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Personal value
Identifying your how, why, do and who

My deep fascination with the nature of people began while working for Contiki Holidays as a leader and Training & Development Manager across Europe. I often joke that it was the best live laboratory one could wish for! Akin, somewhat, to being inside a 13-metre-long petri dish reality experiment of human behaviour, made more fascinating by the dynamics of individuality and environment playing out.

Imagine it. You have a group of 50 young adults, aged between 18 and 35, from every corner of the globe. Already you have a melting pot of cultures, people brought up with different influences (family and country two of these) as a starting point. Add to this a variety of professions, attitudes and of course what we're beginning to explore here, personality types. It's the perfect forum for observing people and mastering skills relative to human behaviour. If you're paying attention that is! All guests were encouraged to complete a feedback form at the end of their tour - in fact it was imperative. The corporate office held high expectations of consistently great feedback. If road crew received unfavourable feedback they'd be at risk of having their contract payment docked.

In fact so much was the pressure that at one point there was a 'black market' for blank feedback forms. Some tour leaders may, if they felt members of their group had given them an unruly slating, be inclined to 'doctor' a new version.

I never saw the point in doctoring or amending those forms. I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. I've never been. It's better to be open to learning from perceptions from others rather than run or hide. That said, I also understand why some peers might be tempted.

Yet even within an environment that provided every individual the rich rewards and valuable experiences we associate with exploring cultures, some people were never happy. Then, when asked for written feedback, all they could muster up was negative, often mundane, complaints: hotel rooms were too small; music choices on long journeys were crap; or any number of fairly minor criticisms. They might also attack the decisions or behaviour of their road crew (sometimes with just cause) often times without full consideration. When you're leading groups of people, including 50 tourists, around multiple countries with so many considerations of logistics, risk, compliance and personalities, it's impossible to appease or please everyone all the time.

I recall after one of my first tours several people wrote similar feedback. Something along the lines of 'Mark's a great guy, but he shows favouritism'.

When asked about it by the office, I reflected and pondered a better question. What was I doing that made some people think or feel I was showing favouritism? The answer struck me like a lightning bolt. I'm naturally an outgoing, energetic person, drawn to banter and fun. Back then, with the hindrance of youth and far less wisdom, even more so! So, doing the rounds on those longer travel days, with hours spent on the coach, I'd find myself talking longer with people like me: somewhat extroverted, a little cheeky and playful. I may not have been spending as long or been as boisterous or bold with the reserved passengers, who were naturally a little more quiet despite attempts to encourage them from their shells. In my mind, giving them a little peace was meant respectfully so as not to disturb them. They were interpreting this as preferential treatment.

I subsequently learned to pre-empt this situation. I'd call it out on the first day of my tours. After learning everyone's names I'd let them know they all had access to my available time equally. All they needed to do was ask. I never had feedback about showing favouritism again.

Personal value in a nutshell

Within the realm of personal value we can identify four layers:

1. Preference: how we function
2. Motivation: finding your why
3. Intelligence - IQ & EQ: your ability to do
4. Everything else: who am I?

Let's discover the intricacies of each of these personal value layers so that you can leverage your strengths, identify your motivation, apply EQ with an open mindset and look for clues in others.

1. Preference: how we function

My 'aha' moment at Contiki is one simple example amid thousands concerning the dynamics of how people prefer to function. Working in that environment for years, I built my own playbook for behavioural sciences for the purpose of harmonising groups, resolving conflict, selling excursions and even problem solving some pretty significant or severe crises. Later, when undertaking multiple accreditations and qualifications, I found the courses instantly recognisable.

The initial surface of personal value perception to peel back is the outer one we see and interact with - it's simply how people prefer to function. When you're attentive, you start to see clues to the mix of people's preferences.

Profiling tools are not designed to put people in boxes or give them labels. And no single one explains the sophistication or complexity of individuality. What they are great for is to begin to hone in on clues. No-one lives in a single area, a single label. You may find some resonate more strongly than others or notice certain traits more clearly than others in the people around you. These help indicate some of the tendencies or preferences of how we like to function. They also have an impact on the worldly perception of value or worth.

American psychologist, lawyer and inventor William Moulton Marston published a paper in 1928 entitled 'Emotions of normal people', in which he proposed that human behaviour was, in part, influenced by whether what the person perceived of their environment was favourable or not. He observed a strong connection between emotion and blood pressure and is credited with inventing systolic blood pressure testing, an integral component of the polygraph lie-detector tests. There have been suggestions his work was based on lessons from his wife Elizabeth. He noted that 'when she got mad or excited, her blood pressure seemed to climb'.

In his paper, Marston laid out theories and concepts that became the basis of DISC theory, which comprises a set of profiling tools that categorise people according to four personality types:

• Dominance produces activity in an antagonistic environment: dominant people are results driven individuals who may be perceived by others as ambitious, driving and decisive.
• Influence produces activity in a favourable environment: influencers are outgoing, warm, expressive individuals who have a tendency to give trust more openly.
• Steadiness produces passivity in a favourable environment: steady people value consistency and prefer quality over quantity. They're naturally more patient, predictable, empathetic and are good listeners.
• Compliance produces passivity in an antagonistic environment: compliant people appreciate the provision of procedures, constraints, rules and a standard playbook of regulations. They tend to be detailed, precise, careful and systematic.

What to do with the how

We have a tendency to act out and display our preferences in everything we do. Let's take something as simple as organising a picnic.

Some among us (let's go high Influence preference) when planning that outing will tend to leave things to the last minute. They'd be less aware of holidays that might interfere with such plans. You're more likely to receive an invite days out or spontaneously far closer to time rather than a month in advance. They'll invite whoever springs to mind, unaware or oblivious as to whether riffs among groups of friends might prove disruptive on the day. They'll choose a fun location and aren't really thinking about where every individual may be coming from. You'll be asked to bring food, drinks and perhaps some games. On the day they'll arrive enthusiastic, even if a little late and disorganised, for their own event.

Others among us who are their friends (let's go high Compliance preference) will receive the aforementioned invitation and have an initial reaction of WTF! Or they may have a slight panic attack, a minor bout of anxiety, on behalf of their organising friend. You'll know these souls because they're the ones who kindly phone or write back with the tagline 'Mark, thanks for the invite. I'm sure it will be fun. I've just got a few questions'. Questions along the lines of: Where exactly are we meeting in that grassy area in the park? What if it's raining? You do know that Oliver and Lisa aren't talking right now, so maybe not such a good idea to have them both there until they patch things up? By the way Mark, what should I, or anyone else bring? If we don't write a list we're likely to end up with multiple chickens and not enough salads, surely, aren't we? Oh, one last thing Mark, I know you don't have children but next time you may want to consider doing this a month or so later when the school holidays are on. This will be far easier for many of us.

In a...