Dadisms

Including Dadism #1:

'When I was your age...' One of the most common-isms, it's frequently followed by one of the following big fat lies:

I walked to school ten miles in the snow, uphill both ways!

We were so poor, we ate dirt...and we were glad to have it.

I treated my father with respect.

Dadism #15:

'They're just jealous, that's all.' An honorable but often futile attempt to comfort a child who has been treated cruelly by his or her peers. This dadism is often uttered through clenched teeth as Dad plans the slow and painful death of his kid's tormenters.

and Dadism #50:

'We're not lost. I know exactly where I am.' Translation: 'I have absolutely no doubt that we're exactly somewhere between home and our destination. That's all you need to know!'