
Varying Degrees of Hopelessness
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'Funny and furious ... Lucy Ellmann is clever, and very angry' The Times
In an eminent London art institute - the Catafalque - Our Heroine Isabel (she of the obsessional habits, perpetual virginity and peculiar belly button) sit in wistful contemplation of Chardin's brushstrokes and the virile red socks of passing lecturers.
Isabel's wholly imaginary love life (based on the romantic notions of authoress Babs Cartwheel) bears little resemblance to that of her flatmate Pol, who prefers to grip reality by the balls.
Enter Robert, victim of an American childhood, kitsch memorabilia, academic rivalry, Pol's belly-dancing and Isabel's mute adoration. Can he be perverse enough not to despair?
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Content
- Cover
- Title Page
- Dedication
- Epigraph
- Contents
- The Catafalque
- Our Heroine
- The 31-year-old Woman Falls in Love
- The 31-year-old Woman Makes a Salad
- Our Heroine's Mother Makes an Entrance
- Our Heroine's Step-Father and His Fateful Influence
- Art Historical Romance
- Various Objectionable Bits of Our Heroine's Body
- Our Heroine in Jeans
- Our Heroine's Strict Notions of Propriety
- The 31-year-old Woman's Attitude to Relationships
- The Letter 'Q'
- Prancing
- Pol's Mother
- The Seminar
- Pol on Men
- Pol on Women
- Pol Transported
- The Tunnel of Love
- Pol's Job
- Encounters with Cragshaw
- The Rescue of Isabella
- Our Heroine's New Life
- Pol on Nuts
- One Summer Evening
- The 32-year-old Woman Walks Home
- Our Hero at Last
- Our Hero's Mother
- Our Hero's Mother Again
- Our Hero's Education
- Our Hero's Hamsters
- Our Hero's Sister Sandy
- Our Hero's Adolescence
- Our Hero's Job
- The Splendid Young Man's Proposal
- The Splendid Young Man's Actual Written Proposal
- The Splendid Young Man and His Tennis Court
- Pol's Plan
- The 32-year-old Woman's Inviolable Heterosexuality
- Bad Eyesight
- My Hands on the Wall
- Splutters to the Rescue
- In Pol's Drawers
- The 33-year-old Woman's Selflessness
- Still Life with Cragshaw
- Our Heroine Makes Some Suppositions
- Their First Date
- Pregnant!
- The Lotus Position
- The 33-year-old Woman's Unsuccessful Talk
- Paris in the Spring: I
- Paris in the Spring: II
- Paris in the Spring: III
- Paris in the Spring: IV
- Paris in the Spring: V
- 'Foetal Heart Heard'
- Paris in the Spring: VI
- Exit Robert, Pursued by a Bear
- Shit!
- Our Hero Regresses
- Our Hero Feels Inspired
- Gail's Mother
- 6,000-mile Abyss
- Bananas
- Playboy of the Western World
- Longing for a Man
- Romp in a Hotel
- Splutters' Nanny
- A Decline in Relations
- Our Hero's Job
- Contrary to Public Belief
- Hot Potatoes
- Important Advice
- Our Hero's Sister Sandy
- Sofas
- Disgust
- Out and About
- A Barren World
- The Happy Ending
- The 34-year-old Woman in Limbo
- Our Heroine's End
- 'Donuts Ex Machina'
- Personal Space
- Yet Another Ending (In Which Nobody Dies )
- The Beginning of the End
- A Note on the Author
- By the Same Author
- eCopyright
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