Helping Couples Get Past the Affair, First Edition

Reviews / Votes

It is wonderful to have a practical book addressing the dark shadow in many couple relationships. Baucom, Snyder, and Gordon are an incredibly strong team of clinician-researchers, and this book distills their collective experience into a very useful guide. As the authors point out, the discovery of infidelity is often traumatic, and managing the effects of this trauma is critical to providing effective assistance. Couple therapists of all persuasions will want this practical volume on their shelves.--W. Kim Halford, PhD, School of Psychology, The University of Queensland, Australia

Infidelity can be as overwhelming to the clinician as it is to the couple. Baucom et al. lucidly explain how to guide clients through this tumultuous issue to a stronger and more authentic relationship. Informed by the authors' considerable clinical wisdom, this book is a 'must-have' for clinicians who work with couples.--Valerie E. Whiffen, PhD, private practice, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

A groundbreaking book. We have long known that traditional couple therapy models are not applicable to treating couples who experience infidelity. Baucom et al. offer a revolutionary approach in which infidelity is conceptualized as a traumatic event, yet they are able to facilitate empathy for both parties. This is a delicate balance, and the authors manage it brilliantly. I have already begun using this therapy model in my private practice and teaching it to my clinical psychology graduate students, with wonderful results.--Erika Lawrence, PhD, Department of Psychology, University of Iowa

This book offers a lucid, fascinating, and much-needed map to the difficult terrain of affairs: how they occur and how to deal with them. It is comprehensive and full of clinical examples. Clinicians everywhere will find this book invaluable.--Susan M. Johnson, EdD, School of Psychology, University of Ottawa, Ontario, Canada


This is a major contribution to the literature on treatment of infidelity and a book that all couple therapists should read. Infidelity is one of the most challenging presenting problems for even the most seasoned clinician. This treatment guide stands alone or can be used in conjunction with the authors' excellent self-help book for couples, Getting Past the Affair. Integrating cognitive-behavioral, systems, and insight-oriented theoretical models, the approach is highly relevant for a wide range of therapists. In addition, the extensive session vignettes, chapter summaries, and clear writing make this a great resource for graduate courses in couple therapy.--Norman B. Epstein, PhD, Department of Family Science, University of Maryland, College Park

What I love about this book is how close it stays to the ground in offering therapists a series of practical steps for working with couples traumatized by an affair. The authors draw on extensive clinical experience and research to present a three-stage model that addresses 'impact,' 'meaning,' and 'moving on.' With its sensible framework and creative techniques, this book is an ideal resource for both beginning and veteran couple therapists. I know it will be an invaluable addition to my practice toolkit.--Jefferson A. Singer, PhD, Department of Psychology, Connecticut College

Baucom, Snyder, and Gordon have established themselves as leaders in the field of infidelity research and treatment. Based on sound theory and accumulating evidence, this book is a clear-headed, compassionate guide for working with the volatile emotional issue of infidelity.--Andrew Christensen, PhD, Department of Psychology, University of California, Los Angeles

- It is well laid out, taking the reader through the processes required to work with couples in a step-by-step approach. It is down to earth, acknowledging the difficulties that can be experienced in this area of work, and the helplessness that the therapist can feel....The book provides guidance for therapists as they support clients in what is often a long and difficult process towards resolution of their issues....Any therapist can feel supported and real when working with this book: difficulties and anxieties are described and allowed....This is a book that really looks at the work that is needed from an honest and realistic point of view and provides sensible suggestions for moving therapy forward. It will be a valuable addition to the bookshelf. --The Independent Practitioner, 2/20/2011?? The book provides a wealth of guidance on how to manage the acute distress of couples trying to deal with an affair. At the same time, it portrays just how difficult the therapist's job is to accompany people through their emotional turmoil in a way that does provide safety for all concerned. There is a great deal within this text that is useful for any kind of work with couples. --Bps.org.uk, website of the British Psychological Society, 5/3/2010 It is wonderful to have a practical book addressing the dark shadow in many couple relationships. Baucom, Snyder, and Gordon are an incredibly strong team of clinician-researchers, and this book distills their collective experience into a very useful guide. As the authors point out, the discovery of infidelity is often traumatic, and managing the effects of this trauma is critical to providing effective assistance. Couple therapists of all persuasions will want this practical volume on their shelves.--W. Kim Halford, PhD, School of Psychology, The University of Queensland, Australia

