Revising Eternity
27 Latter-day Saint Men Reflect on Modern Relationships
Published on 10. May 2022
Book
Paperback/Softback
272 pages
978-0-252-08642-7 (ISBN)
Description
Marriage's central role in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints distinguishes the faith while simultaneously reflecting widespread American beliefs. But what does Latter-day Saint marriage mean for men? Holly Welker presents a collection of essays exploring this question. The essayists provide insight into challenges involving sexuality, physical and emotional illness, addiction, loss of faith, infidelity, sexual orientation, and other topics. Conversational and heartfelt, the writings reveal the varied experiences of Latter-day Saint marriage against the backdrop of a society transformed by everything from economic issues affecting marriage to evolving ideas about gender. An insightful exploration of the gap between human realities and engrained ideals, Revising Eternity sheds light on how Latter-day Saint men view and experience marriage today.
Reviews / Votes
"Revising Eternity indeed revises any misguided notions we might have of uniformity in the Latter-day Saint experience, boldly and candidly opening to view the sometimes intense, sometimes joyous, sometimes sorrowful lives of a wide variety of writers, and with its myriad perspectives the book invites us to more deeply know and thus achieve greater empathy with one another."--Patrick Madden, author of Disparates: Essays "This is a fascinating compilation, detailing as it does what happens when an exigent definition of righteousness and propriety meets the reality of human nature--a work at once sad, sobering, heartening, and above all enlightening. Highly recommended."--Levi S. Peterson, author of A Rascal by Nature, a Christian by Yearning: A Mormon AutobiographyMore details
Edition
New edition
Language
English
Place of publication
Baltimore
United States
Target group
Professional and scholarly
Edition type
New edition
Product notice
Paperback (trade)
Unsewn / adhesive bound
Illustrations
10 black & white photographs
Dimensions
Height: 232 mm
Width: 154 mm
Thickness: 20 mm
Weight
408 gr
ISBN-13
978-0-252-08642-7 (9780252086427)
Copyright in bibliographic data and cover images is held by Nielsen Book Services Limited or by the publishers or by their respective licensors: all rights reserved.
Schweitzer Classification
Other editions
Additional editions
E-Book
05/2022
University of Illinois Press
€18.49
Available for download
Persons
Holly Welker is an award-winning poet and essayist and the editor of Baring Witness: 36 Mormon Women Talk Candidly about Love, Sex, and Marriage. Her work has appeared in dozens of publications, including Best American Essays, The Iowa Review, Slate, and the New York Times.
Content
Foreword: Mormon American Masculinities, Ideal and Actual Patrick Q. Mason xi
Acknowledgments xv
Introduction: Personal, Contingent, and Incomplete Views on Eternal Marriage Holly Welker 1
Part I. Revised Expectations
Transgressors Stephen Carter 19
A husband considers the ways his happy
marriage violates the ideal praised by the
Proclamation on the Family
By the Drinking Fountain Eric Robeck 25
A couple's relationship seems like a Latter-day
fairy tale-until he loses his faith
My One and Only Clyde Kunz 31
A gay man considers the way Latter-day Saints'
expectations for straight marriage affect his own
search for a relationship
There's Something about Mary Kim Siever 37
A husband learns to love his wife more deeply by
studying the example of her love for him
For Jess, after Eighteen Years of Marriage: Seven Fragments on Love; Or, Some Things I Carry Tyler Chadwick 42
In a love letter to his wife, a husband lists some
of the familiar mysteries he cherishes in their
marriage
An Apology I've Been Working on for a While Joey Franklin 44
A husband reflects on the division of labor in
his marriage and how it affects his and his wife's
senses of self
Never Good Enough Michael Carpenter 52
A lifetime of failing to meet Latter-day Saint
ideals exacts a tragic cost
Mormon AF Nicholas Don Smith 58
A stand-up comic from American Fork, Utah,
reflects on what it means to be Mormon and
single
Liken the Scriptures Andrew Spriggs 63
A young husband realizes that his gay marriage
is the most Mormon thing about his life
The Care Package Kevin Barnwell 71
A husband who has left the church works to find
the perfect anniversary gift for his still devout wife
Part II. Sex and Its Consequences
Fertility Theric Jepson 77
After the birth of their fourth child, a husband
undergoes a vasectomy to spare his wife any
more worry about fertility
Opposites Robert Raleigh 82
Newlyweds discover that their intense physical
attraction is not a strong enough basis for a
happy marriage-or even a satisfying sex life
Eternity in an Hour Boyd Jay Petersen 92
On the eve of a trip abroad, a husband learns
that his wife of thirty-three years is gay, after
which they negotiate a respectful separation
Pie Month Scott Russell Morris 105
A young couple agrees to eat pie every day during
the month of March 2014 while they also try to
conceive a child
The Highest T. Kay Browning 119
A young man determined to marry early learns
to be the man of integrity his marriage requires
of him, especially as he reckons with what the
#MeToo movement means for men
Being Jane John Doe 129
A bisexual cross-dresser and his wife learn to
have a mutually fulfilling sex life while honoring
their temple covenants to one another
Soul Mates Scott Blanding 133
A gay man and a straight woman navigate a
marriage both believe they committed to before birth
Hiding in Plain Sight David Nicolay 141
A husband's ability to connect to his wife is
undermined by decades of sexual shame over
masturbation
7:06 A.M. Kelland Coleman 151
A lonely husband briefly attains the intimacy he
has longed for with his wife when she admits to
herself and to him that she is gay
Unsealed Dan Smith 160
A husband learns that trying to practice
polygamy to please his wife does not heal their
troubled marriage
