Complete Idiot's Guide To The Bible (2nd Edition)

I. BEFORE YOU BEGIN. 1. The B-I-B-L-E, Is That a Book for Me? Check Your Bible IQ. What's in It for Me? Has Bible Content Changed over the Years? How Did We Get Our Bible from a Bunch of Manuscripts? Choosing the Best Bible from All the Good Books. 2. Claims and Disclaimers. Seeing the Whole Elephant. Why Put Up with All These Problems? The Layout of the Bible. Stocking Your Bible Toolbox. II. THE OLD TESTAMENT. 3. In the Beginning. What Was Before the Beginning? (Genesis 1:1). A Good Day's Work (Genesis 1:1-2:3). Adam and Eve in a Brave Nude World (Genesis 2:4-25). Fall Comes to Eden (Genesis 3). Brother Against Brother (Genesis 4:1-16). A Population Explosion (Genesis 4:17-5). Looks Like Rain ... (Genesis 6-7). Rain, Rain, Go Away (Genesis 8:1-9:17). What Do You Do with a Drunken Ex-Sailor? (Genesis 9:18-29). No Comprende: Conversations at the Tower of Babel (Genesis 10-11). 4. Abraham: A Not-So-Accidental Tourist. Go West, Old Man (Genesis 11:27-12:9). Take My Wife-I Mean, Sister ... Please! (Genesis 12:10-20). Lots of Trouble from Lot and His Lot (Genesis 13-14). Gone Today, Heir Tomorrow (Genesis 15). Sarah Problem Here? (Genesis 16). The Sign of (Ouch!) Faith (Genesis 17). Let's Make a Deal (Genesis 18). Hot Time in the Cities (Genesis 19:1-29). A Family Affair (Genesis 19:23-29). All I Want Is the Heir That I Breed (Genesis 20-22). 5. Isaac and Jacob: Lessons in Family Dysfunction. Isaac's Mail-Order Bride (Genesis 23-25:18). Birthright Gumbo (Genesis 25:19-34). Like Father, Like Son (Genesis 26). The Old Man and Deceit (Genesis 27-28:9). Stairway to Heaven (Genesis 28:10-22). The Wrong "Honey" on the Honeymoon (Genesis 29:1-30). Baby, Baby, Baby, Etc. (Genesis 29:31-30:23). An Early Experiment in Genetic Engineering (Genesis 30:25-43). On the Road Again (Genesis 31). Getting All Out of Joint (Genesis 32). He Saw Esau (Genesis 33, 35-36). 6. Joseph: Not Your Average Joe. Dream a Little Dream of Me (Genesis 37:1-11). Ten Angry Men (Genesis 37:12-36). "Mrs. Potiphar, I'm a Joe-Not a John" (Genesis 39). A Baker, a Cupbearer, and a Hangman (Genesis 40). Dreaming of the Cows 'n' the Corn (Genesis 41:1-40). From Ex-Con to CEO (Genesis 41:41-57). I Never Forget a Face-Much Less Ten of Them (Genesis 42). Ben There, Done That (Genesis 43-44). Family Reunion (Genesis 45-47:12). A Fair Deal from Pharaoh? (Genesis 47:13-26). The Last of the Patriarchs (Genesis 47:28-50:26). 7. Moses: God's Reluctant Hero. Four Centuries of Decline, from Joe to Moe (Exodus 1). Rollin' on the River (Exodus 2:1-10). Hit and Run (Exodus 2:11-25). Why? Because the Talking Bush Said So! (Exodus 3-4). Bricks Without Straw (Exodus 5-6). The Plague's the Thing (Exodus 7-11). The First Passover (Exodus 11-12:30). An Order of 600,000 Israelite Families-to Go! (Exodus 12:31-13). Stalk Like an Egyptian (Exodus 14-15:21). Manna Come and Me Want to Go Home (Exodus 15:22-17:7). Smoke on the Mountain and Fire in the Sky (Exodus 19-31). Unholy Cow! (Exodus 32-34). The Group Regroups (Exodus 35-40). Jealousy and Leprosy: Two Contagious Diseases (Numbers 10-12). Spy vs. Spy (Numbers 13-14). Generation Next (Numbers 27-35). 