Infidelity can be as overwhelming to the clinician as it is to the couple. Baucom et al. lucidly explain how to guide clients through this tumultuous issue to a stronger and more authentic relationship. Informed by the authors' considerable clinical wisdom, this book is a 'must-have' for clinicians who work with couples.--Valerie E. Whiffen, PhD, private practice, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

A groundbreaking book. We have long known that traditional couple therapy models are not applicable to treating couples who experience infidelity. Baucom et al. offer a revolutionary approach in which infidelity is conceptualized as a traumatic event, yet they are able to facilitate empathy for both parties. This is a delicate balance, and the authors manage it brilliantly. I have already begun using this therapy model in my private practice and teaching it to my clinical psychology graduate students, with wonderful results.--Erika Lawrence, PhD, Department of Psychology, University of Iowa

This book offers a lucid, fascinating, and much-needed map to the difficult terrain of affairs: how they occur and how to deal with them. It is comprehensive and full of clinical examples. Clinicians everywhere will find this book invaluable.--Susan M. Johnson, EdD, School of Psychology, University of Ottawa, Ontario, Canada


This is a major contribution to the literature on treatment of infidelity and a book that all couple therapists should read. Infidelity is one of the most challenging presenting problems for even the most seasoned clinician. This treatment guide stands alone or can be used in conjunction with the authors' excellent self-help book for couples, Getting Past the Affair. Integrating cognitive-behavioral, systems, and insight-oriented theoretical models, the approach is highly relevant for a wide range of therapists. In addition, the extensive session vignettes, chapter summaries, and clear writing make this a great resource for graduate courses in couple therapy.--Norman B. Epstein, PhD, Department of Family Science, University of Maryland, College Park

What I love about this book is how close it stays to the ground in offering therapists a series of practical steps for working with couples traumatized by an affair. The authors draw on extensive clinical experience and research to present a three-stage model that addresses 'impact,' 'meaning,' and 'moving on.' With its sensible framework and creative techniques, this book is an ideal resource for both beginning and veteran couple therapists. I know it will be an invaluable addition to my practice toolkit.--Jefferson A. Singer, PhD, Department of Psychology, Connecticut College

Baucom, Snyder, and Gordon have established themselves as leaders in the field of infidelity research and treatment. Based on sound theory and accumulating evidence, this book is a clear-headed, compassionate guide for working with the volatile emotional issue of infidelity.--Andrew Christensen, PhD, Department of Psychology, University of California, Los Angeles

- It is well laid out, taking the reader through the processes required to work with couples in a step-by-step approach. It is down to earth, acknowledging the difficulties that can be experienced in this area of work, and the helplessness that the therapist can feel....The book provides guidance for therapists as they support clients in what is often a long and difficult process towards resolution of their issues....Any therapist can feel supported and real when working with this book: difficulties and anxieties are described and allowed....This is a book that really looks at the work that is needed from an honest and realistic point of view and provides sensible suggestions for moving therapy forward. It will be a valuable addition to the bookshelf. --The Independent Practitioner, 2/20/2011AE'AE' The book provides a wealth of guidance on how to manage the acute distress of couples trying to deal with an affair. At the same time, it portrays just how difficult the therapist's job is to accompany people through their emotional turmoil in a way that does provide safety for all concerned. There is a great deal within this text that is useful for any kind of work with couples. --Bps.org.uk, website of the British Psychological Society, 5/3/2010