelings that ranged from embarrassment to fear. For those whose social media settings were public, this also meant regularly being subject to unwanted attention, lascivious or nasty comments, and unsolicited 'dickpics'. Indeed, the routineness of this harassment - and the extent to which it was dismissed as 'just creeps', 'weirdos' or 'some random guy' - was shocking to me as a researcher, precisely because so many women took it to be such a mundane feature of their lives that it apparently hardly merited discussion.3 Being trolled and publicly put down or shamed was, by contrast, experienced as deeply distressing.

Feeling judged

A different form of being watched was that experienced among friends and peers. Young women repeatedly expressed the sense of being under surveillance in a way that was both evaluative and forensic. Most young people expected their photos to be subject to a critical scrutiny that could border on hostility. In fact, one of the experiences discussed most frequently in the interviews was that of feeling judged by others - perhaps especially by friends who might reasonably be expected to have warm and affectionate feelings towards them. They told me how easily comments could be misinterpreted on their socials, and friendships go awry. Being 'talked about' negatively was obviously an upsetting experience, and young women discussed the particular dynamics of this, which could involve an Instagram image being screenshotted and then viciously dissected in a private WhatsApp or Snapchat group. As 21-year-old, white, animal welfare officer India put it 'Honestly, it's awful. Every single thing anyone does is judged . Even if you're just being yourself - and people are all for being yourself - they're still going to judge you anyway.'

New ways of...