
Do Ask, Do Tell
Queer Life, Love and Culture Laid Bare
Bluebird (Publisher)
Published on 29. May 2025
Book
Hardback
272 pages
978-1-0350-4207-4 (ISBN)
Description
'Bursting with empathy, understanding and humour. A crucial book for our community and allies.' Suzi Ruffell
What is a black cat lesbian? Is 'aromantic' a sexuality or a preference? How are bisexual and pansexual different? What's it like to be queer and religious? Does Gen Z do darkrooms? How do you navigate life as a OAQ (Old Age Queer)? What does trans euphoria feel like? Why is nightlife so central to the community? What is camp today?
As queer people themselves, authors Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley knew they didn't have all the answers, because their individual experience represents a single pixel of the rainbow. Do Ask, Do Tell is an unapologetically curious journey through the dazzling spectrum of queer life that will give people - queer, straight, cis and everything in-between - the confidence to say 'I don't know'.
With humor, warmth, and radically open minds, Stu and Lotte tackle the questions you may have avoided asking for fear of getting it wrong. Covering everything from ageing to open relationships, darkrooms to Drag Kings, camp to carabinas, as well as the intricacies of gender and sexuality.
This insightful and provocative exploration challenges assumptions, shatters taboos, and opens up the conversation. Whether you're seeking clarity for your cis straight self or deeper insight as a member of the community, this book is your guide to better understanding and celebrating the richness of queer life.
What is a black cat lesbian? Is 'aromantic' a sexuality or a preference? How are bisexual and pansexual different? What's it like to be queer and religious? Does Gen Z do darkrooms? How do you navigate life as a OAQ (Old Age Queer)? What does trans euphoria feel like? Why is nightlife so central to the community? What is camp today?
As queer people themselves, authors Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley knew they didn't have all the answers, because their individual experience represents a single pixel of the rainbow. Do Ask, Do Tell is an unapologetically curious journey through the dazzling spectrum of queer life that will give people - queer, straight, cis and everything in-between - the confidence to say 'I don't know'.
With humor, warmth, and radically open minds, Stu and Lotte tackle the questions you may have avoided asking for fear of getting it wrong. Covering everything from ageing to open relationships, darkrooms to Drag Kings, camp to carabinas, as well as the intricacies of gender and sexuality.
This insightful and provocative exploration challenges assumptions, shatters taboos, and opens up the conversation. Whether you're seeking clarity for your cis straight self or deeper insight as a member of the community, this book is your guide to better understanding and celebrating the richness of queer life.
Reviews / Votes
Written with warmth, wisdom and uncompromising wit, Jeffs & Oakley invite us to explore the bold and beautiful realities of queer existence in an ever-increasingly intolerant world. -- Charlie Condou Both a beginner's guide and a deep dive. * Attitude * This warm, funny read tackles the questions you may have avoided asking for fear of getting it wrong. * Good Housekeeping * Bold, funny and radically honest. * Gaydio * Essential reading. An absolute ride through queer culture with some unreal insights. -- Founder of Sink the Pink * Glyn Fussell * Written with warmth, wisdom and uncompromising wit, Jeffs & Oakley invite us to explore the bold and beautiful realities of queer existence in an ever-increasingly intolerant world * Charlie Condou * Bursting with empathy, understanding and humour. A crucial book for our community and allies. * Suzi Ruffell *More details
Language
English
Place of publication
London
United Kingdom
Publishing group
Pan Macmillan
Target group
Interest Age: From 18 years
Dimensions
Height: 238 mm
Width: 157 mm
Thickness: 29 mm
Weight
462 gr
ISBN-13
978-1-0350-4207-4 (9781035042074)
Copyright in bibliographic data and cover images is held by Nielsen Book Services Limited or by the publishers or by their respective licensors: all rights reserved.
Schweitzer Classification
Other editions
Additional editions

E-Book
05/2025
Bluebird
€15.99
Available for download
Persons
Stu Oakley and Lotte Jeffs are the authors of Do Ask Do Tell and The Queer Parent, the first LGBTQ+ focused parenting book to be published by a mainstream press, and hosts of award-winning podcast queer parenting podcast Some Families.
Stu Oakley is a leading film and TV publicist, having worked on major franchises including Star Wars, Barbie, Paddington and Jurassic World.
Lotte Jeffs is also the author of This Love, a novel dubbed 'One Day for a new generation' by Grazia, and picture book My Magic Family. She is a celebrated magazine writer and editor, and was previously Deputy Editor of Elle.
Stu Oakley is a leading film and TV publicist, having worked on major franchises including Star Wars, Barbie, Paddington and Jurassic World.
Lotte Jeffs is also the author of This Love, a novel dubbed 'One Day for a new generation' by Grazia, and picture book My Magic Family. She is a celebrated magazine writer and editor, and was previously Deputy Editor of Elle.