Part III. In Sickness and in Health
Fear and Trepanation Ted Smith 171
A midlife crisis helps a husband understand
how valuable his marriage is, just before it is
threatened by a dire medical crisis
I'm Not Who I Thought You Married John B. Dahl 180
A young husband is forced to confront his own
misconceptions about mental illness when he is
diagnosed with depression-and discovers that
doing so strengthens instead of harms his marriage
Holding On and Letting Go Joseph Broom 190
After decades in a straight marriage, a gay man
discovers happiness with the love of his life-only
to lose him to cancer after a short marriage
Disability Check Caleb Scoville 198
A young man reckons with the way his bipolar
disease wreaks havoc on his marriage
The House of Infinite Regret Scot Denhalter 207
Addiction to prescription narcotics destroys a life,
a marriage, and a family
From Patriarchy to Matriarchy: A Marital and Spiritual Journey Thomas W Murphy 218
A young man from an abusive household vows to
create a family free of violence and coercion with
his wife, after which they learn about alternative
forms of strength and leadership-and about
aspects of their own backgrounds-when their
work leads them to Indigenous communities
The Marriage Bed: An Essay and Three Poems Robert A. Rees 231
A widower reflects on his happy marriage and
the joy of sharing a bed with his beloved
Glossary 239
Discussion Questions 243
Bibliography 245
Contributors 249
Acknowledgments xv
Introduction: Personal, Contingent, and Incomplete Views on Eternal Marriage Holly Welker 1
Part I. Revised Expectations
Transgressors Stephen Carter 19
A husband considers the ways his happy
marriage violates the ideal praised by the
Proclamation on the Family
By the Drinking Fountain Eric Robeck 25
A couple's relationship seems like a Latter-day
fairy tale-until he loses his faith
My One and Only Clyde Kunz 31
A gay man considers the way Latter-day Saints'
expectations for straight marriage affect his own
search for a relationship
There's Something about Mary Kim Siever 37
A husband learns to love his wife more deeply by
studying the example of her love for him
For Jess, after Eighteen Years of Marriage: Seven Fragments on Love; Or, Some Things I Carry Tyler Chadwick 42
In a love letter to his wife, a husband lists some
of the familiar mysteries he cherishes in their
marriage
An Apology I've Been Working on for a While Joey Franklin 44
A husband reflects on the division of labor in
his marriage and how it affects his and his wife's
senses of self
Never Good Enough Michael Carpenter 52
A lifetime of failing to meet Latter-day Saint
ideals exacts a tragic cost
Mormon AF Nicholas Don Smith 58
A stand-up comic from American Fork, Utah,
reflects on what it means to be Mormon and
single
Liken the Scriptures Andrew Spriggs 63
A young husband realizes that his gay marriage
is the most Mormon thing about his life
The Care Package Kevin Barnwell 71
A husband who has left the church works to find
the perfect anniversary gift for his still devout wife
Part II. Sex and Its Consequences
Fertility Theric Jepson 77
After the birth of their fourth child, a husband
undergoes a vasectomy to spare his wife any
more worry about fertility
Opposites Robert Raleigh 82
Newlyweds discover that their intense physical
attraction is not a strong enough basis for a
happy marriage-or even a satisfying sex life
Eternity in an Hour Boyd Jay Petersen 92
On the eve of a trip abroad, a husband learns
that his wife of thirty-three years is gay, after
which they negotiate a respectful separation
Pie Month Scott Russell Morris 105
A young couple agrees to eat pie every day during
the month of March 2014 while they also try to
conceive a child
The Highest T. Kay Browning 119
A young man determined to marry early learns
to be the man of integrity his marriage requires
of him, especially as he reckons with what the
#MeToo movement means for men
Being Jane John Doe 129
A bisexual cross-dresser and his wife learn to
have a mutually fulfilling sex life while honoring
their temple covenants to one another
Soul Mates Scott Blanding 133
A gay man and a straight woman navigate a
marriage both believe they committed to before birth
Hiding in Plain Sight David Nicolay 141
A husband's ability to connect to his wife is
undermined by decades of sexual shame over
masturbation
7:06 A.M. Kelland Coleman 151
A lonely husband briefly attains the intimacy he
has longed for with his wife when she admits to
herself and to him that she is gay
Unsealed Dan Smith 160
A husband learns that trying to practice
polygamy to please his wife does not heal their
troubled marriage
Part III. In Sickness and in Health
Fear and Trepanation Ted Smith 171
A midlife crisis helps a husband understand
how valuable his marriage is, just before it is
threatened by a dire medical crisis
I'm Not Who I Thought You Married John B. Dahl 180
A young husband is forced to confront his own
misconceptions about mental illness when he is
diagnosed with depression-and discovers that
doing so strengthens instead of harms his marriage
Holding On and Letting Go Joseph Broom 190
After decades in a straight marriage, a gay man
discovers happiness with the love of his life-only
to lose him to cancer after a short marriage
Disability Check Caleb Scoville 198
A young man reckons with the way his bipolar
disease wreaks havoc on his marriage
The House of Infinite Regret Scot Denhalter 207
Addiction to prescription narcotics destroys a life,
a marriage, and a family
From Patriarchy to Matriarchy: A Marital and Spiritual Journey Thomas W Murphy 218
A young man from an abusive household vows to
create a family free of violence and coercion with
his wife, after which they learn about alternative
forms of strength and leadership-and about
aspects of their own backgrounds-when their
work leads them to Indigenous communities
The Marriage Bed: An Essay and Three Poems Robert A. Rees 231
A widower reflects on his happy marriage and
the joy of sharing a bed with his beloved
Glossary 239
Discussion Questions 243
Bibliography 245
Contributors 249