Silence is a Scary Sound

While potty training his daughter, he reveals, "wiping a three-year-old's butt is never satisfying. It's never rewarding. It just smells bad and makes you feel like a slave locked in some butt wiping servitude." His relatable toddler stories leave parents and caregivers cackling, and remind us all that no one is the perfect parent. In fact, sometimes the only thing that gets Clint through the day is thinking about when his kids grow up... and all the ways he can finally exact his revenge. Like leaving a leaky sippy-cup full of milk to rot under the back seat of his daughters car, or waking up at 4 a.m. to incessantly ask his son for a cheese stick.

With essays like Locking Doors Is Hilarious Until the Fire Department Arrives, Turns Out Poop Doesn't Go Easily Down the Tub Drain, Let Them Watch Screens, and You'll Never Pee Alone, Clint knows exactly what's "terrible" about the twos.