Become Smartyr Not a Martyr

We have found in our clinical practice that the victim mentality is truly a problem. Most people enter counselling describing themselves in a 'stuck' place, unknowingly having fallen into the realms of a victim mind-set. Whether it is by being in difficult and tumultuous relationships, or with a barrage of constant negative self-judgements, people unconsciously create complex layers of addictive patterns of behaviours through self-neglect, substance abuse, eating too much, erratic spending, loving too much, or caring too much, and even shaming and humiliating others and self. Ultimately to survive you can unconsciously fool yourself into believing that you are 'dealing with it'. As people, our main strategy is survival, our default is to run away from feeling the emotional pain and instead, if left untreated you create dysfunctional protective layers of behaviours and delude yourself into believing you 'feel better'. The addictive nature of rationalisation, intellectualisation along with denial places a dent in your personal values that reinforces negative messages into your mind, and which further embeds limiting beliefs about you, your relationships and your reality. Just as importantly, this book is not targeted to any person who has suffered a real-life event which has left them being a genuine victim of circumstance. Any of us can fall victim to a real-life event or become a victim of circumstance. Being caught up in a predicament where we had no control over what happened, and nothing we did or failed to do made things happen the way they did, is deeply affecting and disturbing that can eventually be experienced as traumatic. Being a survivor means 'to take action' by moving through the ordeal, the pain, the grief and loss in a holistic approach encompassing the mind and body. If not, you can find yourself unknowingly moving into a Victim Life Position and further becoming accustomed to staying in denial, trapped and engaging in self-destructive coping behaviour. If you do not heal through a mind-heart coherence, by embracing the unification of wisdom of mind and heart of compassion, your victim mentality becomes programmed and embedded as your personality and eventually establishes into an identity, where you can no longer recognise its origins. You can end up beating yourself up and ruining valuable relationships. You become a complainer and blamer and can forget ever having made a choice to live this way.