8. The Good, the Bad, and the Lovely. Next in Command (Joshua 1). Hiding Out in the Red-Light District (Joshua 2). The Miraculous Water Crossing You Hardly Ever Hear About (Joshua 3-5:12). Joshua Fought the Battle of Jericho-but First, Some Laps (Joshua 5:13-8). If You Can't Beat Them, Psyche Them Out (Joshua 9). The First Daylight Savings Time (Joshua 10-12). Movin' In (Joshua 13-24). The Apathy of Defeat (Judges 1-2). Here Come the Judges! (Judges 3-16). No Longer Ruthless (Ruth 1-4). 9. That's Saul, Folks! Prayer? So That's Where Babies Come From! (1 Samuel 1-2:11). Problems with the Priest Hoods (1 Samuel 2:12-26). Speak Three Times from the Ceiling If You Want Me (1 Samuel 3). Raiders of the Lord's Ark (1 Samuel 4-7). King Me! (1 Samuel 8-10). Give in to You? My Eye! (1 Samuel 10-12). Who Is This "Phyllis Stein," and Why Are There So Many of Her? (1 Samuel 13-14). The Bleat Goes On (1 Samuel 15). Harping on Saul's Problem (1 Samuel 16-17). Fee-Fi-Foe-Fight, I Want the Blood of an Israelite (1 Samuel 17). Banned, on the Run (1 Samuel 18-23). A Little Longer Live the King! (1 Samuel 24-26). A Short Ghost Story (1 Samuel 27-31). 10. David: Now for Some King Completely Different. Here Comes the New Boss, Not Like the Old Boss (2 Samuel 1-4). King at Last! (2 Samuel 5). Disembarking the Ark (2 Samuel 6). Israel: Growing by Leaps and Boundaries (2 Samuel 8-10). My Kingdom for a House (2 Samuel 7). Splish, Splash, I Was Taking a Bath ... (2 Samuel 11). Not Ewe, Too! (2 Samuel 12). Rape, Revenge, and Regrets (2 Samuel 13). The Hair Apparent (2 Samuel 14-16:14). Plants, Plots, and Perverse Pleasures (2 Samuel 16:15-17:29). A Really, Really Bad Hair Day (2 Samuel 18). Back in Business (2 Samuel 19:9-21). 11. The Riches-to-Rags Story of Israel and Judah. Solomon's Successful Succession (1 Kings 1). Wisdom? In Your Dreams! (1 Kings 2-4). Temple Temps (1 Kings 5-9). Queen for a Stay (1 Kings 10). The Odds Against Success Are About a Thousand to One (1 Kings 11). Split Decision (1 Kings 12). Down Come the Ravens, Up Goes the Chariot (1 Kings 17-19; 2 Kings 1-2). He's a Real No-Hair Man (1 Kings 19:19-21; 2 Kings 2-8:15). 12. Making the Best of a Bad Situation. The Long Walk Home (Ezra 1-2). Sayonara, Nehemiah (Nehemiah 1-2:10). If You Knew Susa Like Esther Knew Susa (Esther 1-2:18). The Plot Thickens (Esther 2:19-4). Queen Save the Godly (Esther 5-7). A Good Job Description (Job 1:1-4). With Friends Like These ... (Job 3-37). Another Voice Heard (Job 38-41). Another Happy Ending (Job 42). 13. Old Testament Lit. 101. Psing Us a Psong, You're the Psalmist. Solomon Says. Ecclesiastes: The Book of Meaning-and Meaninglessness. The Song of Songs (Parental Warning: Explicit Lyrics). 14. Tell-a-Vision Personalities. Isaiah: Hot Lips, Warm Heart. Don't Cry for Me, Jeremiah. How Deserted Lies the City. Ezekiel: This Wheel's on Fire. Daniel Is Traveling Tonight on the Plain. I Don't Like the Look of This Graffiti. You Can't Hide Your Lion Eyes. Spending Some Time in the Minors. III. THE NEW TESTAMENT. 15. God's Baby Gift. Where Are We Going? What Have We Missed? Unplanned Parenthood (Luke 1). It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas (Matthew 2; Luke 2). How John Became "the Baptist" (Matthew 3; Luke 3; John 1:29-34). The Devil Couldn't Make Him Do It (Matthew 4:1-11). The Dusty Dozen (Matthew 4:18-22, 9:9; Luke 10:2-4; John 1:35-51). One Reason Why You Can't Go Home Again (Luke 4:14-30). Nic at Night (John 3:1-21). A Chat Around the Water Cooler (John 4:1-42). Can Someone Get This Lady a Robe? (John 8:1-11). 16. We're Going to Need to See Some ID. Demons, Diseases, and Disabilities. It's Not Hard to Rule Mother Nature. We're Trying to Divide This Food, but It Keeps Multiplying (Matthew 14:13-1). I Was Dead for a While, but I'm Much Better Now (Mark 5:21-43). Another Stinking Resurrection (John 11). Some Relationships Require a Miracle. A Drop in the Miracle Bucket. 17. Did I Hear That Right? Up the Mountain for Some Higher Education (Matthew 5-7). Coming Down with a Code. The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). The Prodigal Son and Other Lost Things (Luke 15). Hellfire and Damnation. New Wine and Hard Teachings. Jesus' Not-So-Secret Identity. The Loved One That Got Away (Mark 10:17-23). 18. Arose by Any Other Name!. The Big Question. Glow (but Don't Tell It) on the Mountain (Luke 9:28-36). An Entrance Fit for a King (Luke 19:28-44). Jesus the Bouncer (Mark 11:15-18). Final Countdown. A Meal Worthy of a da Vinci Painting. Disciples Squabble, Then They All Fall Down. Trial, Trial Again. Cross Purposes. Friends in High Places. Alive Again. Getting the Story Straight For Pete's (and Thom's) Sake. 19. The Church Hits the Road. Onward and Upward (Acts 1). On a Wind and a Prayer (Acts 2:1-41). Peter Principal (Acts 2:42-5). The Subordinate Seven (Acts 6-8). Blinded by the Light (Acts 9:1-31). Peter, Peter, Reptile Eater (Acts 9:21-12). Road Trip #1 (Acts 13-15:35). Road Trip #2 (Acts 15:36-21:36). Road Trip #3 (Acts 21:37-28). 20. You've Got Mail! Holy Microcosm! Buon Giorno, Roma (Romans 1-3). The Choice of a New Generation (Romans 9-11). 1,000 Prostitutes-No Waiting (1 Corinthians 1:1-8). Five Intelligible Words (1 Corinthians 14). All Rise (1 Corinthians 15-16). Same Church, Different Problems (2 Corinthians 1-5). Paul vs. the Super-Apostles: A Grudge Match (2 Corinthians 10-13). 21. More of the Apostle's Epistles. Galatian Salutations. An Emphasis on Ephesus. Philippians: Don't Worry, Be Joyful. Colossians: Who's Number One? 1 and 2 Thessalonians: Guess Who's Coming (Back) to See Us? Paul as Mentor (1 and 2 Timothy; Titus). Philemon: A Runaway Slave Makes a Round Trip. 22. Still More People Doing the Write Thing. Hebrews: Everything Old Is New Again. James: Uncommonly Common Sense. Peter's Priority Mail. Dear John Letters. Jude Says Hey. Yours Truly. 23. It's the End of the World as We Know It. Club Med Meets Century One (Revelation 1). Rate-a-Church (Revelation 2-3). Up, Up, and Away (Revelation 4-5). Scroll with the Punches (Revelation 6-7). The Trumpet Septet You Never Want to Hear (Revelation 8-9). God's Witness Protection Program (Revelation 10-11:14). The Seventh Trumpet (Revelation 11:15-14). Bowled Over (Revelation 16-18). Rider on the Storm (Revelation 19-20). Trying to Make Sense of It All. Heaven: New and Improved (Revelation 21-22). The End? Or Just the Beginning? IV. APPENDIXES. Appendix A. The Books of the Bible. Appendix B. Where Can You Go from Here? Appendix C. Reading the Bible in One Year. Index.